I Know You Wanna Touch
by lovebugxstories
Summary: Brittana AU - Brittany and Santana are both in their mid-twenties, meeting in a fancy bar in New York City. The chemistry is there, but how will Santana react when she finds out that the mysterious blonde is in fact an escort? Will she give her a chance?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

A look at her phone told her it was almost 9 p.m - still about an hour left until her next client would arrive. Somehow she was relieved he wasn't going to take her out for dinner tonight, she enjoyed eating by herself from time to time, all alone and in front of the TV, wearing only a comfortable sweatshirt. Now she was dressed up again, short skirt, high heels, as most men preferred it - yet she looked classy. The bar was a place for people with money and even though she _had _money, she couldn't get over the feeling she did not really belong here.

She ordered a Sex on the Beach - alcohol made these nights more bearable. It wasn't that she _entirely _hated her job, it was definitely well paid, but who was she to fool? Having sex with strangers was something you could get used to, but nothing you would ever truly enjoy. A cocktail here and there definitely helped.

The bartender smiled at her, most likely trying to flirt. Brittany flirted back, giving him her well practiced seductive smirk - it came so naturally, this act she constantly put on when surrounded by men during her working hours. He knew exactly who she was - _what _she was, and it just seemed to turn him on even more, it was as if his eyes were eating her alive.

She turned away from him on her barstool, looking around in the only slightly illuminated room until she spotted _her. _The pretty Latina, probably in her mid-twenties, sitting there all by herself and staring at her Martini. She seemed lost in thoughts, kind of frustrated even. Brittany felt the need to get up and talk to her, even though she knew it was never a good idea to get involved with people who really interested her so close before meeting a client. Yet there was something about this woman, her olive skin, her beautiful hair, her well-shaped figure - and the fact she didn't seem to waste one moment of her attention on any male human being in the building. Brittany watched her take a look on her iPhone, sighing and shoving it deep into her black fake leather bag before emptying her Martini. She just looked at the bartender, pointing at her empty glass with an annoyed expression on her face before returning her attention to her remaining olive.

"Having a rough night?" Brittany asked friendly, suddenly standing next to the Latina who slowly looked up from her glass. The blonde could feel the other woman's eyes wandering up her body and resting for just a second too long on her cleavage before finally meeting her piercing blue eyes. '_Yep'_ Brittany thought, '_my senses weren't wrong'_.

"Kind of.." the Latina replied frowning, apparently not sure if she wanted to have a conversation with the stranger.

"Mind if I sit down?" the blonde wanted to know, pointing at the empty chair next to the other woman.

"Sure, whatever.."

Brittany eyed the brunette closely who was doing so well trying not to care whether she had company or not. She tried to plan her next move, considering time was working against her and she didn't wanna leave for having sex with some middle-aged rich New Yorker before she didn't at least have the girl's phone number. It would give her something to distract herself with when they were getting it on, something to be happy about.

"So here's what's gonna happen.." she started, earning herself a confused look by the person next to her.

"You're obviously going through a crappy night, most likely trouble with your ex considering you try not to care about your phone but are still not brave enough to just turn it off. You don't know me and I don't know you, but I happen to be here right now and you caught my attention. So you can just get it all out of your system, tell me what's going on, bash on whoever made you feel bad tonight. I'll buy you a drink, tell you the girl is a fool for letting someone like you go and afterwards you can text her that you just met a super hot blonde in a bar and make her furious. What do you say?"

The blonde's self-confidence was almost intimidating but it seemed to have its desired effect. The Latina couldn't help but smile a little, raising her eyebrow with a flirtatious smirk.

"So... 'hot blonde stranger'.. what makes you think this is about a girl?"

Brittany laughed, taking the new Martini from the bartender and putting it in front of the other women.

"Let's just say I have awesome gaydar."

Both women looked at each other for a while and Brittany couldn't help but wish her phone would just ring and her boss would tell her the appointment was canceled. Sadly this only happened in very rare occasions - no one in their right mind ever canceled a night with the blonde who was indeed quite popular in the scene.

"Soo.." Brittany started, leaning back in her chair. "Who is she?"

She took a pack of long thin cigarettes out of her pocket and fumbled for a lighter.

"I don't think you can smoke in here.." the Latina said, looking almost amused.

"Oh, believe me, it's fine" Brittany just replied, apparently having some unspoken deal with the bar crew. She lit her cigarette and inhaled deeply. "Want one?"

"I prefer cigars, thanks."

The Latina's eyes were lingering on the blonde's lips, taking in the sight of the thick white smoke sensually escaping Brittany's mouth and she swallowed hard.

"Well.. _she _kind of kicked me out today. I've been living with her, in her ex-husband's house for the past couple of weeks. She's a few years older than me - not _too _old of course. It was no true love thing or whatever, but she's hot and I'm kind of in between jobs. We often fought but I never thought she'd actually break it off with me. I mean - let's face it - I'm not the type of woman others break up with, usually that's my job.."

Brittany had to grin, already loving the other girl's harsh attitude.

"I'd definitely agree on that" she admitted honestly, taking another deep drag. "She must be moody due to menopause, that't the only explanation I have."

The Latina seemed to like that explanation and just nodded.

"So, what are you doing here alone? You don't look like you need to get drunk for distraction..."

"I'm just waiting for a friend" the blonde lied, her tongue playing with the straw in her cocktail. Making up excuses for her true profession had become one of the easier things to deal with.

"Friend, eh? Is that a code for something?" the woman asked as if she needed reassurance the blonde wasn't in fact waiting for a date.

"Not that it's any of my business.." she quickly added, clearing her throat.

"I wish it was a code for a simple date, cause that'd mean I could just call and cancel to spend some more time with you..."

Their eyes met for a long moment and Brittany cursed herself for going through with all of this. It was hard meeting people she liked, never being able to be honest with them, always knowing that there was no chance of getting truly involved with them. This woman was just to die for, so fucking beautiful, and she actually seemed interested.

The blonde hadn't always dated women, she had always found them attractive but it was her job that made her realize she never wanted to be with a man in her private life anymore. Relationships with men had become hard, the many stories she had heard from her clients being just too deterrent. All these husbands who came to her for sex, willing to pay hundreds of dollars for one or two hours of pleasure to escape their marriage - trust had really become an issue for her.

Then there were the guys she dated for real, those who knew about her work. Brittany could never help but wonder if they were dating her because they truly liked her or if they simply liked good sex, if they liked the thrill of doing it with someone so skilled and experienced. It had gotten so hard to decide if men saw her simply as an object for satisfaction - cause if they did, she might as well go back to work and at least be paid for it.

It was almost time for her to leave and she glanced over to the door where she could see Karofsky, her driver and personal bodyguard, signaling her to finish her conversation and come over.

"Listen..." she started, almost nervously. "I really need to go now, but I'd love to see you again - maybe a little more.. _privately_."

The blonde whispered the last word, giving her companion a meaningful look while putting out her cigarette in her empty cocktail glass.

"If you want to.." she added, getting up and letting a hand rest on the Latina's shoulder, absent-mindedly brushing some soft dark hair out of her neck.

The brunette seemed to consider the blonde's offer for a second before letting out a sigh.

"Alright, what the heck.." she mumbled, searching for her phone to save the other woman's number. Brittany had been quicker and already made use of her red lipstick, scribbling her number on a napkin.

"Call me, okay?" she asked, appreciating the Latina's figure once more, not even bothering to hide her lingering looks.

"I don't even know your name.." the other woman stated, seeming slightly surprised by the blonde's sudden rush to get away from her.

In any other situation the blonde would have given her one of her countless pseudonyms but she couldn't help but feel the need to be honest for once.

"Brittany" she said softly. "Name's Brittany."

"Santana" the Latina replied, her features somehow friendlier than before.

Karofsky looked over to her annoyed, tapping the watch on his wrist while glaring at her. Brittany quickly moved her head lower so her face was very close to the Latina's and she could inhale her perfume. Strong and demanding - she liked it.

"It was very nice to meet you, Santana" she breathed into her ear, sending shivers over the other woman's skin.

With that she turned around to walk away - probably a bit slower than neccessary, giving Santana a last chance to enjoy the view and appreciate her long legs.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Who was that?" Karofsky wanted to know, frowning at the smaller person in front of him.

"No one..." Brittany sighed, letting the red lipstick slowly slide over her lips - a typical habit right before meeting a client. "Is he already here?"

"Saw him park his car" the man told her, giving the blonde a somehow concerned look.

"You know I'm right outside, my phone is always right beside me, if anything -"

"Dave!" she interrupted him, petting his arm. "Appreciate your concern, but I'm fine alright? Got it all under control - as always."

The man's eyes turned a little darker.

"Good, cause I hate that son-of-a-bitch, he gives me the creeps."

"Well, good thing I'm the one who has to sleep with him and not you" Brittany just replied with a wink, pulling Dave in for a brief hug.

"See you in two hours."

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TBC

**It was time for a Brittana story that'd be entirely different from what I've written before - a little darker, probably sexier. Have quite a few ideas floating around in my mind for this, so tell me if you'd like me to continue ;)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"You were amazing again..." the man breathed out, still stunned. Half of his naked chest was covered in the white sheets, his forehead still sweaty.

Brittany just nodded, getting out of bed to dress.

"Don't you wanna come back to bed for a little moment? This was really, well, _exhausting_.. you could just relax for a moment, I'm not gonna touch you or anything.."

"Time's up, Will" the blonde just stated unimpressed, carefully storing the white envelope with the dollar bills in her bag. "My driver's waiting."

The man sighed, apparently still trying to slow down his heartbeat. "Fine. So I'll see you next week?"

"Well, have you talked to Abrams? I'm not exactly sure how my schedule looks next week, I'm super booked lately.."

She couldn't care less if she saw Schuester the next week. He was not entirely bad looking, which was a nice change in between these many weird guys she met sometimes, plus he was one of her best clients - just something about Will was very annoying. He kept being so clingy during sex, wanting to be told all of these compliments, always searching eye contact... So many times he had offered her to visit him at his appartment, since they already knew each other for a while, but Brittany didn't do outcalls. She had heard too many stories about women who thought they could trust their clients, and then ... - hidden weapons, creepy fetishes, god knows what else. Incalls were definitely the safest way and hotels were also okay as long as she had Dave with her.

Sometimes she preferred those men who simply cared less. Say hello, get it on, try to quickly get their release, say good bye again. Will was always one of those men who seriously seemed to care about getting her off during sex. Also something which was so annoying, always having to fake an orgasm. Men who just didn't care were satisfied with a little moan and an '_oh you're so good' _here and there, Will actually seemed to need the confirmation that she came for his own ego. Lucky for her, he was quite easy to fool and she'd become quite a good actress.

Brittany really wondered what men were thinking sometimes, that she truly enjoyed their sweaty bodies on them? That whatever awkward groping thing they were doing with their hands was anywhere near to being pleasure for her? Plus, getting off was something far too private for her, something that would mean she'd be letting her walls down, her strong facade that she was building up in order not to let any of this get too close to her soul. Breaking that wall was nothing she'd want to experience with anyone who was willing to pay for her services.

All she was looking forward to now was a long hot shower. She didn't feel as dirty anymore as she did after the first few times back in the day when she had started with this job, still the need to clean up properly was strong after every single time.

She quickly checked her appearance in the mirror, wiping away her messed up lipstick, straightening her hair. She put on her coat and turned around to look at Schuester one more time before leaving the room, forcing herself to smile.

"Hope you were having a good time, good luck with your audition tomorrow. See you next time."

Thank god this was over.

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"Would you please stop giving me this look?"

"What look?" Karofsky asked confused while Brittany put on her seatbelt.

"This terrible half-disgusted, half-pitiful look you keep giving me every single time I get into this car, especially after seeing Will."

The man avoided her eyes, slowly driving out of the parking lot.

"I'm sorry" he sighed. "It's just, yeah, the thought of this sleezy guy above you is kind of disturbing.."

Brittany took a chewing gum out of her pocket, happy to have the taste of fresh mint in her mouth.

"Well, to be accurate, I was above him, and you should probably just stop imagining me with my clients, makes it kind of awkward between us, even if you're gay..."

Karofsky said nothing, just turned the radio louder, listening to his favorite late night talk show. The host was just interviewing some guy who admitted he was in love with his own sister and it made Dave feel a little better - there were apparently even weirder people out there.

He looked over to Brittany who was looking at her phone, smiling.

"Who's texting you?" he asked curiously but the blonde just waved him off, signaling him it was none of his business.

"Oh c'mon. Is it that Latina chick from earlier? You really gave her your number? Seriously, be careful, we both know how this stuff turns out..."

"Oh, shut up!" Brittany just replied, still staring at her screen. She hadn't expected Santana to truly contact her, especially not so early, it made her feel excited.

"What's she saying?"

Brittany sighed.

'_Now that I'm staying in this fucking hotel room I'm getting so angry at her again. Who does she think she is? Gotta find a new job and a better place to stay. Anyways, thanks for cheering me up tonight, sucks that you had to leave. Was it at least worth it?'_

"She just wants to know how I am and stuff.." she tried to sum up the text as meaningless as possible. She wasn't going to tell him that the Latina was already all she could think about, that she knew for sure she was completely gonna fall for the beautiful woman if they were going to go out. She didn't wanna hear him rant about how often she had been hurt in the past as soon as things had become complicated. She wondered what she should answer.

_'Worth it? Are you kidding me? To be honest I can't think of many things that would have been worth leaving you tonight... Your ex is really crazy, I'd never let you stay at a hotel.'_

The answer was still too short, but what else should she be adding to her text? There were many dirty thoughts in her mind, things she felt like telling her, things she'd want to be doing to her if she was with her in that room, ways to cheer her up and never let her waste one single thought on this other woman again - but well, she had to be careful not to scare the girl away. She had to add a question to give Santana a reason to answer.

_'Well, if you ever feel like getting more of that anger out, I'd be happy to listen. Coffee? Dinner?'_

She hit the send button, immediately feeling her pulse raise.

"What did you answer?" the man next to her wanted to know, apparently still not getting that Brittany wasn't going to discuss any details with him.

"Just that I'm fine and stuff..."

Karofsky just shook his head.

"I'm serious, Brit. If you come knocking at my door again in the next few weeks, all emotional and crying, then don't get angry at me when I say _I told you so_ ..."

Brittany was about to answer something to defend herself, but her vibrating phone stopped her before she could get the chance to open her mouth. Her eyes widened when she opened the message and if she wasn't already blushing before, she certainly was now.

_'Dinner sounds fine... but hopefully I'll also get breakfast in the morning! Calling you tomorrow. Sweet Dreams!'_

The blonde knew she needed to talk to her boss. She needed a night off - as soon as possible.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Back in her appartment, the first thing Brittany did was to remove her clothes and shove them into the washing machine. She didn't like her clients' smell on her and needed to get rid of it as fast as possible. She was already looking forward to her comfortable flannel panties, this damn lingerie was itchy.

She stepped into the bathroom, turning on the shower. She needed it hot, the steam quickly filling the room. Hot water would wash it all the way, the foreign man's sweat, his saliva. It would clean the spots he touched, the spots he kissed, she wished it could wash away the memories as well.

Closing her eyes she just tried to enjoy the hot liquid on her skin for a while, trying to empty her thoughts. She turned around so the water would run down her face, like a hot rain, a waterfall. Inhaling deeply, she reached for the bottle of shampoo. _Herbal Essences – Long Term Relationship_. She had to laugh at the irony, putting some of the red and fruity gel on her hands, starting to wash her hair and to massage her temples.

The foam running down her body, Brittany's thoughts traveled to Santana. She actually seemed to like her. She wanted dinner with her and she wanted to stay over night, that was obvious. Sure, the brunette was hurt and was probably looking for a rebound, most likely looking forward to spending the night anywhere else than in that hotel room – still, she must have found her attractive and chances were good that something was gonna happen between them, even if it was just physical.

She thought about the bar again, the thoughts that crossed her mind when she saw her sitting there.

She had always had a thing for Latinas... the tone of their skin, the dark hair, the huge brown eyes, their well-formed asses. Santana definitely qualified in all of these categories – hell, she was out of competition. Her lips, god, those lips were amazing, so full, so kissable. She caught herself touching her own lips with her thumb, imagining for a second it was Santana's mouth brushing against hers. Her eyes fluttered shut again and she found herself getting incredibly aroused all of a sudden.

She wondered what it was like to kiss these lips, to touch her soft skin while their mouths were colliding. No stubbles, no weird smell, only the scent of her perfume that still seemed to be lingering in her nostrils.

Brittany bit her lower lip, almost shocked how fast her imagination was going to these _places. _For a minute she pretended she was just washing her body when it was obvious she was paying far too much attention to her chest that it could still be considered cleaning. The foam was covering her breasts and made it easy for her to slide her hands over the wet skin. She was pinching a nipple and let out a gasp, the image of the beautiful brunette still clear in front of her inner eye.

Wishing it were the Latina's hands instead of her own, she let her right hand travel lower, not patient enough to keep herself from touching the already throbbing spot between her legs. It was so nice to really _feel _something in that particular area, to really be able of letting herself go. She figured she should be doing this more often, reminding herself that sex could be better, even if it was only with herself.

Her middle finger was running up and down her sex and she felt the heat rising in her body – the hot water just adding to the sensation. The thick steam in the shower made it hard to breathe and she leaned back against the shower wall, rubbing herself a little more firmly.

Brittany thought about the things she wanted to do to Santana, how she couldn't imagine anything more satisfying than taking in her smell, taste her arousal on her lips, making her scream her name, hearing her beg her for release.

She raised her hand to reach for the shower head and turned the water temperature down a little before slowly letting the stream travel down her body. First she let it caress her breasts for a minute before moving it down further, above her well-trained stomach down to her center.

The blonde gasped at the contact, it was electrifying. The hard stream was hitting just the right spot, massaging her clit, and she felt the blood rushing through her body, her heart pounding in her chest.

She imagined the dark haired head between her legs, Santana's tongue licking and sucking where the water was doing its work – she knew she was already close to her release and found herself moaning.

She tried to turn her attention back to her nipple, letting her free hand run over it, but her orgasm was slowly building up and it was hard for her to keep her legs still. Supporting herself with one hand against the shower wall she imagined what Santana would say to her, what she'd whisper into her ear when her fingers would be pumping in and out of her.

Her body was tensing and she felt insane waves of pleasure run through every single muscle, pressing her eyes shut at the sensation she was experiencing, Santana's voice in her ear, her face in front of her.

She came long and hard, harder than she had in a while, dropping the shower head when the stimulation became too much.

Slowly opening her eyes again she looked around in the room and had to smile despite herself. If the Latina was only close to being as sexy as she imagined, she'd have a hell of a night in front of her.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

TBC

**A/N: Wow, I'm seriously impressed - so many reviews and subscriptions, I'm flattered and glad you're enjoying the story so far! So - due to the nice comments I already gave you a new chapter tonight ;)**

**Tell me what you think!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Brittany quickly smiled at the tall redhead in her black leather miniskirt who was passing by in the hallway, followed by the elderly man in his dark grey suit. She was heading for her bosses 'office', even though the large room rather looked like a place for personal entertainment. It had a soccer table, a huge refrigerator, a giant couch - everything a man needed. The walls were painted in a dark red, fitting the equally dark wooden floor. Artie was already expecting her when she knocked, leaning back in his armchair, feet on his desk.

"You wanted to see me?" the blonde asked, closing the door behind her.

"I did - sit down" he ordered, pointing at the couch. Brittany did as she was told, crossing her arms in front of her chest. It was a hot day but somehow the other man's presence was giving her chills.

"About tonight, I know I said you could have the night off, but Bart Collins called, he has an important meeting tomorrow and says he needs to see you tonight - he wants to be relaxed tomorrow."

Brittany felt her heart skip a beat and her body tense, staring at the man in front of her who was casually forming thin lines of wide powder on the table.

"Want some?" he asked, but the blonde just shook her head, clenching her teeth.

"Artie, I can't, I have plans.."

She tried to sound resolute but her voice was weak, she knew she shouldn't try to piss her boss off - even though she also knew she was one of his best employees and was saving him more deals than any other girl in the house.

The dark-haired man sniffed his cocaine and slowly raised his head from the desk, wiping his nose.

"You _can't_? Of course you can. I talked to Collins in person and he agreed to see you at seven sharp."

Toying with her fingernails, Brittany thought she was getting sick. Santana and her had agreed to meet at 7:30 at the restaurant, it had taken them quite a while to find a date where both of them were free and the last thing she wanted to do was cancel.

"I.. it's.." she stuttered. "It's important to me, Artie. Please."

The blonde didn't miss the shift in his mood. She knew her boss too well by now and she knew how he could get, especially when he wasn't sober. He got up from his chair and walked over to her, his right eye twitching a little behind his toned glasses.

"Do you know what it cost me to reschedule this so you could meet earlier and do whatever it is that you need to do? You should be fucking thankful, you know that?" he half-yelled, apparently having trouble to keep his temper.

"You know what he usually requests, and I already made sure there's no drinks, no dinner, just entertainment. He wants you to dance for him, so make sure to be prepared. Two hours - you'll be out at nine."

Brittany had turned quiet, her gaze fixed on the floor.

Artie sat down next to her on the couch, leaning in closer.

"Hey..." he said, almost softly again. "You know you're my diamond, right?"

The blonde still didn't look at him, just slowly nodded.

"I want you to _shine_... People w_ant _you, they spend all this money just for _you_, Britty, you understand me? Look at me!"

He took off his glasses, taking her chin in his hand, forcing her to look at him.

"Do you understand me?"

"Yeah, sure..." she cleared her throat. "Understood..."

"Excellent" Artie replied with a smirk, kissing her cheek. "You can go now, prepare your little dance."

Brittany quickly got up and left the office, wiping her cheek with her sleeve the second she closed the door behind her.

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The blonde was glad that Santana seemed to be quite understanding. She had tried to be as honest as possible with her, telling her that her boss was very strict and made her work for a few hours that night and that the whole staff depended on her. The Latina wasn't thrilled but texted her that she'd hope Brittany would at least make it up to her later.

Brittany wanted nothing more than to make it up to her, she just wished she'd at least have time to shower and clean up properly. It had been a while since she went on a real date with anyone and she wished she'd just feel _fresh _instead of just freshly fucked.

Collins was a wealthy business man, clean and not filthy, still he always enjoyed treating her as some kind of possession. Unlike Will, he didn't hold back when he felt like being rough with her and he had clear expectations of what he wanted from the woman he paid for.

"A pleasure as always" he had told her before he left and the blonde did her best to smile back, nervously looking at the clock on the wall which was telling her she was already ten minutes late.

She quickly ran to the restroom, a bunch of fresh clothes in her bag. She brushed her teeth - hard and fast as if she couldn't wait to finally get the man's taste out of her mouth, spitting into the sink in disgust. The blonde put on a new set of underwear and a black dress which looked sexy but was nothing that she'd ever wear for a client. She made sure to change her makeup, put on different lipstick, another perfume. Brittany wanted to look as different as possible, not wanting Santana to see her the same way the other man just had.

When she finally arrived at the restaurant she thanked god that the Latina hadn't left already. She was still standing there, rubbing her arms above her dark blue blazer, apparently freezing a little from waiting outside. She looked stunning, wearing a tight grey skirt, the blazer pushing up her breasts just enough to make Brittany's pulse raise only by looking at it. The tips of her long dark hair were slightly curled and seemed to be shining in the moonlight.

"I'm so sorry I'm late..." Brittany apologized, moving towards the other woman with fast steps.

"Five minutes longer and I would have left.." the Latina announced but it was clear her anger was forgotten when her eyes were running up and down the beautiful blonde in her amazing outfit.

For a second Brittany was unsure how to greet the other woman, suddenly feeling nervous. A hug? A handshake? Just a little wave?

Santana was interrupting her inner conflict by leaning in closer and kissing her cheek while brushing her hand softly along the blonde's back.

"You look kind of breathtaking I have to admit, definitely worth the wait."

Brittany felt relieved and put a hand on Santana's shoulder, softly directing her to the entrance.

The waiter lead them to their table, lighting the candles that were standing in between them and handing them the menu.

"Wow, this place is out of conrol.." the Latina mumbled while examining the offers and their prices.

"Pick whatever you like, I pay."

"No you don't" Santana quickly replied. "Just because I'm homeless doesn't mean I can't afford taking a girl out to dinner.."

Brittany had to smile but she wouldn't let the brunette win this one. She had rescheduled their date to meet this client, the least she could do was to make sure that the money she had earned was well invested - into a night that would be perfect for Santana, with everything she wanted and needed.

"Please let me do it, I feel bad enough for letting you wait so much today."

Santana seemed to consider the offer and then let out a deep sigh.

"Fine" she finally gave in. "But the next time goes on me."

"Oh, so you already know there will be a next time?" the blonde said teasingly, looking straight into those big brown eyes in front of her.

"Well, just by looking at you I'm quite sure I won't be disappointed in whatever's about to come tonight.."

"Or _whoever_" Brittany added and they both had to grin.

The waiter returned and took their order, the blonde making sure he'd bring them the best wine in the house.

"So.. what do you do for a living?" Santana finally asked while looking around in the extremely fancy restaurant.

"I'm an actress" Brittany replied, using her favorite lie which was still somehow close to the truth. What she did was indeed _acting_, no doubt about that, just no one outside of those bedroom walls would get to see it.

"Actress?" Santana asked incredulously, "What kind of actress are you that you can afford all _this_?" She frowned and thought about it for a second. "You're not a porn star, are you? Well, it can't be lesbian porn, I guess I'd know you then..."

Brittany wasn't quite sure if the Latina was joking, trying to interpret her half-hearted laugh.

"No, it's not porn.." she replied, adding an _'I wish it was just that'_ in her head. She looked around nervously, glad to see the waiter bringing them their wine, letting Brittany have the obligatory first sip to decide whether it was acceptable.

"Thank you, it's delicious" she told the young man and let him pour more of the red liquid into both of their glasses.

"Cheers" Santana said when the man was gone, holding her glass in front of herself.

"Cheers. To an amazing night!" Brittany replied, her eyes never leaving the Latina's.

They both took a few sips of their wine and the blonde couldn't help but notice the slightly excited tickle she was feeling in her belly when she watched Santana lick the last remains of alcohol from her bottom lip in what seemed to be slow motion.

"What are you thinking about?" the brunette wanted to know, her eyes widened in curiosity.

"Your lips.." Brittany admitted honestly, still not able to look away.

Santana's eyes seemed to darken a little and she cleared her throat.

"I hope they're fast with the food.."

Their legs were softly touching underneath the table. It was accidental but it caused both of them to tense.

"Yeah, I'd say we skip dessert? Go to my place?" Brittany added, moving her leg so that their bare skin was touching once more, letting it rest against Santana's thigh.

"Definitely."

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Santana had to admit that Brittany's appartment was quite impressive. Two floors, huge white walls, an open ceiling in the living room area.. Her eyes remained still at the giant photograph above the fireplace, the black and white portrait of the back, butt and legs of a naked woman - a _blonde_ woman, judging by the bits of hair that were falling down the person's shoulder.

"Now you're wondering if it's me, eh?" the young blonde wanted to know and Santana blushed a little at the truth in her question.

"Well, is it?" she asked, secretly hoping Brittany would say yes - cause damn, this picture wasn't tasteless at all, simply hot and sensual.

Brittany just smiled seductively and moved over to the bright wooden bar that was separating the living room from the kitchen – not bothering to give her a real answer.

_'Such a tease..' _Santana thought, following the blonde and sitting down on one of the barstools.

The other woman was already busy, expertly mixing them two drinks with a cocktail shaker. Her movements seemed fast and experienced, the way she was handling the bottles an undeniable turn-on.

"Voilà!" Brittany exclaimed proudly after a while, decorating the drinks with two red umbrellas and positioning one in front of her guest.

"What did you mix me?" the Latina wanted to know, nibbling at the little piece of pineapple that Brittany had served with the cocktail.

"It's a 'Ladykiller' Brittany stated, grinning. "Vodka, peach, pineapple and lime, mostly." She leaned over the wooden bar so her mouth was right next to Santana's ear. "At first I wanted to mix an 'Orgasm'..." she whispered, "but I thought you'd still get enough of those tonight."

The Latina felt the immediate reaction between her legs and had to cross them to minimize the inevitable throbbing.

The drink was strong but none of them seemed to mind. If anything, it only made them more aware of their anticipation.

"So, you never told me what _you_ are doing.." Brittany remarked after a while and the brunette's smile faded a little. The blonde wondered if she could see real insecurity on Santana's face for the first time.

"I don't think I can tell you" she brought out, focusing on her drink and stirring it with her straw.

The blonde had no idea what Santana's behaviour was all about, her mind suddenly full of possibilities. What could she be embarassed about? It couldn't be worse than what she had to hide herself, right?

"It can't be that bad.." Brittany said softly, her voice truly honest.

"Believe me, it is.."

"No, trust me" the blonde reassured her, "there is really nothing that would shock me, okay?"

For a second, part of her had hoped that Santana's secret could be so unexpected that her own would seem less terrifying - though she couldn't think of anything.

Santana sighed, leaning back against the bar.

"Alright.. so.." she started slowly. "My father is the inventor of the bananabox.."

Brittany's eyebrows were raising in disbelief, not really sure what any of this had to do with Santana's job and also not sure what exactly a 'bananabox' was. The brunette sensed her confusion.

"Bananabox - that's this plastic box where you can put in your banana for breakfast so it doesn't get brown and squished on the way to work... anyways - the company is quite big and he makes a lot of money"

"Which is bad because...?" Brittany wanted to know, trying to understand what the other woman was embarassed about.

"I was used to living from his fortune, dropped out of college. I had no motivation to do anything with my life since it was all rolling so easily anyways. I tried modeling but people kept telling me I was too short. So I got these small jobs, such as hand modeling for nail polish commercials and stuff like that, nothing that easily assures you a comfortable lifestyle - at least not in the better areas of New York City.." She sighed again, scratching her neck.

"So my dad stopped supporting me, said he'd never send me money anymore until I'd decide what to do with my life.. I kept dating wealthier woman, such as Shelby. But now that she kicked me out, well... I don't have much left."

She paused for a moment, finally looking at Brittany again.

"Does that make me a crappy person?"

"No..." the blonde replied, smiling almost a little sadly. "You're not crappy. Not at all."

She moved around the bar and grabbed the Latina's neck, dragging her in for a passionate kiss. Even though there was no need to hurry, both of them seemed so rushed, not being able to hold themselves back any longer. Their tongues met and Santana moaned loudly at the sensation that was Brittany's hand palming her breast, quickly flipping open the button of her blazer. She maneuvered them over to the big white leather couch, pushing the brunette against the backrest until she fell backwards, landing on the seat with Brittany on top of her.

"Just to be clear.." she panted in between kisses. "I'm not making out with you so you will let me move in.."

"I didn't think so.." Brittany answered breathlessly against Santana's lips.

"Good, cause I think you're extremely hot.."

"Mmmhh.." was all the blonde managed to reply, sucking and nibbling at the brunette's neck.

"And I'm already so wet for you since I saw you in that dress tonight... seriously.. I'm soaked."

Brittany just wanted to nod but then had to whimper at the sudden sensation of Santana sticking her tongue out to caress her earlobe while guiding the blonde's hand underneath her skirt and between her legs, pushing it firmly against the indeed really damp material of her thong.

"Though the dress starts annoying me.." she added

Brittany was just about to undo her zipper when she heard her phone ringing on the table. She immediately tensed at the song. She used specific ringtones for specific people and the fact that 'Loser' was playing was definitely _not _a good sign.

Santana kept kissing her, her eyes closed, until she realized the blonde wasn't really responding anymore.

"Are you alright?" she asked, looking at the suddenly pale woman on top of her.

Brittany shook her head. "I think I have to take this.. One sec, okay?"

The Latina sighed, already missing the blonde's weight on her body, feeling totally aroused and worried that their sexytimes would be over.

The blonde wanted to pick up the phone but it had already stopped ringing. Instead she received a text.

_'Whyddontyou pickup yor fucckin phone? emerrgency. meeet me at myy houSe NOW!'_

The young woman stared at her screen. So many typos in just one text, it must have been typed in a hurry, no doubt this was important. He knew exactly that he was just supposed to call her when something was seriously wrong.

She looked back over her shoulder at Santana who had gotten up from the couch, buttoning her blazer again and straightening her skirt. This really couldn't be true. Why now? What happened?

Brown eyes were searching for an answer and when Brittany didn't say anything and just stared at her, Santana knew the night was over.

"I guess I'll better call a cab?"

For a second she had hoped Brittany would say 'no' and they could return to the way it was, but the blonde just nodded.

"I'm so sorry, you have to believe me."

"Yeah.." Santana replied. "Take care, whatever it is that needs to be done.." she added and left the appartment, leaving Brittany behind who felt completely miserable.

The blonde quickly got dressed a little more appropriately, grabbed her bag and ran out of the house, hoping whatever it was that happened happened, it would all be okay.

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When Brittany arrived at the house, Noah was already waiting for her in the frontyard, his nose bleeding. He stumbled over to her, obviously drunk, wiping the blood away with the sleeve of his jeans jacket.

"What the fuck, Noah?" the blonde yelled, having a vague idea that this was not the kind of emergency she had expected.

"Not what the fuck, what the _puck_!" the man replied, barely able to stand straight. "I need cash!"

"You know exactly that you're only supposed to call this number in emergencies, only when something is seriously _wrong_!"

"Something _is _wrong" Puck replied, pretending to sound offended. "I need cash, like, _now_. There are some guys in there who are not exactly my friends and they're tired of waiting for their money.."

"Where is she Noah? Tell me right now."

Brittany sounded angry and worried, terrified even.

"Relax, she's fine, sleeping at a friend's house... not like it's any of your business though."

The blonde sighed, half relieved, half tortured. "How much do you need?"

"Five" Puck stated, holding up his hand, waving with his five fingers.

"Hundred?"

"Haha, thousand, what do you think?"

The blonde brought her hands to her temples, shaking her head. "I don't carry that kind of money around in my purse, Noah.."

"Well, I'm sure you'll find other ways to pay them" he said grinning, but his smirk quickly faded when Brittany slapped him across the face, hard.

"You don't get to talk to me like that" she said in a cold voice.

Noah stared back at her, suddenly anger flickering in his eyes. "Don't get to talk to you like that? You fucking _owe _me, bitch! Don't forget that!"

The blonde knew how Puck could get when he was drunk, being far more aggressive than he usually was. She fumbled for her purse and took out her money - 1 283 dollar, everything she had at the moment.

Handing him the cash she looked him straight in the eyes.

"I hope for you that you don't drag her into any of this. And don't call me ever again if it's not about her, are we clear?"

Puck just shoved the money into his pocket and glared back at her.

She turned around to walk to her car, not willing to waste any more time with all this.

"Good luck, Puck."

On the way back home she couldn't get over the fact that she had left Santana for _this_, what was fate trying to tell her? Why was her life so screwed up? Some angry tears were streaming down her face and she turned on the radio to keep herself distracted. There was Dave's favorite talkshow again and Brittany sighed. If this stuff made him feel less fucked up, maybe it would help her as well. At least tonight.

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TBC

**A/N: Thanks again for the many kind comments :) It means a lot to me!**

** There are quite a few Glee characters who have smaller/bigger roles in this piece, I hope you think it works for the story, even though I have to make them slightly OOC to fit the mood of the whole fic...**

**Anyways, just tell me your opinion!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Brittany hadn't heard anything from Santana all day and it made her feel helpless. She wasn't used to all this anymore, to caring about a person that way, to wanting to make things right with them. Her private social life had become practically non existent since she had chosen to become an escort and she knew it was the price she had to pay for all of this. She knew it meant being isolated and letting people in was simply too hard. Still, she longer she had lived like this, coming home to an empty appartment late at night without anyone to talk to, it was depressing.

She used to be a happy person during high school, a quite ditzy character, never particularly smart but always popular. She wondered what exactly she had done that made her end up like this, suddenly feeling so desperate that she felt the need to cling on a person she barely knew.

She didn't even know what exactly she wanted from Santana, she was quite sure she wasn't even capable of letting her in like _that,_ of actually having a relationship - the only thing Brittany knew was that Santana made her feel amazing, more amazing than she had thought at first. She hadn't met such a person in a long time and as wrong as she knew it was, as right did it feel to be around her.

The blonde had to constantly remind herself that it was not only her job that made things difficult, it was her life in general. She figured it was fate that Puck had called her the previous night, rubbing into her face once more that it was all kinds of wrong to be wanting to start anything with Santana. There was no way she could explain any of this to the brunette, how would she even start?

"Okay, Santana, I know you want to get to know me, so here are the facts: I work as an escort, selling my body to rich strangers every night - but hey, I get paid well, that's a bonus, right? Oh, and I have a four year old daughter who is living with my ex, because, you know, being with clients every night doesn't really allow me to take good care of her. But hooray, now that you're in my life, maybe babysit sometimes?"

No. That was not what was going to happen. Nothing was going to happen at all. She had to stop this before it turned ugly - for Santana's sake, not even for her own.

She would get through another day, things would get back to normal and Santana would forget about her.

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A threesome was on her schedule for the night, something that was always especially well paid. She could live with these meetings, even though they usually required even more work and attention than her usual encounters with clients, the expectations simply being doubled. At least it mostly meant that she was meeting with married couples or people in a very experimental mood, so looking at it from a moral perspective it at least didn't mean some guy was secretly cheating with her on his wife. Not that Brittany really had the time and energy to care about morals in the first place, she had stopped doing that a long time ago.

The couple was actually quite handsome, though the guy reminded her a little of a younger version of Will Schuester. His brunette wife seemed nervous and unsure why she was even doing any of this, but Brittany figured that wasn't really her problem. Still she felt a little sorry for her, figuring she was doing this for her husband as some kind of favor. She'd at least try to give her a nice orgasm so she'd get _something _good out of all this.

"I'm Jesse by the way" the man told Brittany, "and this is my wife, Rachel."

He smiled and obviously tried to act confidently - though Brittany realized right away he himself had never done anything like this before and wasn't exactly sure how this was going to work.

"I'm Heather" she lied, using one of her more popular pseudonyms. "Are you alright?"

She was talking to Rachel who had sat down on the bed, looking a little pale.

"Uh, sure, I'm fine."

"She's a little nervous.." Jesse jumped in for her. "She's never done it with a woman."

The brunette gave him a weird look and Jesse quickly continued. "It's not like I'm forcing her or anything though" he defended himself, "the whole thing was her idea. It's our anniversary, you know?"

Brittany just nodded. "Congratulations."

She walked over to Rachel to sit down beside her and put her hand on her leg.

"So, Rachel.. what do you say - we will make this the best fucking anniversary ever, and not only for him" she announced, smiling flirtatiously and nodding in Jesse's direction. The man sat down on the chair opposite their bed and his mouth fell open when he saw his wife giving the hot blonde a nod and a shy smile before 'Heather' leaned forward to kiss the brunette.

Brittany allowed herself to kiss her a little more intimately than she would usually kiss a client - considering Rachel was a woman who was also quite attractive and entirely harmless. A little intimacy might make her feel a bit safer.

The small groan escaping Rachel's lips told Brittany she was doing a good job so far and she felt the brunette respond to her touches. When their lips parted and the blonde started unbottoning her dress, the pale tone had disappeared from the brunette's face, replaced by a rosy flush on her cheeks.

Jesse slowly got up from his chair, unbuckling the belt on his jeans.

"Oh yeah..." he moaned in approval of the picture in front of him. "Definitely best fucking anniversary ever..."

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Back in her appartment Brittany's heart skipped a beat when she looked at her cell phone and realized Santana had tried calling her twice. She felt her heart beat a little faster, millions of thoughts flashing through her mind. Should she call her back? She had already made her decision, but that was when she had thought Santana would never contact her again. Now the situation looked entirely different.

Maybe the brunette had just forgotten something in her appartment in last night's rush that she needed to have back? Her purse or something?

She was quickly scanning the living room area for any item that didn't belong there but she couldn't make out anything unusual.

Before she had the chance to think about it any further, her phone was vibrating again.

'_Fuck' _she thought, feeling hot waves rush through her body. Should she pick up?

As if lead by some supernatural force, her thumb hit the green button on her cell.

"Hello?"

"I was going to try it three times, then I would have decided to delete your number" came the voice at the other end.

The blonde smiled a little, hearing Santana's voice already now being the best part of her whole day.

"I'm sorry, I just got home.."

"Work?"

"Mmhh.."

Brittany needed to sit down, pouring herself a drink to feel more confident.

"So... are you going to explain to me what happened yesterday?" the brunette wanted to know and Brittany couldn't quite make out if her tone was huffy.

"I..." she started, not having prepared any excuse for the whole situation. '_ACT!_' she ordered herself, taking another sip.

"It was just my friend, he was in trouble. It was stupid, I don't know. He tends to get involved with the wrong people and really needed me.. I'm so sorry"

A few seconds of silence passed between them and it made Brittany nervous as hell.

"So why haven't you called me?" Santana then asked and the blonde thought she almost sounded a little sad.

"I just figured I scared you away. It's not exactly what you'd want to experience on a first date with someone, already being confronted with their complicated shit.."

Santana laughed and Brittany wondered what was so funny about the whole thing.

"Well, it's not like I haven't told you enough of my own complicated shit. I'm not perfect either, I can handle a little 'complicated'."

The blonde needed to shut her eyes for a moment at those words. Santana actually reacted understanding. Was there a possibility - maybe the slightest chance - she'd be able to handle even worse things? The whole truth? She needed to believe this for now, needed to enjoy that little spark of hope.

"Is he at least okay? Your friend?"

"Yeah.. he will be fine.." Brittany slowly replied, moving into a more comfortable position on her couch. The couch she'd been sitting on with Santana. The couch on which she had kissed her, made her whimper.. she wished she was here right now, that they could just pick up from where they had left off.

"Are you okay? You're so quiet.." Santana stated after a few more seconds of silence and Brittany remembered she should probably start making conversation since the other woman had already been brave enough to call her.

"I'm sorry.. I was just thinking about last night" she admitted honestly.

"What exactly were you thinking about?" Santana asked curiously, though she already had a pretty good idea.

Brittany cleared her throat.

"Well.. about how much I regret that I had to leave.."

"Yeah.. it was getting pretty.. _heated_." The blonde could hear her swallow.

Brittany tried to regain some of her usual confidence, feeling like she needed to remind the other woman of her advantages, of the things she obviously liked about her, of the things she was truly _good _at. The _only_ thing she was good at. She had to smile a little and sunk deeper into the seat before she spoke again.

"I'm sitting on that same spot where I kissed you last night. And I wish you were here... on top of me.."

She technically breathed the words into her speaker, wondering if she was maybe going a step too far.

"I'd like that.." came Santana's slow reply and it was all encouragement Brittany needed.

"You'd like that, eh?" she teased her. "Me,too.."

She felt terribly warm in her tight clothes, the thought of Santana at the other end of the phone most likely fantasizing about her turning her on immensely.

"I'd love to just kiss you.. run my tongue along your jaw, your neck.. to touch you.."

"Where would you touch me?" Santana asked, her voice barely more than a whisper.

"I'd touch your beautiful breasts.. they felt so good in my hands.. so full.. I wish I could have seen them naked.. wish I could have kissed them, run my tongue around your nipples.. suck them just enough to make you moan.. one of those soft moans I can still hear so clearly in my head.."

She received one of those exact moans as a reply and closed her eyes at the beautiful sound.

"Yeah, just like that.."

It took all of her willpower not to start touching herself right then. She tried to just keep it like that, to just leave it up to her imagination. Somehow it felt amazing to be turned on like this, just by her thoughts. She had already been touched so often that night, she didn't want it right now, not from her own hands. She'd try to enjoy it as an entirely mental pleasure, she would wait until it really was Santana who'd be doing the rest.

"It was so hot when you pushed my hand between your legs.. I could feel exactly how wet you were, how soaked your underwear was.. I love that I can do that to you.."

"I'm just as wet right now.." Santana admitted and Brittany couldn't help but wonder what the brunette's hands were doing right now.

"I'm sure you are.. if I can close my eyes I can still smell it.. you smell so fucking great." She sighed. "I was so mad that I didn't get the chance to feel that wetness on my fingers.. I wanted so badly just to let my hand travel into your thong and feel it right then. Dip my finger just a little bit inside you... take it to my lips and taste what I did to you.."

She heard Santana catch her breath at her words. She knew she was completely in charge of the situation and it seemed like the other woman was just entirely drawn to her voice, not even able to reply with full sentences. It made her feel sexy and a little powerful.

"Just imagining what you'd taste like on my finger.. I know I wouldn't be able to hold back much longer.. it would drive me mad, the need to get more of that taste.. you know what I would do?"

"What?" was the only thing Santana managed to reply, needing to hear the answer.

"I would push up that tight little skirt of yours.. push it up just enough to get a good look at you.. I'd crawl on top of you, move more downwards, really low, until my face is right above that wet piece of fabric.. and I'd strip it down your gorgeous legs.. have you right in front of me, naked from the waist down. You look so fucking sexy like that.. still half-dressed, still wearing that skirt.. but I can still look at your pussy.."

Santana moaned at the last word, reacting exactly the way Brittany had hoped as she had pronounced it.

"You can feel my hot breath on you... how I blow just a little bit against your clit.."

"Gosh, yes.." the other woman brought out and Brittany could just imagine how she was probably waiting for the final words that would allow her to finally touch herself.

"I wonder what you'd want me to do next.." she deliberated out loud, teasing the brunette.

"Please.." came Santana's soft but needy voice.

"Please what?" Brittany breathed back at her.

"Touch me, lick me, do _something_.."

The blonde had to smirk, enjoying every second of their 'conversation'. She could feel her own wetness between her legs and pushed her thighs firmly together. She would not become weak.

"So needy, I like it.." she continued in a low voice. "So, since you asked for it... I would let my mouth come even closer to you.. until I'm almost there.. until you can feel just the tip of my tongue against your clit.."

The moan she received now was less soft than the previous ones, an indication that Santana was doing more than just listening right now.

"I feel how much you like it.. Your clit is rock hard against my tongue, I think I need to suck it until it becomes soft again.."

"Fuck, yes, please.."

Brittany figured this was just the sweetest kind of torture she had ever experienced.

"Do you like it? How my lips are closing around it? How my tongue is massaging this spot right underneath your clit? How it sometimes licks a little deeper, right at your entrance?"

"Shit, yes, I like that.."

She would get her so far into this, Brittany was sure of that. She would make sure she was the only thing Santana would be able to think about until they saw each other the next time, it felt like the ultimate goal in life right now, to have the Latina be so hot for her.

"I do too.. having your juice on my lips.. it makes me so greedy for more.. it's the fucking best thing I ever tasted.."

Her own sex felt as is if was throbbing by now and it made Brittany's head spin. _Stay strong_.

"I push my tongue fully inside you because I can't stand it any longer.. and it dips inside so easily.. but I can still feel how fucking tight you are.. so tight around my tongue.."

"Oh my god, Brit.. I'm so close.." Santna moaned into her cell and Brittany suddenly felt the alarm bells ring in her head. She knew what she was about to do was crucial, but she wanted it, wanted Santana to be even hotter for her when they'd see each other.

"Stop touching yourself" she ordered, biting her lip with a vicious smirk.

"What?" Santana panted surprised, not sure she had understood correctly.

"You heard me" Brittany said in a firm voice. "I said no more touching."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" the Latina almost yelled into the speaker and the blonde knew she had her where she wanted her.

"Listen to me, Santana.." she started, her voice soft but deadly serious. "There is nothing I want more in this world than getting you off, trust me. But when it happens for the first time I wanna look into your face.. I wanna see your eyes roll back into your head.. I wanna see the expression on your face when you moan my name.. and I know I can't control what's about to happen when we hang up now, I don't know if you're gonna finish this without me, but believe me one thing... if you wait for me.. if you wait until the next time you see me – which will be soon – then I will make you come so much harder than your own hand ever could."

At first there was no answer and Brittany already worried Santana had hung up in an act of desperation, but then she heard her clear her throat.

"Fine.." she finally brought out. "Geez, Brittany... just.. _geez_.. you better make that up to me, I'm serious.."

The blonde had to laugh, glad her drink was still standing right next to her.

"You can count on that."

"So.. sleep well.." Santana replied, not able to hide the immense frustration in her voice.

"Oh I will.. you, too okay? Sweet dreams" she added, flirting.

"Funny.."

With that the call ended and Brittany looked at her phone for a moment, a proud and satisfied smile on her lips. All she needed now was a cold shower.

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TBC

**A/N: haha, evil, isn't it? This chapter had less plot development than I had planned, but it's late and I need sleep. So, more plot in chapter 5 ;) thank you again for reading and reviewing and sorry if the updates take a little longer, it will get better again when uni is stressing me less! leave a comment if you have the time! =)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Finally an update - and it's a long one =)**

** Special thanks and a million cookies for my beta reader Stephanie who did a very good job, really glad to have found someone who looks over my mistakes! You rock!**

**Chapter 5**

When Santana opened her eyes she could still feel the effect of Brittany's words between her legs. The goddamn shower before sleep hadn't helped at all, she still felt hot and her night had been full of _dreams_. Mostly dreams of a certain blonde head between her thighs.

The Latina was somehow surprised, even intimidated by all this. When had she turned into a person who'd let other people tell her what to do? When had this all started? With Shelby?

Santana Lopez had always been the kind of woman who'd keep the upper hand in a relationship - especially back in the days when she herself still had a lot of money. She had been untouchable.

She'd spent the nights with the sexiest girls, invited them to clubs, bought them dinner and drinks and then took them home with her to continue their little evening of fun. Still - most of them couldn't keep the Latina interested. Santana had enjoyed the excitement of meeting new people and if she was honest with herself, most of her lovers quickly turned out to have at least one bad quality that would immediately drive her crazy. One had this annoying giggle, another made weird sounds during sex and yet another had a crippled toe - she always found something that was reason enough not to call them back.

Santana couldn't help it, but in most cases she felt intellectually superior to her lovers. Even though she herself was no academic - she just realized how they all seemed entirely superficial, never finding this emotional base with anyone that would make her want to share any of her personal feelings.

Most of these women were bisexuals who were stuck in their own little "fun phase", some of them even girls who claimed to be straight and were just looking for a one-time chance to live out their dirty little fantasies. Not that Santana minded. She often liked the feeling of turning a straight woman gay for just one night, plus it meant they probably wouldn't take out one her with their calls the following day. Maybe they'd text her again for casual sex when their boyfriend broke up with them, but that was fine with the Latina as well as long as the night had been fun.

It seemed as if these girls had no problems at all, as if they were simply enjoying their wealthy lifestyle. Not that Santana hadn't been doing the exact same thing with her father's money, but she liked at least to think of herself as a person who knew what the dark side of life could look like. She had experienced a lot of rejection in her youth and she knew what it felt like to get hurt.

After her mother's death it had been difficult for her to open up to people. She had been dealing with her coming out at that time, still feeling like a confused teenager when her mom was dying from cancer. Her dad had decided to put all his focus on work and his buisiness, the fact that his daughter soon told him she was gay being just one more point on the list of things that made his life more miserable. Losing his wife to cancer, losing his daughter to homosexuality - Fernando Lopez had been sure fate was trying to punish him.

He had supported his daughter's decision to move out as quickly as possible, already giving her money for her own apartment at age 17.

''_I don't want you to live your filthy lovelife under my roof anyways_'' he had told her and Santana didn't need more encouragement than that - she had never been a person who'd hidden her sexuality. She loved her body and would never let any man touch it just because her father or anyone else in this world thought it was the right thing, the way it's 'supposed to be'.

In her mind, her mom was always on her side. Even though she never had the chance to come out to her, she knew her mother loved her just the way she was and it was something she knew in her heart, something that kept her going.

She should have figured though that at some point Fernando would not be willing to pay for her anymore and she couldn't deny that she regretted not having looked for a decent job. Older women had seemed like the right solution for the moment, until she'd figure out what else to do with herself. She would just date them as long as she felt like it, until she found a more appealing place to stay.

These ladies were usually in their mid-fourties, often lesbian women who felt lonely and enjoyed the thrill of having a younger, more attractive woman in their house. Sometimes they were divorced and frustrated - like Shelby - telling themselves that all men were assholes and needing some kind of reassurance that they were still loved and wanted. The fact that Shelby actually broke it off with her was still scratching on Santana's self-esteem.

Santana's thoughts traveled back to her previous night's arousal and she was desperately trying to figure out what part Brittany suddenly played in all of this. What was it that felt so entirely different about her?

She thought back to the moment they first met and what effect the blonde immediately had on her. She seemed so in charge, so completely in terms of her looks and her body, so sure about her sexuality, it was fascinating. There was no annoying giggle, no superficial smiling, all she had seen was pure sensuality. And there was something in those piercing blue eyes, something she had missed in so many other women.. It was depth, maybe even a little bit of sadness, simply something that indicated that there was much more to the woman than just the New York City nightlife.

And here she was, completely hooked already, by a girl she barely knew anything about. A woman who managed to seduce her on the phone as no one else had managed before, who actually ordered her to stop touching herself. A woman who had crept into her dreams and wouldn't leave her head.

Santana was sure she was going insane, as if she was on some new designer drug called "B". She hadn't felt like this in years, this weird need to be around somebody, to touch them, to be desired by them, it was scary but she was not willing to fight against this feeling, it was too damn refreshing.

Climbing out of bed and getting dressed, the Latina made sure to have her phone in her jeans pocket, pressed closely to her body. She wouldn't miss the moment when Brittany called her, she would pick up and they would talk and set a date. Maybe, once they finally got it on, maybe it would release some of this permanent sexual tension. Maybe she'd just relax and realize she was just being silly. Maybe she just enjoyed the thrill, this intense kind of foreplay they were practicing for days now. Maybe, after all this was over, Brittany would be just boring and superficial - just like all the other girls...

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Being unemployed meant being bored. It was something Santana never would have expected a few years ago, but she actually realized that life bored her. She knew all the morning talkshows, all the sitcoms, hell - even all the cartoons that were playing between 10 a.m and 4 p.m. She needed to get out of the room before her brain was fried.

It had been a good day for a little workout, some jogging and a quick stop at the gym - considering it helped getting rid of some tension. But what was there to do afterwards? She checked the daily newspaper for the want ads but there was nothing that suited her. A job as a waitress? How much lower could she sink? Most other employers expected at least some kind of job experience which - to be quite honest - she just didn't have. She could probably talk to her father, ask him for a job as an assistant in his company, but she figured she'd rather work at Mc Donald's than ask him for anymore favors.

Maybe she'd ask Quinn for help again, she was her oldest friend after all. Since the young blonde had married they didn't get to talk much anymore, it was always just work or family time for her.

Quinn was working as a midwife in the local hospital, using her job as some way of coping with the fact that she herself wasn't able to have children. After her first miscarriage the doctors had told her the chances were next to nothing that she'd ever be able to conceive again so the young nurse had decided to specialize in obstetrics. Quinn knew a lot of people, so did her husband - maybe one of them would be willing to help her out.

Looking through her closet for a more appropriate summer outfit, Santana realized that one of her favorite white dresses was missing. She tried to remember when she'd worn it the last time when she realized who had loved that dress on her so much.

The thought made the Latina a little angry. She was not gonna leave any piece of clothing at Shelby's place that the other woman could keep as some kind of trophy.

Quickly slipping into some brown shorts and a white lace top that went well with her natural tan, Santana grabbed her purse and headed straight to the place she had considered 'home' not too long ago.

Just as she was hammering against the front door and yelling for Shelby to finally open, the Latina realized she still owned a key to the house. She didn't hesitate for a second when she pushed the key into the lock and turned it around, quickly stepping into the hallway and heading for their old bedroom.

She passed by the living room and saw Shelby sitting on the sofa with her daughter Rachel and her loser husband Jesse . The older brunette's eyes widened in surprise and she jumped off her seat.

"What are you doing here? I want my keys back!" she hissed, walking towards the Latina who just gave her her most vicious smile.

"Oh, of course _honey_" she twittered, throwing the small silver key against Shelby's chest with a casual move, the other woman barely able to catch it.

"I see you have company. Hello, Rachel. Is your mom hitting on your husband again?"

Rachel gave Santana a look that was supposed to be pitiful but she couldn't hide the anger that was flashing through her. Jesse was looking confused, his gaze traveling to Shelby, most likely wondering how he could have missed something so important.

"Santana." Rachel stated, her voice cold. "Here I was hoping I'd never have to see you again.."

"At least this time she's dressed" Jesse let out with an amused smirk which only earned him a slap from his wife against the back of his head.

"What do you want?" Shelby asked again, glaring at her ex, attempting to drag her into the hallway.

"I want my clothes back. My white dress, my red top, the silver shoes I left here.."

"Cute how you find excuses to see me again..." Shelby whispered so her daughter wouldn't hear it and Santana just rolled her eyes.

"Right. Actually I just want my clothes back and I'll get the hell out of here..."

"Already found someone else you can eat out of house and home?" Shelby asked dismissively and Santana enjoyed the fact that the woman's behaviour didn't affect her at all.

"I found someone I can eat out, yes" she stated with a wink and simply opened Shelby's closet who didn't seem to be willing to look for her things.

Santana casually threw some clothes behind her in a small pile until she found everything she had been looking for and stuffed it into her bag.

"Hey that's mine!" Shelby suddenly exclaimed, reaching for a short skirt the Latina was about to take with her.

"Oh, yeah, consider it a last favor. Just wanna prevent you from ever wearing this thing again. Whenever you walked around in that I could just read the word 'CELLULITE' on everyone's face. You're not getting younger, Shel."

Santana had to giggle despite herself.

"Oh, just get the fuck out of my house, Lopez, you hear me? Just get the fuck out. Enjoy the little pathetic hooker life you're living with whoever is dumb enough to take you in next!"

"I will!" Santana replied smiling, hugging the bag in front of her chest, walking through the hallway with fast steps. Before she opened the front door again she peeked into the living room one last time.

"So nice never to see you again! Take care you two!"

Rachel was still yelling something that Santana couldn't hear, she had already slammed the door shut, feeling somehow accomplished. This part of her life was over, she was definitely ready for something new.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Santana was pleasantly surprised that Quinn was actually home when she stopped by. She had the late shift at the hospital today and spent the morning and early afternoon at home with her husband Sam who had to stay put with a broken ankle.

"Santana, I missed you!" Quinn exclaimed happily when she saw the brunette, dragging her in for a close hug. "You don't come by often enough, you know that?"

"I could say the same, but I have no place you could come to, so I guess that doesn't count" the Latina replied, smiling a little sadly.

Quinn just smiled back, compassionately, and took Santana's hand to lead her inside.

"Just saying - Sam's a little whiny because his foot hurts, you know how men are..."

"That's why I prefer women" the Latina replied with a wink and followed Quinn who was just grinning at her comment.

Santana sat down next to Sam who was on the couch drinking tea and watching his favorite Sean Connery Blu-Ray, stuffing chips into his mouth like a robot.

"Careful..." he ordered with a tortured voice when the brunette accidentaly touched his leg that was supported by a chair, earning himself a frown and a raised eyebrow by both women in the room.

"You want something to drink? Or maybe a muffin? I baked some today!" Quinn offered with a chipper voice, not even waiting for an answer before she grabbed the lovingly decorated blueberry muffins and held the tray in front of her friend.

"Thanks.." Santana muttered, unwrapping the small piece of food, nibbling a little at the colorful topping.

"The reason I'm here.." she started "..is because I actually hoped one of you guys might be able to help me out.. I really need a job - like really need."

"Let me guess, you broke up with Shelby?" Quinn wanted to know, sitting down at the other side of the living room table with a thoughtful look on her face, tilting her head.

"Oh tell me you didn't, she was a total MILF!" Sam pleaded, crumbs all over his Marbel t-shirt.

"Shut up and watch your movie!" Quinn ordered unimpressed and Sam did just that.

"Well, she broke up with me.. we were close to killing each other actually.. but yeah, I'm back at the hotel for now.."

"Did you meet someone else?" the blonde then queried and the Latina frowned.

"Why would you ask that?"

"I don't know, it's just a feeling. You don't seem too distressed about the break-up, like someone else might be lifting your self-esteem already.."

Santana was impressed how well the ex-cheerleader seemed to know her and it made her miss the times when it was just the two of them, doing basically everything together. They had been inseparable and knew each other's best-hidden secrets... until at some point Santana knew she had been replaced by Sam. And she was happy for her friend, she really was, she just never got to the point where she herself would be as close to anyone else, anyone she could love. She sighed.

"There might be someone.. but I'm still figuring out what it means.."

"What it means?" Quinn echoed surprised. "What do you mean, means? Since when does Santana Lopez think about the meaning of a relationship? I want to meet this woman and ask her what she's done with my friend!"

Santana had to laugh and just shook her head. "No no, no one gets to meet her until I know where this is going."

"But you want it to go somewhere?" the blonde then asked and Santana thought she could hear something like hope.

"I don't know.. I just know I need a job. I know she already means more to me than any other chick into whose home I've invited myself, and even though Brit's got plenty of spare room in her appartment, I kind of wanna be able to look out for myself.."

"Brit it is, I see" came Quinn's reply with a cheeky grin.

"I have an idea" Sam suddenly mentioned from the side, both women having somehow forgotten he was even there.

"Oh and what idea would that be, sweetie?" his wife wondered in a slightly mocking tone.

"I have a friend who's looking for some new employees and I think _you_..." he looked up and down the Latina's body, apparently examining it quite closely, "..yeah, I think you could do that."

He fumbled for his wallet, letting out some more groans in the process to remind everyone that he was in pain, and finally found the little card that he was looking for.

"Here. You should give him a call!"

Santana stared at the little paper card in disbelief, reading the words slowly.

"You're kidding, right?"

Sam just laughed, shaking his head.

"You said you needed money, that's all I have to offer right now."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Time had passed by and Santana felt entirely silly for having hoped Brittany would actually call. She had gone to the adress that Sam had given her and this guy had actually given her the job, at least on a trial basis for now. She knew she would hate every minute of it but she needed the money so there was no other option for now.

Afterwards she had even called the number of the restaurant, the place that was looking for a waitress, and they suggested she come by as soon as possible so she could fill out an application.

It all did make the Latina feel quite accomplished but still her phone didn't ring.

She decided to go to the movies alone to distract herself so she forced herself to sit through an independent film at a small theater that in fact hadn't interested her at all. So much drama, no hot actresses, no happy ending - how frustrating.

Just when she was about to head home and trying to catch a cab, the cell in her pocket finally vibrated.

"Hello?"

"Come to my place, now!" the voice ordered at the other end and Santana's heart stopped.

"You call me at 11 p.m and just expect me to come over?" she asked in serious disbelief but already knew she would tell the driver Brittany's adress when the yellow cab came to a stop in front of her.

"Yes, that's actually what I expect, because I know you want to." Brittany stated and Santana swallowed.

"I'll be there in ten..."

The call ended without any other word and Santana shook her head. _I'm so whipped_.

She tried lying to herself, tried to tell herself she hadn't picked this weird independent movie just because she knew it was the closest theatre to Brit's appartment, that she hadn't secretly hoped that exactly this was going to happen.

"Date?" the driver asked when the Latina hastily checked her appearance in the her small hand mirror and rearranged her make-up.

"Spontaneous date, yeah..." the brunette replied nervously and cursed at the fact she was almost poking her eye out with her mascara in the backseat of the dark car.

The man chuckled and turned on a small light so the brunette would be able to get a better look at herself.

"Thanks.." she muttered and finished her makeup, hating the fact that her hands were shaking like a teenager's right before a math test.

When the car stopped in the blonde's driveway, Santana just hoped that after tonight she'd finally be able go back to normal, she was a grown women with plenty of experience, her excitement was just ridiculous.

She wished she could give the driver a bigger tip for actually being nice to her but she figured she'd make up for that if it worked out with her potential new jobs.

"Have fun then! And don't be nervous, you look great, he's a lucky guy!"

"She's a lucky woman" Santana felt the need to clarify before smiling at the driver one last time and shutting the door close behind her. Yes, Brittany was a lucky woman, she certainly wouldn't have done this for anyone else, that was a fact.

Only seconds after she rang the bell, the blonde's door swung open and Santana thought she might faint. Why the hell did this girl look so breathtaking?

Blonde curls, perfectly falling down her shoulders. A red dress pushing up her breasts, matching her lipstick. A dark makeup, highlighting her cat-like eyes, giving her this mysterious edge that Santana loved. The smell of sweet, expensive perfume filling her nostrils, intoxicating her senses. One hand seductively put against the doorframe, the position perfectly emphasizing her female curves.

Brittany said nothing, just held the door open for her, and the second the Latina was inside, their lips crashed against each other, the blonde quickly kicking the door closed with her heel.

"You enjoy letting me wait, don't you?" Santana panted against Brittany's mouth, being pushed against the wall.

"Anticipation is the best part" Brittany replied, cupping her breasts through her lace shirt.

"You'll be the death of me, I can feel it" the Latina muttered, hating the honesty in her statement.

The blonde's lips were on her neck, her hands already fumbling for the belt on Santana's brown shorts. "It will be a sweet death" she stated a little out of breath, quickly stripping the fabric down the brunette's legs.

Before Santana knew what was happening her legs were wrapped around Brittany's waist and the surprisingly strong blonde carried her into the bedroom with fast steps, her lips never breaking her kisses.

She dropped her onto the bed before slowly unzipping her dress, her eyes fixed on the woman in front of her.

"I thought about you all day" she admitted and every bone inside the brunette hoped Brittany wasn't lying.

When the red dress fell onto the floor and the blonde stepped out of it, Santana had to catch her breath once again. She was standing entirely naked in front of her, apparently not having bothered to put on any underwear.

"You like playing fast, don't you?" she asked in a shaky voice, her eyes glued to the blonde's perfect breasts, her trained abs, her long legs, the part between those legs...

"I just guess we shouldn't waste more time than we already have."

Santana didn't want to argue that point.

Impatiently longing for the feel of the blonde's skin on her own she quickly removed her top and her bra, taking Brittany's hand and dragging her on top of herself. It felt amazing, the heat radiating from her body, the soft hands on her chest, the wet lips on her own, sucking slightly.

"Turn around" the blonde ordered and Santana did, as the other girl embraced her from behind.

Her movements became slower, more sensual, and it sent shivers down the Latina's spine when she closed her eyes and Brittany's mouth caressed her shoulderblades, pushing some dark hair aside for better access. She felt her tongue run along her neck and her collarbone while her hand moved around her body, slowly traveling inside of her thong.

"Mmh, how wet you already are. You really can't wait, can you?"

Santana just shook her head, her gaze traveling down between her legs, staring at the hand that was disappearing inside the little piece of clothing. She was glad she could lean back and support herself against the blonde's body, her knees weak, barely strong enough to remain steady on the soft mattress.

Apparently encouraged by Santana's need, Brittany's fingers started moving along the brunette's clit, causing her to let out a deep groan.

"_Fuck_.." she muttered, pressing her eyes shut. "Just fuck me okay? Just do it."

Brittany's lips formed into a smile against Santana's neck and she nodded, pushing the Latina's body forward so she ended up on all fours, sliding her thong slowly down her perfect ass, kissing and licking every spot on the way.

When it was finally out of the way, Brittany's hands were back between Santana's legs, pushing two fingers inside her from behind in one fast movement, making her gasp in surprise.

Not wasting any time, the blonde pumped into her hard and fast, her mouth soon following her fingers, licking just the right spots that made Santana lose any sense of reality.

"Fuck, Brittany, you know what you're doing.." she moaned, not sure any woman had ever done it to her like this before, it was pure ecstasy.

She felt her orgasm build up fast, and as much as she wanted to drag this out as long as possible, she just knew that she couldn't, the extreme stimulation simply being too much. She wanted to touch her, wanted to make Brittany feel as good as she made her, but the blonde seemed to be too lost in her work, not giving the Latina the chance to breathe and move properly.

Before she knew what was happening her whole body was tensing and the orgasm hit her, Brittany's name escaping her lips in a loud cry. She felt her walls clench hard around the blonde's hand, felt herself spasm against her mouth, felt her body completely on fire, the blonde's constantly rubbing thumb against her clit riding out the feeling as long as possible.

When she collapsed onto the mattress and pillows in front of her, she felt the blonde's slightly sweaty body following her, felt her breasts and her fast heartbeat hammering against her back.

She wasn't able to form words, all she could do was lie there and breathe, enjoying the soft and slightly tickling kisses and strokes of Brittany's fingertips against her neck.

"Damn, this was what I needed.." she managed to admit after a while and heard Brittany giggle against her hair. It was no annoying giggle.

The blonde carefully moved off her body so that Santana could turn around and look at her beautiful face, wrapping one arm around the woman next to her who just smiled at her, probably a little bit proud.

"So, how was your day?" Brittany wanted to know, lazily stroking Santana's belly who was surprised the blonde just started a normal conversation, apparently not expecting any action in return.

"Um.. I tried to handle my job situation.." the Latina started, entangling their fingers.

"Oh?" the blonde asked pleasantly surprised. "How'd it go?"

Santana felt herself blush, not really sure what to tell the woman next to her.

"Well.. I found something.. but ... it's a little awkward."

"Tell me" Brittany just replied with an entirely friendly and encouraging smile, placing a soft kiss on her lips.

"I.." Santana cleared her throat. "I'll work as..." She coughed. She should just tell her.

"I'll work as a... _bcurir_" she muttered quickly and Brittany looked confused.

"A what?"

"A... _bike courrier_... like... bycicle messenger... delivering stuff... on my bike..."

A moment of silence passed between them before Brittany suddenly burst out laughing.

Santana smacked her shoulder, pouting. "Not funny!" she exclaimed but it didn't take long for her to join the laughter until they were both laughing so hard that it was difficult to breathe.

Brittany tried to catch her breath and to remain serious, apparently not wanting to offend the Latina.

"Well, it's a decent job!" she then stated, brushing away a small happy tear out of the cornor of her eye.

"You can just do it until you find something better."

"Yeah, I will" Santana nodded and dragged the blonde closer to herself.

"So..." she started again. "How about..."

Her hand was slowly moving down Brittany's well-defined stomach, attempting to go even lower.

"..we reschedule the whole job talk and you let me repay you first?"

"I don't want to be repaid" the blonde quickly replied in a surprisingly serious tone before her features softened again.

"I mean.. Of course I want to, but we have time. We have all night and there's no rush."

Santana slowly nodded.

"Okay then.. I guess I'll quickly use the bathroom if it's okay?"

"Yes, sure" Brittany replied, motioning towards the bathroom door. "It's right over there, help yourself, tell me if you need anything!"

The Latina nodded and smiled, placing a kiss on the blonde's lips before quickly hopping out of bed and stepping into the fancy big bathroom.

Having peed and put on one of the blonde's bathrobes Santana suddenly heard a loud knocking sound. She wondered who on earth might be hammering on Brittany's door at that time of the night and carefully peeked outside, watching her get dressed and hesistantly move closer to the door.

"Who is it..?" the blonde asked carefully and the answer made Santana's heart skip a beat.

"Police, please open the door."

She could see Brittany nervously look around, apparently not sure what to do, before the front door opened.

"Ma'am.." one of the two officers started in a deep and strong voice. "Are you Brittany Susan Pierce? We would like to come inside."

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TBC

**A/N: I thought after 4 chapters it was finally time to develop Santana's own storyline and explain a bit more about her character from her POV. Hope you liked it =)**

**Thanks again to everyone who's reading and inspiring me with their comments!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Due to the bad cliffhanger you get the next chapter much faster than usual because I had already planned it out! I am not really happy with it cause it's rather a filler, but it had to happen so you get more background information. I hope you still like it!**

**Chapter 6**

"Are you Brittany Susan Pierce? We would like to come inside..."

_'That's it'_ Brittany thought. It's over. Now they were here for her, she'd end up in jail, Santana would find out and hate her and she'd never see her again.

The night had been amazing and here it was again, fate, punching her in the face, spitting on her. She hated her life.

She imagined how she'd look in orange. She _hated _orange. She'd end up behind bars with those other women. Hadn't Artie always told her he had all cops on his side? Oh my god, how she hated Artie right now, including all the wrong choices she had made in her life. If she had just learned something decent. She would trade it now, the wealthy life, everything. She'd just work as a bike courrier like Santana, she'd be less messed up. In another universe, she was sure about that, Santana and her could have worked. In any other fucking universe they'd be the perfect couple. But this was no alternate universe, this was reality. And reality sucked. Big time.

Brittany swallowed hard, looking over her shoulder one last time, glancing at the bathroom door, mentally saying good bye to her lover and apologizing for bringing her into this situation. This was going to be awkward for both of them, terribly awkward, and she felt more than sorry for the other woman.

"Yeah... I am... come inside."

The two officers stepped into her appartment and Santana slowly walked out of the bathroom.

"Everything okay in here?"

"I'm so sorry" Brittany just said, not looking at her. She couldn't look at her. She'd never be able to look into those big brown eyes again.

The taller officer cleared his throat.

"Mind if we sit down?"

The blonde just shook her head, motioning at the huge dining room table. She didn't know if she should ask Santana to leave, if she wanted to spare her the image of her new lover being lead outside in handcuffs. She figured it was only fair to let her go. Brittany wanted to open her mouth but no words came out, she felt paralyzed.

"What's going on?" Santana wanted to know, a seriously concerned look on her face, but Brittany just kept her head down, staring at her own hands.

"Who are you again?" the shorter policeman queried, eyeing the brunette who was still wearing the fluffy white bathrobe.

"It's okay, she's my friend. She has nothing to do with any of it, I swear" Brittany whispered and the officer nodded.

"So, Miss Pierce..." he cleared his throat again. "We have to inform you that Noah Puckerman has been arrested tonight."

Brittany's eyes widened in shock, not having expected _this _to come out of the man's mouth.

"What happened?" she asked, quickly fumbling for her phone. Six missed calls.

She had put the phone on mute earlier, not wanting to risk that anyone would disturb her and Santana as it had happened the last time. She wanted to kick herself.

"He got into a pretty big fight with a group of men. There were weapons involved and someone died, stabbed with a knife that belonged to Mister Puckerman. So far we are of course still investigating the case but even if it wasn't him who is responsible for the man's death, he clearly was involved in all of this. We also found drugs in his house so he will definitely be facing jail time."

Brittany was pale. She knew what was about to come next. She quickly glanced over to Santana who had sat down, looking shocked.

"As you can imagine, your daughter, Abbey Puckerman, will need a place to stay. If you decide that you're not willing to take her in we're gonna have to put her into foster care."

"Holy shit..." Santana stated in a numb voice and Brittany felt herself tearing up.

"We're aware that this is a lot to take in, ma'am" the other, slightly more friendly looking officer remarked. "Your daughter is fine though, nothing happened to her, she's just confused. She's still at the station where our colleagues take care of her."

Brittany realized how he was looking around in her appartment and examining the expensive furniture, most likely wondering why Abbey was even growing up in a house full of drugs if she could be living in a place like _this_.

"So, what are you going to do?" the other man asked, seeming impatient.

"I..." her voice was close to breaking and she tried to regain some self-control. "I'll take her of course."

She still didn't dare looking at the Latina who had turned completely quiet. Secret one was out now. If Santana didn't break this off _now_, she certainly would as soon as she knew the rest of the truth.

"Would you like us to drive you to the station or are you going to get there by yourself?"

"I'm good. I'll be there soon, I... I just need to... I'll be there soon" she stuttered and the men nodded, getting up from their chairs.

"Alright then. Good luck with everything."

Brittany silently lead the men back to the front door, leaning her forehead against it as soon as it was closed again.

She heard Santana get up from her chair and wished she could just disappear. She had no idea what to say so she just started sobbing, the only thing she was still able to do.

Tears were floating out of her, tears she didn't even know were there. Giving up Abbey had been the hardest decision she had ever made and it was just one of the many things in her life that she had chosen to push down before they would destroy her. One of the many strong emotions she chose to ignore.

She winced when she felt a hand on her shoulder, her heart pounding fast.

"I'm sorry..." Brittany brought out in between sobs, not knowing what else to say. It was all that she could feel. Sorry for lying to Santana. Sorry for putting her in this situation. Sorry for having disappointed everyone. For disappointing her family. For becoming pregnant at the worst time possible. For giving up her child. For letting her daughter live in a home that was obviously so bad for her. For making her grow up without her mother. For sleeping in expensive satin sheets that she had afforded by fucking strangers for money while her own flesh and blood was surrounded by drugs.

"You should have told me... you _could_ have..." Santana said slowly, her touch soft, not exactly resembling her rather cold voice.

''You can leave if you want... I'm so sorry... I didn't plan for you to find out like this..."

"Hey!" Santana interrupted her cries, making her turn around and face her. "I get it, okay? It's not something that rolls off the tongue, not something you'd like to tell someone on a first date..."

Brittany just stared at the Latina with flushed cheeks, feeling entirely embarassed.

"But you shouldn't keep such stuff from me, I'm no monster okay? I mean... I can't exactly say that I'm thrilled about this, I mean, usually I prefer the _not_ complicated dates... but I like you, I really do" Santana continued and the blonde realized the truth in her words, the sincerity.

"What do you say, I'll drive you to the police while you calm down and tell me everything on the way?"

Brittany tried to swallow but the lump in her throat was making it hard for her. She nodded and the other woman handed her a tissue so she could wipe her face clean, get rid of the destroyed makeup.

They both got dressed in quiet while the blonde's mind was working fast. What would she tell Santana? Was this really the time to come up with _everything_? If she told her her whole story in the car, the Latina might just pull over and storm out. On the other hand, she had just proven to her what an understanding person she was, more lies would make it all worse, right?

What would she tell Abbey? It wasn't like the little blonde girl didn't know her, Brit always came by and dropped off presents on her birthday or on Christmas. Noah would let her talk to her for a minute, but Abbey didn't see her as her mother, she was still a very young girl. For her Brittany was just one of her daddy's casual friends who was nice enough to buy her things. Would she understand what was going on?

Fuck, she wasn't ready for this, she wasn't good at being a mother. She was an escort who was out every night, who would look after her little girl when she was gone? She would have to hire a nanny, another person she'd have to lie to because she couldn't trust anyone. It was fucked up.

"So... you have a daughter..." Santana finally broke the silence when she pulled out of the driveway, not really looking at the miserable blonde in the passenger seat.

"Yeah..." Brittany replied in a hoarse voice, staring out of the window.

"Why isn't she living with you?"

There it was already. The question. Why? Why wasn't she living with her? What should she say? Truth or lie, two options.

"I..." she stuttered, her heart pounding hard in her chest. "I... I didn't think my lifestyle would be appropriate enough to raise a child..."

This was the truth, basically.

"What about your lifestyle is so bad? You seem to make a good amount of money, you are a friendly and polite woman, you have a great appartment with plenty of room, you - "

"I didn't want her to grow up with a lesbian mother!" Brittany suddenly interrupted her and Santana widened her eyes in complete surprise at that statement.

"Excuse me?"

"I realized I couldn't see myself living a heterosexual life anymore, I knew I wanted to be with a woman and I thought Abbey would have to deal with too much rejection in her childhood, I didn't want that for her, I thought she's better off with her dad..."

What was she saying there? Was that really the only thing she could come up with? Brittany felt her face turn red at this ridiculous lie and realized she was getting sweaty. This was insane. The blonde was one of the most open-minded people anyone could imagine, not giving a shit about what other people thought about genders. She loved who she loved and in a better life, in a life where she'd have a decent job and would be raising her daughter by herself, she'd teach her kid just that – that love doesn't know any labels.

"Wow..." Santana slowly replied, looking slightly offended. "I didn't expect _that..._"

'_Me neither'_ Brittany thought, mentally shaking her head at herself.

"Well, I also have to work late very often, I mean, I'm often not home before midnight, who would look after her?"

"I'm sure there would have been options, but... whatever..." Santana finished, turning quiet again.

The rest of the way they were driving in silence until they finally reached the police building.

"I guess I'm gonna leave now, take a cab or something. Do you think you can drive home by yourself?"

"Sure..." Brittany just answered, still feeling on the edge of crying. "You could also come inside though, if you want to..." She knew she sounded desperate.

"I don't think that's a good idea. Don't want your daughter or anyone else to think I might be your lesbian lover or some shit like that..."

Brittany guessed she deserved that treatment.

"San... it's... it's not like that."

"It's okay, I understand it" Santana simply replied, letting out a small sigh.

"Listen, I don't know. This is all confusing. But I don't wanna break it off with you, I... I just don't know, okay? Call me or something. Call me when you figured things out. I'm sure it will be a lot to process and a lot of decisions will have to be made... I'm not pressuring you, so call me if you feel like it. If you don't then, well... don't."

"Okay..." Brittany whispered, not sure if she should move.

Santana seemed to have a similar problem, her eyes switching nervously from left to right before she finally let out a deep breath and pulled Brittany in for a hug.

Tears were rolling down the blonde's cheek and she didn't want to let go. She pressed herself close to the brunette's body, inhaling her sweet smell one more time, figuring it might be the last time she'd ever get the chance to do so.

She couldn't help but notice how well their bodies fit together, how they complemented each other so perfectly in just such a simple embrace. Yes, in any other universe she would make her hers.

"Bye, Santana."

"Bye, Brittany."

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"Your daughter is asleep" the elderly secretary told her, looking slightly compassionate.

The blonde looked over to the huge brown sofa where she saw Abbey, wrapped into a blanket, snoring slightly. Her hair was tousled and she was sucking on her thumb. Brittany knew she was probably too old for that but it was just another point on the long list of things in her daughter's life that she had no influence on.

She looked so innocent, just like Brittany herself when she was her age - if she remembered her childhood photos correctly. It was hard to imagine that someone so pure, so innocent, could ever turn out as screwed up as herself.

"Can I talk to Noah first? Then she can still rest a little bit longer..."

"I'll let my colleague know" the woman nodded and disappeared into the other room.

While waiting for the officer, Brittany carefully sat down next to Abbie on the couch. She was almost scared to touch her, scared that whatever she'd do would corrupt the innocent girl.

She reached her hand out to brush some of the blone hair out of her face, making sure not to wake her.

"Don't be scared, okay?" she whispered. "It will be okay. I'll do everything in my powers to make it okay. I owe you that much..."

Abbey was moving slightly in her sleep, dragging the blanket closer to her chin. What might she be dreaming of? What had her daily life looked like with Puck? She had known Noah quite well and she had seen his good sides. She knew that he loved his daughter and he would do anything for her, even if he seemed rough with other people. She had trusted him, had learned to live with that trust, but now she wasn't sure anymore. Every cell in her body hoped that Abbey had not seen or heard anything that would affect her life in a bad way.

Lost in her thoughts, the blonde didn't realize right away that the secretary had returned, catching her breath when the woman touched her arm.

"You can see him now. Mister Puckerman is in the other room with a guard, you're free to speak to him for a few minutes, considering this concerns a little girl's life..."

"Thank you." Brittany replied sincerely, quickly getting up to move next door.

Puck was sitting at a table, his face andhands bruised, looking down at the wooden material in front of him. The guard was leaning against the wall with a deadly serious expression on his face, not bothering to say hello to the woman who had just entered the room.

The man raised his head when he heard Brittany's steps come closer, dismissively raising one eyebrow.

"Got what you want know?" he hissed at her, absent-mindedly touching his red and swollen lower lip.

"Yes, sure Noah" Brittany replied ironically. "I have exactly what I want, exactly what I have pictured my life to look like."

"Don't pretend you're not enjoying to see me like this."

"I don't."

She sat down in front of him, looking him straight in the eyes.

"I don't know what to do, Noah. I have no idea." Her voice was shaky.

Puck snorted and laughed sarcastically. "Here's something you might not know, Britts: I had no fucking idea what to do when you decided you didn't wanna raise your own child. I had no fucking idea how to be a father! I had no fucking idea you were even pregnant, otherwise I would have told you to get rid of it!"

He yelled the last part at her and it felt like a knife in her chest.

"You don't mean that. You love Abbey."

"Of course I love her, but I still would have told you that – cause guess what? I didn't love her when she was still the size of a peanut."

"I never could have done that."

"But you could give her away, is that any better?"

Brittany shook her head. "That's not the same as killing an unborn baby..."

"It's not even a baby yet when you do this!" he yelled angrily.

"Noah, why are we fighting about this now? It makes absolutely no sense and it's not our problem right now, she's _four_..."

Noah was leaning back in his chair, letting his hand run through his mohawk.

"This is all part of the problem, Brittany. All this became our problem when you decided to have this child. If I hadn't seen the paternity test myself I would never have believed she's even mine, considering how many people you fuck."

The tears were coming back, tears she had tried so hard to hold back.

"I didn't fuck anyone else when we were together, you know that. I hadn't even started this job yet. _You _broke up with _me, _Noah, remember? _You_ cheated on _me_!"

"We weren't even dating! _You _told me sex wasn't dating, remember?"

The guard was stepping closer.

"Keep the volume down, both of you" he said in a strict voice, glaring at the pair.

"Whatever..." Puck whispered, disgust displaying on his face. "Can't believe my daughter will be living with a wh -"

Brittany laid one hand in top of his before he could finish the sentence and looked at him with pleading eyes, motioning her head barely noticeable in the direction of the guard.

"You don't want her to lose both of us, do you?" she whispered, her vision blurry from the tears.

"I have an idea for you, Brittany..." he whispered back, his face coming closer so she could feel his breath on her. "Get rid of this _job_. I told you that a fucking long time ago. If you ever want to consider yourself a decent mother, then _stop._"

The blonde just slowly shook her head. Puck was a badass but he was also naive. He had no idea what it was like in her position.

"Remember when we were at your place and I was trying to talk to you about my future? We were in your bed and I felt connected to you, you meant a lot to me. I told you I didn't know what to do with my life and how I felt useless and weak and that there was nothing I was truly good at. Do you remember what you said to me?"

Puck raised his eyebrow as if he had no idea what this sentimental bullshit was about.

"I don't know what you want from me, no idea what I said years ago."

"Well, I'll remind you" she answered, brushing away that tear out of the cornor of her eye before it had a chance to roll down her cheek.

"You told me, and I quote: 'Baby, at least you're good at sucking dicks, that must count for something'"

The expression on her face was full of bitterness, though she couldn't believe they were actually fighting over all of these things when this should actually be about their daughter's future.

Puck grabbed her hand roughly and pulled her closer in one fast, hurtful movement. "What are you implying, that this is _my _fault? That_ I _made you do it? Watch your words, bitch, I'm serious, I - "

"Hey, hey, hey, easy!" the guard interrupter him. "That's enough! Time's up, you leave!"

Brittany got up from her chair, carelessly pushing it aside.

"Have a great time in jail, Puck" she said in a cold voice.

"Don't screw up my kid!" he yelled back at her before the guard could make him shut up again.

The second she stepped out of the room, she felt her legs go weak at the sight of Abby standing next to the secretary, awake and looking at her expectantly.

"I want home..." she whined, hiding parts of her face behind her small cuddle pillow that she pressed closely to her body.

"Yes... sure, sweetie." Brittany replied, getting down on her knees so their faces were on the same level, stroking her cheek with her thumb.

"I will take you home."

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TBC

**I know, sorry, no smut in here, haha. I found the whole thing a little boring, but well, at least now you know what's going on! And of course I'd still like to hear what you think :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: It was really very nice for me to see that you are all so encouraging when it comes to the whole plotline of this story! Happy to see that you didn't find it boring and that you not only see the story as some simple smut piece! :)**

**This chapter got so freaking long (at least compared to the previous ones), no idea how that even happened... Hope you enjoy it though!**

**And once again I have to praise my awesome beta reader who has so much work with all of my mistakes - really happy to have found you =)**

**Chapter 7**

Brittany took the whole week off. She had told Artie she was very sick and there was no way that she could see any clients in her condition - she knew he'd have no other choice but to let her stay at home. Artie had been right about one thing - she _was_ his diamond and no one else had so many faithful clients who kept coming back on such a regular basis, he'd be insane to ever fire her. Brittany knew he'd probably make her work extra shifts when she was back, she'd probably have to visit him at his place to make up for everything, but even that she'd survive somehow.

The blonde knew she needed every minute of her free time to make life as pleasant as possible for Abbey - and she was aware that this would be quite a challenge.

Despite the fact that Brittany knew next to nothing about raising kids, Abbey was also in an entirely messed up situation. She missed her father, was stuck with a person she only knew from the occasional holiday visits, and was supposed to sleep in a strange home. Adding to the fact that she had witnessed god knows what in the night Puck got arrested. Messed up, yes, that's what it was.

Brittany's main problem was that Abbey refused to talk to her. She was entirely closing up, only spoke actual words when she was crying. It started on their way from the police to Brittany's apartment when Abbey did nothing but stare out of the car window with teary eyes.

The blonde built her a booster seat out of some pillows so the tiny girl would sit higher in the passenger's seat. She had bought her a small bottle of Fanta, hoping the lemonade would make her feel a little better, but Abbey did nothing but stare and brush away the huge tears that wouldn't stop falling.

"Hey Abbey..." Brittany had started, "I know you're feeling very sad right now, but I will take care of you, okay? You don't have to be afraid. Daddy is..." Where was Daddy? What would she tell her daughter where her father was now? She had no idea.

"...Daddy can't come home for a little while because he did something he wasn't allowed to do... but when he comes back, then no one will be mad at him anymore because he will have learned from his mistake..."

Brittany shook her head at herself - was that understandable for a 4 year-old? She didn't know and Abbey wasn't exactly helpful with her lack of reaction.

"So while your daddy is gone, you will stay with me okay? You and I will have an awesome time together, it will be like vacation for you! Isn't that nice? A little vacation where we will do lots of fun stuff, and before you even know it everything will be back to normal!" She tried to smile happily at the little kid but she didn't feel happy at all. Nothing would be back to normal, not within the next few years. She couldn't believe it, only a few minutes with her daughter and she was already lying again.

Abbey looked over to her with flushed cheeks and a tortured expression on her face, tugging her cuddle pillow even closer.

"Wanna go home with daddy" she whined, suddenly sobbing hard and loudly, tear drops falling uncontrollably on her pillow and leaving wet trails everywhere.

"Hey baby, don't cry..." Brittany tried to comfort her daughter, reaching out to stroke her leg but the girl just shrieked and pushed her hand away.

She wouldn't have been able to explain her feelings in this moment, she just figured she deserved all this. She deserved exactly this - her daughter, who she had given away, crying and showing her what a bad person she was, that she'd never be her real mother, that Puck was the only one she cared about. She realized there were in fact two things in the world she was truly good at - one was sex, the other was making the worst decisions possible in her life. She was an expert in that.

Only when they had reached the blonde's apartment did Abbey slowly stop crying. The occasional sobs were still shaking her tiny body but her eyes had widened at the sight of the huge and fancy apartment she'd be sleeping in. Her tired and slightly confused brain seemed overwhelmed with the new surroundings and was probably too busy to let her cry anymore. She had never seen anything like this before, the furniture, the huge rooms, the lighting - it was all fascinating.

Brittany realized she had nothing to wear for the kid, no pajamas, nothing for the next morning. She decided the first thing they'd do the next was pick up stuff from Puck's place and go shopping, but that didn't exactly help her right now.

"Hey Abbey, what do you usually sleep in?" Brittany asked in a friendly voice, sitting the girl down on the sofa.

The small blonde didn't say anything, just stared down on her lap, sniffling.

"Do you usually wear jimjams?" the woman tried and was relieved when the girl nodded and at least seemed to be listening.

"Okay, so what do you say - we make you some awesome new jimjams now! Sadly I haven't any clothes for children but we will totally make you some ourselves, that's even cooler! I will show you my closet and you can pick whatever you like and we will cut it to fit you. You will look amazing!"

Brittany held out her hand in front of Abbey who seemed to consider carefully the strange woman's offer. When she finally took her hand, Brittany let out a relieved sigh, taking the girl into her bedroom.

She opened the extremely huge closet (her private closet, not containing any of those dresses she'd wear at work) and saw Abbey's eyes grow bigger at the insane amount of clothing.

The girl came closer and carefully touched a few of the colorful shirts and dresses, feeling the fabric with her tiny fingers, occasionally looking over her shoulder to see if it was really okay that she was touching all of these things. Brittany just gave her an encouraging smile and nod before the small blonde shyly pointed at a pink satin blouse.

"Oh you want this one?" Brittany queried, taking the fabric from its hanger. "Great choice, you will look fantastic in that!"

Abbey's thumb was back in her mouth, the sucking probably comforting her.

"Now look how I will make the coolest jimjams for you" the blonde woman said happily, taking a huge pair of scissors and cutting the blouse short, sliding the scissors right through the expensive material.

Abbey's mouth fell open in shock, the thumb forgotten for a second.

Brittany raised her daughter's arms, taking off her green dress and pulling the pink new nightgown over her head. She cut off its sleeves so they had just the right size for the little girl, even though the whole thing still hung loosely around her thin and short body.

Abbey seemed to like her outfit, twirled around in it and examined herself in the mirror.

"Do you like it?" Brittany asked hopefully and the girl nodded almost eagerly.

She pushed the blanket on the huge bed aside, patting the mattress and suggesting she lie down when she saw the fear and sadness slowly crawl back into her daughter's eyes. It was crystal clear that she didn't want to sleep in a strange bed, her new outfit not really helping her.

It took her almost two hours of homeshopping TV on the big flat screen in front of the bed before the little girl finally gave in to her exhaustion and slept, embracing her cuddle pillow.

Brittany was exhausted herself, physically and emotionally. It was the first night she'd ever slept next to her daughter. The first night in four years.

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The next morning after barely enough sleep, Brittany woke up to the sound of the crying girl next to her who sat up in her bed, sobbing and looking down on her lap.

"Hey, sweetie, what's up, why are you crying?" she asked, immediately wide awake.

The girl didn't answer, didn't look at her, just dragged her own legs closer and hugged them in front of her chest.

"Honey, are you hungry? Do you want me to fix you some breakfast?"

Abbey just shook her head and Brittany tried to drag the slightly shivering girl in for a hug. When she came closer she realized the wetness on the mattress, quickly understanding that her daughter had peed into bed in her sleep, explaining her uncomfortable embarrassment.

"Aw, baby, hey" she said softly. "It was just an accident, don't be sad, I will clean that up, it's really no problem."

She hugged the girl who looked so much like herself and carried her into the bathroom, letting some warm water into the huge bathtub. Abbey continued sniffling and sobbing, burying her face in the taller blonde's neck.

"You can take a nice bubble bath with Mister Duckie now, then when you're fresh and clean we will have some food and pick up your stuff and buy you something nice, okay?"

Putting the girl who was still not reacting to her words on the toilet seat, she opened the small bathroom closet and fumbled for the rubber duck that she kept in there, one of the few remaining items that reminded her of better, happier days.

She squeezed the small toy which let out a squeaking sound and Abbey turned quiet, staring at her with her huge blue eyes.

"Mister Duckie can't wait to take that bath with you, he just told me he doesn't like sad little girls, he'd love to cheer you up and see your beautiful smile."

Abbey took the duck wordlessly and squeezed it carefully in her hands, trying to control her sobbing.

"What do you like, strawberry or peach? Oh, or green apple, that's awsome, too!" the blonde queried in a chipper voice, pointing at the different bottles next to the tub.

Her daughter didn't say anything, just stroked the duck's head with her thumb.

"Okay, I guess we'll take apple. Mister Duckie says green looks good with his yellow feathers."

The blonde wished she were better with kids, she wished she knew how to make her smile, wished she knew more about her own baby.

Making sure that there wouldn't be too much water in the tub for the small girl and carefully checking the temperature, Brittany faced Abbey again and helped her get out of their homemade nightgown. She carefully helped her into the warm water and put Mister Duckie next to her, giving him a small push so he'd swim slowly over the surface.

"I'm gonna see if I have some yummy breakfast in the kitchen and come back in a few minutes to help you wash your hair okay?" She tried her best to sound cheerful and comforting and Abbey finally nodded.

She felt that insanely big knot in her throat when looking at the sad and thin girl sitting in her tub and looking so entirely lost. She tried to smile at her once more before leaving the room, leaving the door slightly open so she'd hear her in case Abbey called for her.

Brittany realized she had no idea what her own daughter liked for breakfast, she didn't know what her favorite food was, didn't know how much a girl her age even needed to eat. She knew nothing and she just wished she weren't alone, she wished someone would please come by and tell her what to do.

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Brittany's goal for the rest of the day was to see Abbey smile. She hadn't wanted the cornflakes for breakfast, she had cried when they stopped by at Puck's house to pick up her things, she had clung to the bedpost, whimpering that she didn't want to leave.

Looking at the small box of Abbey's toys, the blonde woman realized that none of the gifts she had given her daughter were in her room. Puck must have taken them all away. All she owned were old and quite used-looking toys and a bunch of jeans and dresses, some of them probably already too short for her. What had Puck been doing with all the money she had sent him every month? She figured she didn't want to know the answer.

They stopped to buy Abbey a real car seat and some Winnie the Pooh sunshades for the car window that she picked herself. Brittany wanted to do everything right, wanted to do her very best and not miss any important details.

In the city they walked into every single toy store, bought her new clothes that Brittany hoped would fit since she didn't wanna force her daughter to try them all on. They bought some furniture for her new room, stuff that would be delivered to Brittany's apartment by tomorrow, and stopped at the videostore to purchase every single animated movie they offered.

At the candy store, Abbey finally admitted she was a little hungry, so they left the building with two huge bags full of candy and a big share of pink cotton candy that the smaller blonde carefully stuffed into her mouth.

"Do you like your new things?" Brittany asked in a friendly voice, petting her daughter's blonde hair. Abbey shrugged.

"We can watch one of these movies tonight if you want. We can even watch two or three if you're not too tired. Winnie can watch with us!" she exclaimed, letting the huge stuffed bear peek out of their Disney Store bag. "He's already excited to see the new Piglet movie!"

"_Oh, yaay, I miss Piglet and Rabbit and Christopher Robin!"_ she imitated the bear's voice, hoping to finally hear the small girl laugh.

Abbey just nodded and Brittany took her small hand into her own, walking her back to her car. She knew it would be a long road ahead of her, a long way until her daughter accepted her, and the fact that she needed to hire a nanny to look after her, another stranger she'd have to confront her with, was killing her inside.

"Hey, honey, we can also visit your Daddy at some point if you want..." she offered half-heartedly, looking at Abbey who - for the first time that day - replied with a nod and a smile.

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A few days had passed since Brittany had taken her daughter in and she still hadn't been brave enough to call Santana. She didn't know if she would ever call her again, she felt entirely torn. She knew it was better for her not to get her involved, she knew Santana probably hated her anyway, she just needed someone to talk to, to have something to look forward to, to have someone around to take her mind off the fact that she was a terrible mother who couldn't do anything right. She wanted support - but who was she kidding? She hadn't had anyone to suppport her in years, she had been all by herself and that's the way it was supposed to be. If only she didn't feel as if she needed it so badly.

She needed something _normal_ in her life, something that had nothing to do with the situation she was in, but Brittany felt frightened and even guilty for even considering making Santana part of her life.

Yet despite everything that was going on, Santana was in her mind all day and night, a mix of this warm feeling the Latina triggered in her body and the extreme embarrassment she felt when remembering the last time they had seen each other.

Brittany tried to shrug off her thoughts, remembering what was on her schedule for today - the nanny interviews.

She had put the want ad in the newspaper and on some online portals, looking for a woman who had experience with little kids, who was loving, caring, funny and willing to work through the nights, sleeping in a what would be her own well-furnished bedroom in the apartment.

Many people had called - probably because the blonde was willing to pay extremely well - but only two of them seemed decent enough to be considered.

Brittany had to admit that she had secretly hoped the Latina would see her ad and call her, ask her how she was doing, maybe even offer her help, but she knew the thought was silly and insane, she had been the one who was supposed to call Santana and she figured she knew the brunette well enough to know that she wouldn't make the first step after their agreement.

Abbey was dressed up in a cute yellow dress with a red bow in her hair and some pretty patent leather shoes. She was sitting on the couch, waiting patiently, the cuddle pillow on her lap and Winnie the Pooh held protectively in her right arm.

There was a small moment in which Brittany felt proud, proud to have such a beautiful, well-behaved daughter, proud that she had gotten through these first few days without her getting sick or crying too often. In fact, they did have a couple of nice moments, watching TV in bed, eating chocolate, messing around with tomato sauce while cooking lunch – and yes, a few times Abbey had laughed and smiled, even though she still wasn't talking to her.

The doorbell rang and both blondes jumped in their seats at the sound.

"Oh how exciting, isn't it? I'll let her inside, you can just wait here, baby."

Abbey nodded and Brittany jumped over to the front door, staring at the tall woman who looked slightly different than in the picture she had sent in her application. She was dressed in some weird skater outfit, a green fuzzy cotton hat sitting so low on her head that it almost covered her small eyes.

"Hi. Zizes. Lauren Zizes." the woman introduced herself, not bothering to accept the handshake that Brittany offered her and just pushed her aside, letting herself in. "So where's the little cupcake?"

Brittany raised her eyebrows and cleared her throat, closing the door behind her, frowning.

"Right over there, in the living room..." she explained, following the rather brusk woman.

"Hey there, shorty!" she heard Lauren yell through the room, patting Abbey's shoulder in a friendly manner, "how's it going?"

The girl's eyes widened in shock, looking at her mother as if she needed to be saved.

"She not talking?" Lauren whispered to Brittany, trying to cover her mouth with her hand so Abbey wouldn't hear her.

"She needs time to get used to people..." Brittany explained, already wondering if she should kick Miss Zizes out again.

"Oh, you'll get used to me super quickly, puddin', no need to be shy!"

Brittany could see Abbey drag Winnie closer to herself, distracting herself by adjusting the bear's red shirt on his belly.

"So... Miss Zizes..."

"Lauren!" the woman corrected her and Brittany cleared her throat.

"_Lauren_... why do you wanna have this job?"

"Oh, I love children, cute little thingies. I'm awesome with kids, you can ask anyone."

"I'm sure of that..." the blonde replied slowly, looking around in the room. "Have you worked with children before?"

"Nahh, but I have a little sister. She can be a pain in the ass sometimes, but I used to take care of her when my mom was on crack."

Brittany stared at her like a deer in the headlights.

"I'm _kidding_, blondie!" she exclaimed and burst out into a wave of loud laughter. "I worked at McDonald's and organized the kiddie birthday parties there, believe me, the little monsters loved me!"

The blonde woman moved around uncomfortably in her seat and looked at Abbey, feeling the need to save her from this situation as quickly as possible.

"Abbey?" she called her in a soft voice. "Tell me... do you like... _McDonald's_?" she asked, hoping her very young daughter would either magically get the hint or really just not like the fast food chain.

Abbey looked back at her with her huge blue eyes, shaking her head wildly. Brittany had to grin.

"Okay, um, I'm very sorry Lauren, but I think you might not be right for this position. We appreciate you coming by..."

"What the...?"

Brittany just got up and pushed the tall women out of the room, sighing in relief when the door was closed again.

"Now that was something, eh?" she said, looking over to the smaller blonde who had gotten up from the sofa and walked over to her. Brittany felt her heart stop when the small figure hugged her leg shyly.

"We will find a better nanny to look after you when I'm gone, sweetie, I promise" she whispered softly, touching her hair affectionately.

Almost half an hour later the doorbell rang a second time and Brittany sent short prayers to god that this woman might be a much better fit – and less scary than the previous one.

When she opened the door a friendly face greeted her. A very thin redhead in a conservative orange skirt and blouse was standing in front of her, so skinny that Brittany immediately felt the need to feed her.

"Hello Miss Pierce, my name is Emma Pillsbury, so pleased to meet you" she said smiling, reaching out a hand on which she wore a glove. A glove? Now that was weird.

"I'm so looking forward to meeting your daughter, I'm sure she's just as gorgeous as you!"

Brittany smiled at the woman's compliment and lead her inside, frowning a little at the sight of Miss Pillsbury scrubbing the chair before sitting down.

"Hello sweetie, my name is Emma" she greeted Abbey with a friendly smile. "What's your name?"

"Her name's Abbey" Brittany jumped in for her daughter, sitting down next to her and laying her hand on the girl's leg.

"She's four and a little shy" she added.

"Oh, that's fine" Emma laughed, removing her gloves and cleaning her hands with some germicide she had fumbled out of her huge bag. Brittany wondered what else she might be storing in the huge thing, waiting for her to get out a big floor lamp like Mary Poppins.

"You like it clean, don't you?" the blonde queried with a slightly amused look and was relieved when the redhead didn't seem offended.

"Oh, yeah, I just don't like germs" she admitted truthfully. "Not that I think your house is full of germs" she added hastily "it's just a habit. You know, if you hire me as a nanny you also hire a cleaning lady, it's a double package!"

Brittany couldn't argue that she approved of that information, she barely had enough time to clean the apartment by herself, especially now with having to take care of a kid.

"Okay then Emma, what would you like to know about us?"

"Oh, there are so many things" the other woman replied in a chipper voice, clapping her hands.

"I really love to cook, so what is Abbey's favorite food?"

Brittany turned quiet. She still had no idea what her daughter's favorite food was, so far they had only eaten candy and pasta.

"She loves pasta?" she stated, though it sounded more like a question.

"Oh okay, pasta is fine" Emma replied. "What about allergies? Is she allergic to anything that I should avoid cooking?"

The blonde figured these questions were reasonable but she had no answers to them. She just stared at her.

The potential new nanny seemed to sense the blonde's discomfort and decided to drop the question, giving her a sympathetic look.

"Um.. so where would I be living?" she decided to change the subject and Brittany got up to show her her room. They made a small tour through the house, Abby following them. The small blonde still preferred hiding behind her mother's leg but she seemed to feel less uncomfortable than around Lauren.

Brittany explained to her that she'd start working around seven on a daily basis and leave the house again around eight in the morning, but that they'd of course arrange days that she could have off. Emma assured her that this was no problem since she was living a single life and that there was no husband or kid waiting for her at home.

When all first questions were out of the way, Brittany turned to Emma again.

"If you don't mind I would like to talk to Abbey alone for a minute, she's the one who has to make the final decision."

"Yes, of course" the woman replied smiling, sitting back on her cleaned chair. "I'll wait."

Brittany led Abbey into the kitchen and sat her down on the counter so their faces were on the same level.

"So, sweetie, what do you say? Do you like Miss Pillsbury?"

Abbey shrugged.

The blonde really wanted her daughter to like Emma because she had a positive feeling about the other woman, when suddenly she realized who the redhead reminded her of.

"Hey Abbey, do you know what I realized?" she asked smiling and Abbey shook her head.

Brittany lowered her voice and whispered into her daughter's ear.

"I realized that Emma looks a little bit like one of those monkeys from Madagascar! Have you seen her huge eyes?"

The small girl grinned and started giggling, remembering the movie she had watched with her mother the night before. They had been eating popcorn and laughed at the jokes and Brittany had danced for her to _"I like to move it move it_".

"So do you think we should give her a chance?" she queried hopefully and felt more than relieved when Abbey finally nodded.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The first day when she had to leave for work, Brittany felt entirely miserable. She knew Emma would take good care of Abbey, she trusted her, but she couldn't get rid of the feeling that Abbey was disappointed in her. While leaving her kid with a nanny she would let a strange man take advantage of her body. What a terrible role model she was.

At the end of the night, Karofsky was waiting for her in his car - already growing impatient because she'd been gone longer than usual - when the blonde finally approached the black vehicle, looking completely emotionally mixed up.

"Just drive okay?" she ordered when sitting down next to the man in the car who immediately sensed something was wrong. He took a closer look at Brittany and realized the red bruises on her neck and the dried tears on her face.

"What the fuck, Brittany, what happened? Tell me right now, what happened, where's that son-of-a-bitch and what did he do?"

"Nothing, Dave, it's okay..."

"Shut up and look at me, Brit!" he ordered, the anger in his voice allowing no protest. "What the fuck happened to your neck?"

She looked away from him, sighing and trying to control her emotions.

"He was into some kinky role playing..." she started explaining with a broken voice. "I mean, it's okay, I have to play such fucked up games all the time, but it got a little too much..."

"What do you mean too much? Seriously, are you insane? Why did you not _call me_? You're supposed to keep the phone right next to you, you just have to press one goddamn button! Is he still inside?"

"Dave..." she tried to calm him down. "Relax, please... he wanted me to pretend I had just returned from some self-defense class, told me he'd want to see if I had learned something..."

"I'm getting sick..." Dave groaned, biting his fist in order to keep his self-control.

"He was just rough and yelled that I should show him what they taught me, and I mean, this stuff isn't fun, but it's okay, I do it... but when he started choking me I got worried..." She swallowed, touching her neck.

"I know kinky, I know people do this shit to get off, but it wasn't the deal, he should have told me before we started, kinky costs extra, he can't just do it, I got scared..."

"I'm gonna kill him..." Dave muttered but Brittany laid her hand on his.

"I managed to push him away... he didn't even finish but I didn't care..." she continued. "I don't think he really wanted to hurt me, he had no weapons, he didn't attack me when I pushed him off, I think he was even a little embarrassed... gave me an extra big tip..."

"He should be _ashamed_..."Dave corrected her between clenched teeth and Brittany gave him a small smile.

She knew such risks were part of her job, she knew it shouldn't be worth being upset about it. The problem was that the line between 'acceptable' and 'life-threatening' was close and often blurry and it was hard to tell the difference. In any other night in the past she might just have gone through with it, might have accepted the pain and the discomfort and the fear that maybe she had finally gotten a client who was willing to hurt her or worse... but this night it was different. This night she had a child waiting for her at home who was relying on her, who'd be all alone if she died... she couldn't risk it.

"Let's just drive back, okay?" she asked slowly and Dave nodded.

"Why are you doing this, Brit? What are you punishing yourself for?" the tall driver wanted to know in a serious voice, facing the road in front of them.

Brittany said nothing. He wouldn't understand. No one would.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The blonde couldn't go home yet. She had called Emma and asked if everything was okay and the woman had assured her that Abbey was asleep, had eaten dinner and brushed her teeth and she shouldn't worry. She knew Emma would still be there for several hours and she just felt like she needed distraction. She couldn't just lie down next to her daughter after everything that had happened, she needed to get her mind off things.

Before she could even think about it she had dialed Santana's number – the need to hear her voice, to seek comfort in her presence becoming unbearable.

When Santana answered, a huge wave of relief flowed through Brittany's body, relief that the Latina still picked up when she saw her number, relief that there was the slight chance of making it work with her.

"Are you okay?" the brunette wanted to know, apparently sensing the blonde's distressed tone when she had greeted her.

"Not so much..." Brittany admitted in a voice that was so shaky and high-pitched that she didn't even recognize it herself. She wouldn't start crying now.

"What's wrong? Is it Abbey?" the Latina asked concerned and the blonde was happy that the other woman had remembered her daughter's name.

"No... she's fine... she has a nanny now..." she explained, though she wasn't sure why she had added the last bit of information.

"Yeah, I saw the ad..." Santana admitted slowly and somehow Brittany wasn't surprised. Some moments of silence passed between them.

"Did you consider applying?" Brittany managed to ask after a while, somehow needing to hear the answer to the question she'd been asking herself all these days.

The Latina laughed, trying to make the woman's idea sound absurd. "Uh, _no_? I told you to call me when you have figured things out..."

"I know..." Brittany replied slowly.

"And...? Have you?"

Brittany hadn't figured out much, but she had a nanny and she wanted to be with Santana, didn't that count for something?

"I might be getting there... slowly..." she tried to sum up the situation.

"Well, that's good" Santana concluded and waited for the blonde to go on.

"Have you... um... thought of me? These past days?" Brittany's voice was shy and insecure, scared of the other woman's answer.

The silence was back, the blonde hated silence.

"Yes."

It was one word, one simple word, three letters, but there seemed to be so much meaning in them. It was all that she needed to hear.

"Can you tell me where you are?" Brittany pleaded and the brunette told her the address of her hotel.

It didn't take long for her to get to the place, she had driven a little bit faster than she should have. She couldn't wait to see her again, to take in her smell, to touch her hair...

When Santana's door finally swung open, Brittany couldn't help but drag her in for a hug, she needed the physical contact, the feeling of safety. She felt like she could finally be herself, even though the feeling was completely absurd, considering the other woman still didn't know her biggest secret.

They sat down on the bed and the blonde couldn't let go of Santana's hand, needing the closeness.

"Oh my god, Brittany, what happened to your neck?" the woman asked in shock at the sight of the blonde's bruises. Brittany quickly wrapped her hands around the red marks in a protective gesture.

"Nothing happened."

"It doesn't look like nothing, Brit, please talk to me..."

"Santana, I want to ask you something" the blonde just brushed her off and it was clear she was not going to give her any explanation.

Santana seemed to be fighting an inner struggle, not really wanting to let this go but also not knowing how to get the blonde to open up to her. She looked at her, tensed, until she finally sighed.

"Sure... what is it?"

Brittany looked into her eyes, something like hurt, like vulnerabilty reflecting in her gaze.

"I know that... I know it's complicated with me..." she started stuttering, "I really know that. And there are things about me, certain things about my personality, my past... things I can't talk about, not yet..."

Santana's gaze showed confusion and helplessness but she listened closely.

"I can't expect you to understand, but it's hard for me to open up to people. And I know that I wanna open up to you eventually, I just can't yet..."

Santana nodded slowly, not sure that she understood what the blonde was trying to tell her.

"But _you_... all I know is that I feel truly good when I'm around you... it's like you're truly _good_ for me... Oh my god, I don't wanna sound like a weirdo..." she mumbled, breaking eye-contact.

"No, just say it" the Latina whispered, something like sincere hope in her voice.

Brittany cleared her throat.

"Would you... would you be willing to keep seeing me? Despite everything you know about me so far?"

She felt like she was laying her emotions completely out in the open, unused to needing someone else.

"Seeing you? Uh... I'm not sure I know what exactly you mean..." Santana deliberated out loud, brown eyes searching blue ones.

Brittany didn't know it herself. She couldn't explain it, she just knew she didn't want to not see Santana, she needed her in her life to have _something_ to look forward to. She replied with the only thing she did know, the only thing she felt she could offer anyone.

"I don't know, just keep seeing me... at night... just... physically. Not complicated, I promise, just us – easy, no strings attached..."

"Oh" Santana replied, not able to hide her disappointment. "Sure, yes, of course I want to."

The blonde woman smiled warmly. "Emma stays until morning, we could still see each other every night after work. I mean, not _every_ night after work of course..." she corrected herself nervously.

"Yeah, that's fine with me, I have late shifts at the restaurant as well so I guess I won't be home much earlier than you."

"Great" Brittany breathed out relieved, making no attempt to hide her smile.

"Great" Santana repeated, though her laugh seemed a little insecure.

They looked into each other's eyes and Brittany couldn't hold back any longer, she simply felt thankful, encouraged, finally able to let go of the night's unpleasant experiences. She let her hand rest on the Latina's thigh and kissed her, much slower, much softer than the times before.

Their lips were softly brushing against each other with no hurry, the blonde's tongue only slowly seeking entrance.

The room was completely quiet except for the occasional sounds of police sirens and honking cars on the streets of New York City. The window was opened and a cold night breeze was brushing over the blonde's arms, making her shiver.

Santana dragged Britt closer, offering her a warm embrace and trailing her soft kisses down the other woman's chin until she reached the bruises on her neck.

She didn't even hesitate before slowly caressing the abused skin, softly letting her tongue run around the red marks as if trying to make them disappear. Brittany felt grateful that Santana hadn't asked any further questions but was yet willing to acknowledge that whatever had happened hurt her, that she needed exactly that kind comfort.

Santana took her time, carefully laying the blonde down on the mattress and moving on top of her, still licking the area underneath the blonde's chin, down to her cleavage, while softly massaging her breasts through the material of her shirt.

The blonde was finally able to relax, something that was so rare, something she didn't even know how to do. Sex was always like work for her, always an act that had only one goal – getting her client to come – and quickly, if possible. It's what she had tried with Santana that first time, showing her what she could do to make their time together more amazing than anything she had ever experienced – but this? This felt simply wonderful, the feeling of being cared for.

Brittany couldn't help but let out a whimper when Santana caressed her nipple and she felt her need and arousal grow stronger.

"I want you to just lie back and enjoy, okay? I wanna make you feel good..." the Latina whispered into her ear and the blonde's eyes fluttered shut at the sound of her beautiful and seductive voice. It seemed as if she knew exactly what was going on inside her head, as if she knew just the right places to touch her, just the right words to say – they just functioned together.

At first it was weird when Santana started caressing her clit with her mouth. She felt the muscles in her belly tense, felt her usual impulse to shut down her desires, the typical protective mechanism that kicked in whenever a client touched her so intimately - but she made herself ignore it, made herself realize that this was the woman she truly desired, not a person she despised.

"Relax, baby..." Santana ordered softly, sensing the blonde's slight discomfort. "Just feel me."

And Brittany _did_ feel, more than she ever thought was possible. She felt the heat in her body, felt the soft wet strokes of the woman's tongue, felt her soft hands on her body, felt her warm breath between her legs, the vibration of her moans around her most sensitive spot. She _felt_ - and she didn't want it to end.

"Please don't stop" she whimpered after a while, the pleasure becoming almost unbearable, the sudden need for release, something she just wasn't used to. "Don't stop."

Santana didn't plan on stopping, she didn't even plan on teasing, she just softly licked her to the point of no return.

Brittany realized she needed no further stimulation, she needed no fingers pumping inside of her, no simple fucking - all she needed was intimacy, and Santana was giving her just that.

When she came she pressed her hands on her eyes, not able to hold back a loud groan. Her orgasm shook through her with full force, reminding her what it could be like to be with someone she cared about, wishing this feeling would never stop.

There was no embarrassment, nothing she felt that she needed to hold back.

She didn't even notice the tears streaming down her cheeks, she didn't know where they had come from, she wasn't able to explain it. She was just grateful for this special person who slowly crawled up her body, who comforted her with her warm weight on top of her and just kissed them away.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

TBC

**A/N: The next chapter will focus more on Santana again! Oh and review please :D**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

The bathroom was so steamy, they were barely able to see. The hot water was running down their bodies and Santana had Brittany pressed against the wall, sucking her neck.

The blonde giggled, wrapping her arms around the slightly smaller brunette, playing with her wet hair. Santana was sure she had never found any woman's giggle so adorable, it almost scared her.

The two women had seen each other every night for the past week, sometimes at the hotel, sometimes at Brittany's place. They usually met past midnight and said goodbye again around 6:30 in the morning since Santana's courrier job started at 7. It was obvious that they both lacked sleep, considering they spent hours every night pleasing each other. Three hours of sleep was far from being enough but neither of them seemed to care, the excitement to have the other person around was still too fresh, too thrilling.

Sexually they seemed to be exactly on the same page, both of them finding the right mix between soft and rough, always depending on their mood. Santana was impressed how many new ideas the blonde brought into her sex life, how many things she showed her that the Latina didn't even know existed - it was delightful and sexy as hell.

Santana loved Brittany's shower, it was just so much bigger, so much more luxurious than hers at the hotel - staying at her place was definitely always a highlight.

The blonde reached over the other woman's shoulder to grab the bottle of shampoo, put some of it on her palm and ordered her to turn around. When Santana did, Brittany softly started washing her long dark hair, massaging her head and her temples in the process, filling the air with the shampoo's fruity smell.

"So, tomorrow evening I'm gonna have Ladie's Night with Quinn" Santana announced, sighing a little bit at the nice feeling of her lover's hands curled up in her hair, the soft scratch of her fingernails on her scalp and neck.

"Mmmh..." Brittany murmured, trailing soft kisses along the woman's shoulderblades. "Quinn again, I see... should I be jealous?"

The Latina had to smile at the blonde's question, shaking her head. "No, she's just a friend."

"But you often talk about her... something ever happened between you two?"

Was that honest jealousy in Brittany's words?

"We used to be best friends... well, I think we still are, but we used to be much closer. I was into her during high school, yeah, but Quinn's very straight and very married" she explained laughing, turning around to place a kiss on the blonde's lips. "Right now..." she continued, running a hand over her lover's foam-covered breasts, "...right now, you're definitely the only girl I wanna fuck."

Brittany smiled, pleased with the Latina's answer, moving her head lower to kiss her passionately, their tongues moving against each other in a well-practiced manner. Kissing the blonde had become totally familiar, as if they'd been doing it for years.

"Actually I was wondering if you'd like to come, too..." Santana admitted after breaking the kiss, looking almost hopeful. "Sam is having his monthly boys night with his best friend Matt, they play videogames and smoke weed or whatever, so his wife Mercedes will be there as well. We just watch movies and stuff, get a little tipsy - it's fun!"

The blonde gave her a warm smile but sighed sadly. "I would really really love to come and meet your friends, but I have to work."

Santana just groaned in disapproval. "When do you ever _not _work?" she pouted. "And when do I ever get to see you play? I at least wanna know what you have worked so hard for..."

The other woman just looked down on the floor, absent-mindedly soaping the Latina's front.

"I'll show you soon... I promise."

Looking up to Santana again her expression switched to something the brunette knew too well by now, it was Brittany's seductive look.

"Do you wanna know something funny?" she whispered grinning, her mouth close to her lover's cheek. "Right after we met, that night at the bar... I came home and got myself off in this shower, thinking of you..."

The words sent that pleasant little tickle between her legs and she smiled back at Brittany, poking her tongue out at her. "You're a dirty little bitch, you know that?"

"Oh, I know" the blonde replied laughing, running her hands up the Latina's ribs, knowing how ticklish she was. Santana squeaked, pressing her lips onto the other woman's once more, biting her teasingly.

"So _you _got yourself off thinking of me, but _I _wasn't allowed, eh?"

"Baby, you know it was worth the wait" Brittany just responded with a self-confident grin, embracing Santana closely, giving her butt a small playful clap.

"C'mon, stop being so proud of yourself..." she laughed, though she knew exactly that the other woman was right. It had been worth the wait. It was worth the wait every single day. It was worth the lack of sleep, it was worth doing these silly jobs.

"I just wish..." she continued slowly, "I just wish somehow we'd have more time together. I wanna have breakfast with you, or dinner, or lunch... Go to the movies... something like that..."

She felt silly for suggesting it, especially after the other woman had already turned down her previous offer, but it was the way she felt and she couldn't really lie about it.

"I wanna do that, too... " the blonde assured her. "And we will."

Santana nodded, choosing to believe her lover for now.

"But now... enough with the talking" Brittany ordered and pressed herself closer to the Latina, her hand pushing forcefully between her legs.

"You never get enough, do you?" Santana tried to ask casually but a moan was already escaping her lips.

"Not from you."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"So this will be our first night apart, huh?" Santana asked with an insecure smile, leaning against the front door.

Brittany, who was still dressed in only her bathrobe, nodded slowly. "Seems so..."

"I hope you can survive a night without sex..." the brunette added playfully, poking the blonde's belly, not really understanding why the other woman looked the other way after hearing her comment.

"I guess I'll miss you... and I'll think of you at work."

Santana smiled and the blonde leaned in for another kiss, caressing her cheek with her thumb. She would miss her too – a lot.

"Oh great, you're already awake" they suddenly heard Emma's voice. "I... Oh my god, I'm sorry, I..."

The Latina broke the kiss and looked over the blonde's shoulder, spotting the thin redhead who stared at the two women with huge widened eyes.

"I didn't know you had company" she stuttered, obviosuly distressed.

"Oh, I was just leaving" Santana responded friendly, stepping away from the half-dressed woman in front of her, the intimate position suddenly making her uncomfortable in front of another person.

It was clear that Brittany hadn't told her nanny that she was seeing someone, judging by the look on the woman's face she didn't even know her boss might be dating women.

Brittany turned around to look at Emma. "I'll be there in a minute, okay?"

"Sure, sure, I'll just.. check on Abbey." With that the woman was out of the room again, leaving the two women in a slightly awkward silence.

"Sorry..." Santana started mumbling. "I don't know how much personal stuff you share with... others."

"Not much" Brittany admitted, stepping closer again to kiss the Latina's forehead.

"But I don't mind, she can know that I'm seeing you, I don't care if she's judging."

Santana just nodded, not really sure if she could believe the other woman. After all, their time together had always seemed a little like playing hide and seek. Like two teenagers secretly meeting for sex, sneaking in and out of each other's homes, hoping that their parents wouldn't catch them.

She didn't know why she suddenly felt this need to go public, it was silly. She wanted to introduce her to Quinn, wanted to get to know Brittany's friends, wanted to see her perform on stage, wanted to see her in actual daylight – was all this too much to ask? She figured it was, considering their relationship was labeled as a 'no strings attached' sex thing.

"I'll get going then..." she stated, looking down on her feet. She hadn't even met Abbey yet. Why couldn't they do something casual together with her daughter? Suddenly she remembered what Brittany had said that night in the car, about not wanting her to grow up with lesbian parents. It was an information that she had somehow chosen to forget, but it was suddenly back in her head, loud and clear.

"All right. Take care okay? And have fun at your girls sleepover!"

"Yeah... have fun at work" Santana replied, letting the other woman put a soft kiss on her cheek.

"Call me?" Brittany asked softly, reaching out to take the brunette's hand into her own, stroking it slowly.

"I will."

When she closed the door behind her she didn't exactly know where that weird feeling in her gut came from. The night had been great, just as all the previous nights, but still – something felt odd.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Santana was lying on her back on the bed in a white nightgown while Quinn was polishing her toenails. Mercedes was stuffing jelly beans into her mouth, complaining loudly about how ridiculous it was that they added this hot air balloon love confession at the end of 'The Ugly Truth'. Santana found she didn't mind since Katherine Heigl was hot enough.

"It ruins the whole film, seriously" she said chewing. "The movie is funny, has awesome dialogue, and then _this_? This is cheesier than our fondue..."

"It's just a movie" Quinn replied shrugging, paying close attention to Santana's toes, making sure not to screw up the colors while adding some small flower stickers to each nail.

"Wow, you really wanna make me look girly, don't you?" the Latina asked frowning, examining her feet which reminded her of those of a 13 year-old teenager.

"I think it's pretty" Quinn pouted. "I'm sure Brittany will like it, too" she added with a grin.

The comment earned her a glare from Santana who knew exactly that her friend had been dying to bring the topic up all night.

"What's with that Brittany chick anyways?" Mercedes queried, moving to lie on her belly so she'd face Santana, putting the movie on mute, glad to have found somehting more interesting to listen to.

"Santana wants it to get serious but is too scared to admit it" Quinn stated matter-of-factly, quickly dodging before the Latina could smack her head.

"Do not."

"Do, too."

Santana knew that Quinn was right but admitting it out loud meant admitting it to herself and somehow the thought of that made her feel too vulnerable.

"How long have you known her?" Mercedes asked curiously, though the Latina was sure Quinn had already told her all the details anyways.

"Couple of weeks..." she explained, sighing.

"And you like her." It was more of a statement than a question.

"Sure I like her" Santana went on "she's really awesome in bed, probably the best I ever had..."

"But?" Mercedes asked, raising her eyebrows.

"But she's scared of commitment" Quinn answered for her friend once more.

"I can speak for myself, Q" Santana stated a little annoyed, sitting up and dragging her legs closer to herself. "And no, I'm not _scared_... I guess."

"Cute..." Quinn giggled and Mercedes joined her laughter.

"C'mon let's face it, Lopez. When was the last time you were in a serious relationship?"

Santana wanted to open her mouth to answer something but the other woman interrupted her right away. "With someone you _cared for_, not someone whose house you liked."

"Ouch" the Latina replied, hating the truth to Mercede's question.

"Well, okay, _fine_ – I guess I might like her like _that_, so what? She's a totally closed-up person. Hell, I thought _I _was a private person, but her? I don't know, it's complicated I guess..."

Quinn snuggled closer to the Latina, laying her head on the other woman's chest. "Honey, I think you should tell her what's going on inside of you. You don't need to get all emotional or anything, just tell her you could imagine taking the next step with her, see how she reacts."

"I _tried _that, Quinn, I did. I told her I don't only wanna see her at night, I even invited her to join us tonight..."

"Invite her again" the blonde woman simply replied. "I had to ask Sam like five times before he finally went out with me."

"Uh no, he had to ask _you _five times" the Latina quickly clarified, petting her friend's head.

"Well, who cares about details, that was ages ago" Quinn laughed, "the important point is that we're happily married now and you shouldn't just give up if you like someone."

"She's right" Mercedes supported the blonde. "Plus it would be nice to see you finally join our Sunday's couple dinners!"

"You two are such old married ladies, you know that right? Even if Brit and I got together for real, I doubt we'd be the type to meet for weekly group cooking..."

"Same old cynic" Quinn said, rolling her eyes. "You'd see, cooking is the best foreplay. Whenever Sam and I cook together, we -"

"Oh, spare me the details, Fabrey" Santana interrupted her friend, not needing any images of her two blonde friends getting it on in her head. "I get the point."

"Anyways!" Mercedes exclaimed dramatically. "Santana, get your shit together and tell the girl that you like her. Move your sorry ass over to her place and do something, what is there to lose?"

"Um, what's there to lose? The best sex I ever had..." the Latina replied as if it was obvious, shaking her head in disbelief. Still part of her couldn't help wondering if her friends were right, if she was just too afraid of rejection.

"I just think... well... she seems to have issues. I still don't know what's up with her, but I can't get rid of the feeling that she's dealing with some serious stuff."

She didn't want to mention the bruises on her lover's neck the other night, she didn't want to mention the blonde's pathological need to shower before the Latina was allowed to touch her when she came to her place right after work. She had already wondered if she was suffering from some kind of OCD but that was absurd, she didn't seem to have any other eye-catching ticks. Discussing these worries with her friends seemed too personal, she didn't feel as if she could lay Brittany's issues out in the open like that with people who didn't even know her.

"Hm..." Quinn deliberated out loud. "Are you willing to deal with issues? Do you think she's worth it?"

"Yeah... yeah I think she is." Santana admitted slowly, receiving a smile from the two women next to her.

"Oh, Lopez, you're so whipped" Mercedes stated laughing and the Latina threw a jelly bean at her.

"Just shut up and turn on that movie again, we missed the whole finale."

She couldn't care less about the movie, she just didn't want the others to see her blush. Santana Lopez was actually falling for someone, and she was falling hard.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Adjusting her apron, the Latina reached for her purse in order to count this night's tip. It wasn't as much as it could have been and Santana let out an annoyed sigh at the fact that New Yorkers seemed to be so stingy. This was a first-class restaurant and she was hot, the least she could expect was a good tip. She already had enough of this job, it was exhausting. At least she'd see Brittany later that night, it was something that kept her going.

"Lopez, new couple at the entry, take care of that okay?" her colleague yelled over to her and the Latina just nodded. The place was quite popular and you didn't just get a table if you hadn't booked it beforehand.

She walked over to the entry when her heart suddenly stopped. She felt her throat closing up at the sight of _her _standing in the doorframe, next to some guy she had never seen before. And what was she _wearing? _Could this dress be any shorter? Why the hell was she not at work? She was supposed to be at work, she had told her so.

She felt the heat rushing through her body, felt her hands get sweaty, making a fist and drilling her fingernails into her own flesh. She wanted to storm out, wanted to tell her colleague to take over for her, wanted to hide and spy on the couple, wanted to go over there and yell at the blonde – all at the same time. But she chose to remain calm, at least on the outside, and go over there.

When she saw the guy grabbing Brittany's waist she felt close to throwing up. How he wrapped his arm around her, that look on his face as if he was about to undress her with his eyes, it made her sick. Was this her boyfriend? Was this her 'work'? Was she actually seeing some guy every night before they met?

The pain in her chest became unbearable. She just wanted to walk over there but she felt paralyzed, felt her eyes grow teary with anger. This was fucking humiliating. There was the girl she liked, the girl she had planned on telling how she felt, obviously having no problem with screwing her over, lying straight to her face. It hurt like hell.

She brushed away the angry tear out of the corner of her eye and walked closer until she realized the blonde had recognized her. Brittany was turning pale, obviously not having expected to see the Latina. This was about to get messy and Santana could already see herself fired.

She approached the couple and stopped right in front of them. She said nothing, just glared at the blonde, not able to hide her anger. They stared at each other, Brittany's eyes widened. Santana couldn't read what the other woman was feeling but she didn't care, she didn't want to know what she was feeling, she just knew what she was feeling herself and she certainly hated it.

"Hello, we booked a table for two, for 8 o' clock" the slightly chubby man announced, smiling friendly. "Name's Hudson."

The Latina clenched her teeth, her chin shaking. She didn't even look at the man before grabbing the book with the reservations, crossing his name out so forcefully that she was ripping the paper.

"Hudson, I see" she repeated with a deadly cold voice. "Table for two. Right."

She gave the couple a fake smile that looked so vicious one might consider it scary.

"Follow me."

She turned around on her heel, walking with fast steps to a table that was located right next to the restroom.

"Uh..." the man cleared his throat. "Don't you have a table with a prettier view? Wouldn't wanna take out a pretty lady and have her sit next to the toilet..." he laughed a little insecure, petting Brittany's back.

"Nope. Only thing I can offer you and the _pretty lady_." Santana stated, even though it was obvious that there were several empty tables left in the room.

Brittany was quiet though the Latina thought she could see tears in her eyes. '_Yeah right, now you feel sorry for being caught'_ she thought, carelessly throwing the menu cards on their plates.

Santana felt furious. She knew Brittany and she hadn't been dating officially, she knew it was just sex, but it sure as hell looked as if this douchebag and her were actually together, considering how he kept reaching for her hand. She _lied _to her, she fucking _lied. _Had she actually been screwing this dumbass before she came to her place? Did she have his sweat all over her when she walked into her room? This was beyond acceptable, it was ... she had no words.

"So, what would you like to drink? We have some delicious new cocktails that you might wanna try. One is called '_Terrible Liar' _, the other '_Unscrupulous Bitch'_."

Brittany winced at her words, accidentally bumping her empty glass off the table which shattered into a thousand pieces on the restaurant floor.

"I'm sorry..." she mumbled.

"It's fine darlin'" the man said softly, petting her arm. "I'm sure the lady won't mind cleaning it up for us."

"No, of course I don't mind cleaning up the mess you create" Santana replied ironically. "So, did you chose?"

"Unscrupulous Bitch sounded interesting, what's in it?" Brittany's dorky companion asked curiously and the Latina just gave him a weird look.

"Water... please..." the blonde whispered, swallowing hard.

"Sure... water... so _innocent_, what else would it be?" Santana replied coldly, rolling her eyes.

"Ma'am, I don't think your attitude is appropriate..." the man stated carefully but Brittany brushed him off.

"Finn, it's okay."

"Anyhow... I'll take a coke then" the man attempted to order but Santana had already stumbled off, trying to control her emotions.

If she freaked out now she was going to lose her job and she really needed the money. But on the other hand... Why had she taken this fucking job in the first place? Because she had made a fool of herself for thinking this thing with Brittany could ever become something serious, because she wanted to invite her into an own home, because she didn't want to search for some other chick to take her in again. How stupid she had been? She should have realized something was odd, what theatre group even practiced so late in the evening? She must have been blinded by the blonde. A lovestruck idiot.

She hated herself for being so naive, hated herself for dropping all her usual habits and letting herself get emotionally involved with someone. This had to end. Tonight.

Santana returned to the table with a dustpan and a hand broom, getting down on her knees to clean up the shattered glass. As if this all wasn't already humiliating enough she had to rob along the floor right next to their feet.

Trying to clean as fast as possible the Latina cut herself in the hand with a piece of broken glass, letting out some spanish curses when the blood was dripping down her hand. She got up and bumped her head on the table, tears of pain and anger streaming down her face.

"So what is he, the new heterosexual daddy for your daughter?" she yelled at the blonde who looked as if she was about to cry herself. She knew she was getting dramatic but it was already too late.

"Fuck you, Brittany, really, you disgust me!"

She just dropped the dustpan and the glass, storming out of the building while sucking her finger to stop it from bleeding all over her outfit.

She heard the woman push her chair back, heard the fast clicking sounds of her insanely high heels on the floor behind her but she didn't look back, she couldn't talk to her now.

"Santana... please, Santana let me explain..." the blonde yelled behind her but Santana just continued running until she was finally out of the building.

It was loud on the streets, hundreds of cars passing by, people talking and making noises, the lights of the huge billboards reflecting on the Latina's face.

"Explain? I think there's nothing else to explain! By night you come over for your little fuck visits because you're too much of a coward to admit you're more into girls, and by day you live your cute little heterosexual life with your loser boyfriend. You're pathetic and I'm so done with you"

"It's not like that, Santana...it's not" Brittany pleaded, quickly brushing the tears away that were continually streaming down her face.

"Oh really? I don't believe you anyways but just tell me what it's like then, cause I'd really like to hear what awesome lie you have prepared for me now. Let me guess - you're actually working _right now_, the guy is just part of the play and you're practicing your love scene at the restaurant?" She laughed ironically, shaking her head dismissively.

"That's actually quite close to the truth..." the blonde replied slowly, knowing that there was no turning back now.

"Oh, is it?" Santana asked sarcastically, raising her eyebrows. "I'm gonna call a cab."

She turned around so she was facing the street, waving for one of the many yellow vehicles.

"I'm an escort, Santana."

The Latina's arm fell down and she froze. She slowly turned back to look at the blonde who stared at her expectantly, a vulnerable expression on her face that told Santana she wasn't lying. It made sense. It did.

"You're kidding, right?"

"I wish I were..." the blonde whispered in a shaky voice, looking around nervously.

An escort. She had fallen for a prostitute. She didn't know what she was feeling but she figured she mainly felt betrayed. She felt like she had a right to _know _this, it was something you deserved to _know _before getting involved with someone, _before_ they fucked with your feelings.

"And you don't think you could have told me that?" she basically screamed, the anger not really disappearing. The truth was just too hard to take.

"Oh my god, you just come by and fuck me every night! God knows what diseases you gave me!"

She knew she was being mean but she couldn't hold it back. She saw the look on Brittany's face, saw her tears, but the words just flowed out of her.

"I'm no street hooker..." the blonde tried defending herself, having trouble controling her sobbing.

"Oh I see, you're a high-end prostitute, I'm sorry. Well – I guess I can feel honored that I got to enjoy your services for free then..."

Brittany was crossing her arms in front of her protectively, looking down on the street, not able to stand the cold look on her lover's face.

"Why are you being like this... you're hurting me" she managed to bring out but she just received another ironic laugh.

"Yeah well, sorry, it's also kind of hurtful to realize I've been falling for a woman who's fucked ten other people before she visits me..."

The blonde shook her head vehemently. "I never fuck ten people in one night.." she tried to defend herself once more but the Lartina interrupted her before she could go on.

"You know what? I don't think I even wanna know... I'm better off not knowing it."

A cab had finally stopped in front of her and she quickly opened the door, rushing into the car without looking back, leaving the blonde behind, looking as if someone had punched her right in the face.

She told the driver the adress before leaning her forehead against the back of the seat in front of her, trying to control her breathing.

"Rough night?" the man asked sympathetically.

"Not in the mood to talk" the Latina replied in a shaky voice, closing her eyes. She figured she had already said enough.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

TBC

**A/N: So... the truth is finally OUT! What did you think? Let me know :)**

**Also: whoever has a tumblr, follow me if you like! I'm planning on putting some fic updates on it, tell you guys what I'm currently writing on, when you might expect another update aso aso. you can send me ideas in my ask box, or I'll ask you for advice if I feel I need any. So - tumblr people - the adress is bananabugsnake . tumblr . com - obviously without spaces in between ;)**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: It wasn't easy for me to get through this chapter, somehow it never felt good or "right" to me so in fact I'm not happy with the way it turned out. I have to thank my beta reader a million times though who at least made it decent enough to publish it - phew.**

**Chapter 9**

"So is it still about that woman? The one you're dating?"

Santana raised her head from the seat in front of her, frowing at the driver's words.

"What are you talking about? How would you know I - "

She paused for a moment when the man turned around and smiled at her, winkng.

"How many fucking taxi drivers are there in Manhattan? Are you some stalker creep or something?" the Latina hissed at the driver who had dropped her off at Brittany's place several nights ago. The night when they first had sex.

The memories were flashing through her mind again, the excitement she had felt that evening, the thrill of the unknown. She realized that the unknown had been much more pleasant than knowing the truth. She suddenly wished that cab was a De Lorean that would bring her back to a time where she didn't have to worry about having a hooker friend, she wished that man behind the wheel looked more like Doc Brown and less like some stereotypical Indian taxi driver.

"12 000, give or take" the man clarified, eyeing Santana through his rearview mirror. "But as luck would have it you and I get to see each other twice!"

"Yeah, lucky me..." the brunette just replied, rolling her eyes and fumbling for a tissue to wipe her face. She figured she must look terrible.

For a while neither of them said anything, though Santana couldn't get rid of the feeling that the man was observing her closely.

"So whatever it is that she's done to you... I think everyone deserves a second chance" he suddenly stated with his Indian accent, focusing on the road.

The Latina couldn't believe she was actually having _that _conversation with a cab driver, though she had often heard they were the best shrinks.

"I think there are just some things that can't be forgiven..." she mumbled slowly, looking out of the window and staring at the many cars that were passing by. "Some things that are just too wrong in too many ways..."

"Do you think that she was sorry? For what happened?"

Santana just let out an ironic laugh, shaking her head.

"Yeah sure, sorry for being caught in the act, that's what she was..."

Her mind travelled back to the picture of the blonde standing there in front of her, tears streaming down her face. They had been tears of regret, tears of hurt, she knew they had meant much more than what she just told the driver. She sighed.

"Or maybe she was truly sorry... I don't know. I don't care."

The man laughed. Why was he laughing? She was sitting there, obviously feeling miserable and he just laughed at her?

"What's so funny?" she queried, giving him a warning glare.

"Oh just the fact that it's obvious how much you do care. It was obvious the night I drove you to her place, how nervous you were, how you wanted to look perfect, how your hands were shaking and your eyes were glowing. And when I look at you now, you are probably the saddest customer I have taken anywhere all week – even all month maybe - and believe me, I have a _lot _of customers. And if my job teaches me anything, it's that I can tell quite well when people truly care."

Santana just frowned – this was getting ridiculous. She would not let some random guy analyze her feelings. She didn't want to think about second chances, she was still angry, furious, all she wanted was to have a strong drink and to erase her memories.

"Do you want me to take you back? So you two can talk it out?" the man asked in a friendly voice, turning on the radio to let some Bollywood music play quietly in the background.

"Oh don't you dare!" Santana growled at him, hints of panic in her voice. "I think you should just drive and mind your own goddamn business, Mister..."

"Figgins" the driver finished her sentence, turning around grinning and pointing at his name tag.

"So, Mister _Figgins, _I think I changed my mind. Forget the address I told you, drop me off right there."

"At the bar?" he carefully asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Don't even think about lecturing me..." she hissed at him, relieved when he finally pulled over. She threw the money on his lap and couldn't wait to get out of the car and drown her feelings in some cheap alcohol.

"Take care, all right? Don't drink too much" he told her, his head peeking out of his window since Santana was already out of the door. "See you next time!"

"I hope not..." the Latina just mumbled, fumbling for her purse. At least she had taken the night's tip with her, the last tip she'd ever receive in that restaurant. She had lost her job and the girl she liked, both in one night – she figured she had every right to get wasted.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Brittany was still standing at the same spot Santana had left her, staring at the streets, not able to stop the tears from falling. It had all turned out exactly the way she had hoped it would never happen. She felt like a fool for having believed she'd find the right words to tell the truth someday. If she were honest with herself, there weren't many scenarios she could possibly think of that would qualify as 'the right time' to come clean about the things she'd been hiding. She was a fuckup and nothing, not the most well-thought-out explanation ever would have changed that.

She knew the Latina had probably just lost her job and the thought was killing her inside, the fact that she was messing with somebody else's life again. This was entirely _her _fault. _She _was the one who should be fired.

But no, Finn Hudson was her client that night, a man who would never go to Artie and complain about the incident. The young man was actually too sweet to be hiring an escort, Brittany was sure he could get real girlfriends if he just tried. But she also knew the man had an almost non-existing self-esteem, he had told her often enough how much he'd been bullied during high school.

Whenever Finn booked her, he just wanted to have some company. He took her out on nice dates, sometimes they went to the movies, sometimes to the spa – the blonde couldn't complain. At the end of the night they'd have some unspectacular yet adequate sex and she'd know she had made a man happy for the day.

Tonight it was all different. She had disappointed one of her most faithful clients - who now knew far too much about her private life – and she had hurt the one person about whom she was truly beginning to care. It hurt her like a knife in her chest but she was sure that she deserved every bit of that pain.

The blonde only woke up from her trance when two strong hands were wrapping a jacket around her bare arms.

"Thank you..." Brittany whispered, trying to smile at Finn but failing miserably.

"You're shaking, Heather..." he told her, rubbing her arms above the fabric. "...or Brittany is it, right?"

The blonde just nodded, figuring it wouldn't matter anymore if he knew her real name, he had already seen enough. He'd seen her at her most vulnerable moment, something that was an absolute no-no in front of a client, but it had happened and she would have to deal with it.

"I'm really sorry Finn" she said, her voice hoarse and barely audible. "You'll get your money back of course."

Finn said nothing and simply replied with a small nod. His face looked serious, as if he were trying to process what had just happened in front of his eyes.

"So... you have a daughter" he then pointed out, looking down at his own shoes to avoid her gaze. Brittany wasn't sure why he was asking though she suddenly got the impression the man was truly interested in her private life. She couldn't get rid of the thought that he might have started to truly to believe this act they had been playing, that for him 'Heather' had really become his girlfriend, if only in his mind.

"I do, but Finn? Please understand that I don't wanna talk about any of this, okay? Please..."

He nodded again and handed her a tissue so she could blow her nose.

"So are you a lesbian?"

"_Finn!_" she yelled almost desperately and the man turned quiet, awkwardly looking around.

"I'm sorry... do you want me to drive you home?"

Brittany shook her head vehemently. "No... no, thanks, I'm good."

"You don't seem good" the man responded worried, trying to touch her arm but the blonde brushed him off, handing him his jacket.

"I'm fine, I can walk home..." she reassured him in a numb voice, glad when he finally let go of her.

She wasn't anywhere near her apartment but she didn't care because it didn't matter. It didn't matter when she got home, her child was asleep and there was no one else waiting for her anymore. Nothing really mattered anymore.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It had taken her more than an hour to get home but she had lost all track of time. She hadn't noticed how her feet were bleeding from walking so far in these high heels, she hadn't noticed those many men whistling and honking at her while she'd been walking along the streets of New York City in her inappropriately short dress – it was as if all these things just didn't get to her, as if nothing around her seemed important around her.

Her feet had carried her to her apartment and her tears had dried on the way. She felt numb, even though it was a dark kind of numb. Any hint of happiness had fled from her mind – her life was just empty.

Closing the door behind her with shaky fingers she turned on a small light and looked around the empty room. Everything was quiet. It felt lonely. Suffocating.

Walking had been easier, the fresh air, the noises that had surrounded her, it had made it easier to maintain that trance she had been in - but this? The deadly silent apartment with all of these memories... she felt angry, desperate even.

She looked down at her body, touching the fabric of her short dress with a tortured look on her face. It suddenly all felt so dirty to her, her whole existence. Even Santana had been disgusted by her, she could see it on her face – hell, she had _told _her so.

Walking over to the bar in the living room, the blonde considered getting drunk on Jack Daniel's. She carefully touched the bottle and wondered how much of it she could take before she'd pass out, but there was always something in the back of her mind stopping her. She enjoyed the occasional cocktail but drunking until she passed out had never been her thing. The pictures of her own alcoholic father were still too painful. She had always told herself she'd never end up like him, a drunk asshole who didn't care about his own daughter – but what had she become? A sex-worker who had given her own daughter away.

At that moment, she realized - she was no better than her own father, the person she most despised.

Before she even knew it the tears again blurred her vision. She felt her breath grow shorter, her heart beat faster, her face turn hotter. The desperation and the anger overwhelmed her, it felt like millions of hot ants were running underneath her skin.

Gripping the bottle tighter Brittany stumbled off the barstool and stopped in front of the big black and white photograph of herself above the fireplace. She pictured Santana, how she had stared at it, how she had desired her. But that was all gone forever now. All Brittany could see when she looked at the photograph was a whore.

She bit her lip, let out a groan and then threw the full bottle against the wall, watching it shatter and the liquid run down the picture frame.

She knew the noise must have woken up the whole house but she was past the point of caring and just let herself sink onto the floor, sobbing hard.

Emma came running down the stairs in a long nightgown, staring at her with widened eyes that looked twice as huge as they usually did.

"Oh my god, Brittany? What on earth happened?"

She couldn't answer, she wouldn't have known what to tell her. She knew she was looking pathetic but she didn't think she could move, even breathing was a challenge. Emma was just another person on the list of people who were confronted with her craziness, if she wanted to quit her nanny job it was probably for her own good, she wouldn't stop her.

"Brittany...?" the redhead asked carefully, slowly stepping closer.

"You don't have to clean that up" the blonde just whispered, dragging her legs closer to herself and hiding her face on her knees. "I'll clean it up in the morning. I'm sorry."

"Brit, do you want me to take you upstairs to bed?"

She was thankful that the woman didn't ask any further questions and decided she needed to sleep. Tomorrow she would find a way to face the future, but tonight she just needed everything to stop. Tomorrow the world would still be the same, she'd still be the same person, but maybe she'd find a way to regain some strength and carry on as before.

She nodded.

Emma took her hand and helped her get up, patting her back, and Brittany was surprised the woman was willing to touch her despite the mess she had been sitting in.

"Don't worry, I don't think Abbey heard you..." she stated carefully when they were upstairs, apparently sensing the blonde's quick insecure look at her daughter's bedroom door. "She sleeps very soundly. She's a great girl."

"I'm sure she is..." Brittany slowly replied, not meeting Emma's gaze.

"She looks so much like you, you two have the same smile" she said.

Brittany tried to give her a thankful smile and nodded, taking off her dress and crawling underneath the blanket.

"Thank you, Emma. And I'm sorry I woke you."

"It's no problem, I'm a bit of an insomniac anyways" the other woman replied, turning off the lights in the room.

"Get some sleep, the world will look much brighter in the morning."

"Good night, Emma" was the blonde's only reaction, not wanting to elaborate how nothing was going to be bright for her. For now it was all dark.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Santana couldn't walk straight and certainly couldn't _think _straight anymore. She had spent the past hours in a cheap bar for students, appreciating the fact that its clientele were people who had even less money than herself.

The taste of Vodka Energy was still on her lips and she felt lightheaded. She was Santana Lopez, she wouldn't let anyone play with her feelings. She was young and pretty and many women would be willing to date her, she didn't depend on anyone and certainly not on a lying hooker.

She knew she just needed distraction, something she wouldn't find alone in her hotel room, so her drunk mind led her right to Shelby's doorstep.

She had no idea what time it was but she didn't care, all she wanted was the confirmation that she didn't have to be alone. There were other women in the world besides Brittany Pierce.

She rang the doorbell, trying to support herself against the wall of the huge house. She felt dizzy and shaky and wished Shelby would hurry so she could use the bathroom and sit down somewhere.

After a few minutes there was still no answer so the Latina kept ringing and ringing until finally the door swung open. For a second she was confused, wondering if alcohol made other people look younger, until she realized it was in fact Rachel standing in front of her with a shocked expression on her face.

"Santana? What the fuck are you doing here in the middle of the night? Are you still seeing my mother? I thought you two were finally over!"

The woman's voice was loud, far too loud for Santana's condition, buzzing in her ears.

"Where's Shelby?" Santana slurred barely understandable, almost losing her balance.

"Geez Santana, are you drunk?" Rachel asked frowning, even though the answer was quite obvious.

"Who cares. I wanna see Shelby." Santana repeated and the other woman just rolled her eyes.

"My mother isn't here, she's on some wellness weekend trip..."

"Great... wellness... great..."

Rachel was raising an eyebrow at the Latina's incoherent mumbling, spotting her bruised hand which was still bleeding a little and looking pretty bad. She sighed.

"I can't believe I'm saying this but you should come inside... you're completely wasted and your hand looks awful... no idea what you did but I guess you can't walk home like this..."

Santana wanted to say no but she felt sick and everything was spinning. Nodding, she let the brunette support her and bring her inside, falling down onto the sofa with a tortured groan.

Rachel walked into the kitchen to get the other woman some water and some antiseptic for her cut.

"Here... drink this... and let me help you with that..." she mumbled a little annoyed, cleaning the woman's wound who shrieked at the contact.

"That _burns_!" she yelled in a high pitched-voice, shaking her hand to get rid of the stinging feeling.

"Don't be a baby and keep your hand still" Rachel just ordered, sitting down next to the woman and eyeing her closely.

"What happened to you?" she wanted to know, her voice a bit softer, apparently feeling a little sorry for the other woman.

"My life sucks" Santana mumbled, closing her eyes since the room seemed to be upside down.

"You're not going to puke, are you? Cause I'm not sure how my mom will react if she finds vomit on her carpet..."

"I won't puke, I'm not 15..." Santana stated offended and Rachel chose not to comment on that.

"Need to lay down though..." she added in a whisper and shoved Rachel off the couch to have enough room for her legs. _'Just breathe... breathe...' _was repeating in her head like a mantra.

The other woman sat down on the floor in front of the sofa, looking at the Latina who was massaging her temples, her black mascara smeared all over her face.

"So why are you here?" Rachel wanted to know, supporting her back against the sofa and turning on the TV to let MTV run in the background and avoid any potential awkward silence.

"Why are _you _here?" the Latina queried, still not opening her eyes.

Rachel sighed.

"I needed to get out... Jesse and I had a fight and I can't stand being in the same room with him at the moment... it's good mom's gone and I can escape here..."

Santana couldn't hold back a smirk.

"So what did the happy married couple fight about?"

"You better be nice to me, Santana or I'll just kick you out again" Rachel threatened and the Latina turned quiet right away.

"I'm only telling you this because you won't remember anything in the morning anyways..." the brunette started, apparently being glad to have found someone to talk to.

"I think he's cheating on me... I mean, I don't know for sure, but I can tell he's... _bored _by me..." she slowly explained in a sad voice. "I really tried being a good wife but he constantly looks at other women and doesn't want sex with me anymore... and I really tried everything... believe me... _everything._.."

Santana opened one eye to look at the woman next to her on the floor.

"Wish I could tell you anything positive about your husband, but I never liked him, sorry..." Santana admitted honestly.

Rachel shrugged.

"I know... just... am I not desirable? Look at me!"

She stood up, turning around in front of Santana.

"Am I that unattractive? You're a lesbian, what do you think...?"

Santana sat up a little bit to get a better look and had to grin.

"No, actually you look a lot like your mother."

"Oh, gross..." Rachel replied, making a face and sitting down again.

"So, are you finally gonna tell me why you're here? I mean, I'll try to block out the thought that you were probably hoping to have sex with my mom, but apart from that? Why did you get so wasted?" she changed the subject, looking at the Latina expectantly.

Santana sighed, taking another sip of water.

"If I could still think clearly I would never talk to you about that..." she started, sitting up and groaning at the fact that her head was hammering like hell.

"But you can't, so just tell me" Rachel said shrugging, staring at the new Lady Gaga video that was playing on the huge flat screen.

"I just found out my ... uh..." Even in her drunk mind Santana didn't want to use the word 'girlfriend'.

"I found out the woman I've been seeing is a call-girl..."

Rachel's eyes widened at the information and she turned around to look at the Latina, the TV suddenly forgotten.

"What's her name?" she asked curiously and Santana had to frown.

"Why does it matter?"

"It doesn't, just go on..." Rachel replied hastily.

"Well... I caught her... while she was on a date with one of her johns..."

"That really sucks..." the other woman had to admit, giving Santana a sympathetic look. "I guess you liked her?"

Santana let out an ironic laugh.

"Yeah... silly me."

"It's not silly" Rachel encouraged her, smiling softly. "What are you going to do?"

The Latina suddenly reached for her bag and fumbled for her cell phone. With a few quick movements she had removed her SIM card and just broke it in half.

"That's what I'm doing" she clarified. "Delete her out of my life."

Rachel just stared at her.

"Um... you might regret that in the morning..."

"I won't" Santana stated, the sadness suddenly coming back. She wouldn't call her anymore, she didn't want _her _to call her. She would check out of the hotel in the morning, find another place to stay. She didn't want to hear her apologies, didn't want to hear her voice again, see her beautiful face, it would make it all worse. It was better this way.

She stared at the two broken pieces in her hand and before she knew it the tears were streaming down her face again. Great. As if this all weren't embarassing enough she was _crying _in front of Rachel fucking St. James.

"It's just the stupid alcohol..." she sobbed. "Always makes me so fucking emotional..."

"I know..." Rachel said slowly, sitting down next to the other woman again and petting her back in a comforting manner.

"It's okay to just want to forget sometimes when it all gets too much, right?" she cried bitterly, not bothering to wipe away her tears.

"Yeah."

"I really hate her, Rachel. I really really do. I hate her so much right now."

The brunette nodded.

"I just wish I didn't miss her so much already."

Brittany had tried her best to get through the next few days. She had met clients she hated, acting as professionally as she could, she had tried to be a good mother for Abbey, had tried to make her laugh, but she still felt like a failure. Abbey still wasn't saying a word and the blonde wondered if her daughter would ever speak again. She didn't even need her to speak to _her _as long as the young girl would open up to _someone _some day, even if it was Emma or her kindergarten teacher.

Artie had texted her that he wanted to see her in his office again and Brittany was already preparing for the worst. Visiting him usually never meant anything good. She was nervous as she walked down the hallway, her gut telling her he was angry.

When she opened the door to his office the man was sitting in front of his computer with a strict expression on his face, a glass of whiskey in his hand.

"There you are..." he slowly greeted her, not looking up from the screen.

"What did I do...?" the blonde asked, wanting to get down to business so she could leave quickly.

Artie just leaned back in his chair and stretched his arms, pointing at the homepage in front of him.

Brittany stepped closer to see what he had been looking at and it only took her a second to know what this was all about. It was a review page.

The blonde entirely hated the whole concept of these pages. They were forums for clients, for paying members who visited these boards to brag about their experiences with escorts like testosterone crazed boys and pat each other on the back for the newest adventure they had to tell. They "reviewed" the time with the woman and gave them scores based on their performance.

Somehow Brittany always had to laugh on the inside when she thought about all this, laugh at the fact how _romantic _ this was when you thought about it. Not only did they include all the sexual details, they especially tried to compete with each other and make their dates look more spectacular than any other.

God forbid if you didn't have a great meeting, if you didn't fulfill their wishes as they wanted it, you were doomed with a bad review right away – something that had cost many girls she knew their job.

Of course these communities were officially labeled as "fictional", just to appear legal from the outside, but everyone in the business knew they weren't.

"Do you see that?" he asked her in a cold voice, pointing at her score. "What the fuck, Brittany!"

His voice was already getting louder, the blonde was sure he was on cocaine again.

"You used to be a 9.8! A _9.8_! Look at it! What are you now?"

"We can both read..." the blonde whispered, staring at the numbers.

"I want you to tell me. Tell me what you are!" he ordered, his eye twitching again.

"A 7.3..."

"That's correct" he said, smiling at her as if she was stupid. "So can you explain this to me?"

"I'm having a rough week... I had some stuff going on, private stuff, but it will get better again, I -"

"You better get your fucking _shit _together!" he yelled and the blonde winced. Artie got up from his chair, stepping closer to the woman and positioning one hand on the wall next to her head so their faces were so close that Brittany could smell the whiskey in his breath.

"You're so lucky that I know what you're capable of" he whispered, leaning in closer to kiss her, but the blonde turned her face away so his lips only touched her cheek.

"I'll be better again... I promise" she mumbled, not meeting his eyes.

"Why don't you show me..." the man breathed out, his other hand pressing against her stomach, stroking it slowly. "Show me again how good you really are, so I know that I can trust you."

Brittany felt like throwing up, his hand on her body feeling like a virus that she needed to get rid off. She pushed him away firmly, trying her best not to yell at him to leave her the fuck alone. It was always a challenge, working for someone you despised but depending on them for the money.

"Not tonight, Artie..." she said, trying to keep her voice level and look him straight in the eyes to emphasize her point.

She quickly turned away to leave his office, looking forward to getting some fresh air.

Artie was still yelling something after her, something like ''_you better fix this'' _but she just closed the door.

She jumped into her car to drive to the only person she wanted to see, the only person who knew basically everything about her and she was glad to find his car parked in the driveway, indicating that he was home. She needed someone to hug her.

When Dave opened the door he seemed to realize right away what was going on with his friend. He didn't even need to look at her teary eyes, her whole body language was already saying enough.

"Now you can say it.. say 'I told you so'" Brittany whispered shyly, knowing exactly how often he had warned her about getting too close to someone.

Dave just dragged her in for a close embrace, kissing her blonde head, not caring that his friend's tears were wetting his shirt.

"Shhh... I won't" he reassured her, stroking her hair. "I won't..."

His arms felt good, his body was a shield that would protect her.

"Come in and go sit on the couch okay?" he said softly and the blonde nodded, settling on the huge brown sofa that was still a leftover from the seventies.

Dave walked into the kitchen to prepare his friend a hot cocoa, making sure to put an extra huge marshmallow in it, just as she liked it.

Brittany gave him a grateful smile, hugging the cocoa in front of her chest, enjoying the warm feel of it in her hands. Dave sat down next to her, not asking any questions. He knew Brittany would open up to him, he'd let _her_ decide what she wanted to talk about.

"I have been crying for days, and I can't function and you're the only one I feel I can talk to, the only one who knows me."

She had told Karofsky about the incident with Santana via text and he had tried to talk to her but Brittany had felt she had to deal with it on her own. Now, being here with him, finally letting her feelings out, felt like the best decision she had made in days.

"I was okay before all this, you know? At least I thought I was, but something got triggered and suddenly I woke up from this trance and now I've changed. I'm overwhelmed and I don't know what to do. I didn't realize how much I had bottled things up...so many emotions..."

"I think I always knew..." Dave admitted honestly, giving her a compassionate look.

"I know why I started. I've never liked myself much and being an escort let me prove to myself I was desireable, wanted. I never thought I was any good at anything. My parents never gave a shit. They never cared about my education or helped me with homework..."

Dave just nodded.

"But there is truly no comfort in being wanted just for sex" she added slowly, brushing away a tear.

"I always saw more in you, I always wondered why you put yourself through all of this" the man admitted, softly stroking her leg.

"I'm tired of selling myself to men who don't even know my real name. They may want me for sex but none of them love me for who I am. I'm just a body to them and there's nothing about me besides that that would make anyone want _me_ anyway."

It was the first time she admitted these feelings out loud, probably even the first time she admitted it to herself. She had done such a good job at ignoring all of this.

"That's not true Brit, I think you're amazing" Karofsky assured her honestly. "I'm serious, if I weren't gay..."

Brittany had to smile at her friend's vain attempt to comfort her.

"Thank you..." she whispered, letting her body rest against his chest so he could hug her from behind.

"You know... when I was a little girl, I used to believe in dreams and love and marriage and family... but all of this feels so far away, like someone else's dream, but not my own... I can't even fake happiness enough to pull off a date with a client anymore. I went to see Artie today and he was so angry because my ratings dropped and... - "

"Artie is an asshole, I hate him" Dave interrupted her, squeezing her body a little more firmly.

They both grew silent, knowing exactly how screwed up the people who surrounded them were.

"Have you tried calling her?" he suddenly asked, finally bringing up Santana.

"She changed her number" the blonde whispered, absent-mindedly staring into her cup.

"Visit her at the hotel?" he suggested hopefully.

"She checked out..."

Dave gave her another compassionate look. Brittany had already tried everything, she hadn't wanted to give up but Santana had left her no other choice.

"It's really over isn't it?" she asked softly, a sad smile on her lips.

Karofsky just stared at her and didn't manage to say anything. Brittany figured it was enough of an answer.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Santana had spent the past few nights at the bar. _The _bar.

At first she had been trying to tell herself that she simply liked the place, that she had come here for years and that this was the only reason. She had been sitting at _the _table, sipping her martini and playing silly games on her iPhone to keep herself entertained.

The more nights she spent there, the more restless she felt. Even if she'd never admit it, something inside her had hoped to see her again. To get one more look at her. To see her smoke these cigarettes again as she had done it the night they met. To see her so confident, hear her flirt with her. To get just one more chance to touch her.

She knew it would never work with Brittany. She wasn't ready. She wasn't in a place in her life where she could handle any of it. She didn't know if she ever would be. This wasn't Pretty Woman.

She was still angry, but her desire to see Brittany was stronger. It was something she couldn't control. Even if the blonde never showed up at the bar again, Santana couldn't let go of the hope that she might. And that pathetic hope dragged her here every night, just in case.

Of course, Santana could just drive over to her place. She knew where Brittany lived. But she didn't want to seem so weak. She didn't want to admit the possibility that she could forgive her. Instead she maintained the fiction that they might simply run into each other, a complete coincidence, right? More like destiny than something over which she had any control.

The Latina was too involved with her new edition of 'Angry Birds' to notice the blonde when she stepped inside. She didn't notice her sitting down in front of the bartender, at least not until she heard her voice. She'd recognize that voice anywhere, in between millions of people. It was the voice that made her legs turn weak, the voice that had whispered so many things into her ear, the voice she couldn't get enough of.

Santana looked up from her phone and there she was, gorgeous as always, yet looking much skinnier than before. She figured the blonde hadn't spotted her yet and for a second she wondered if she should sneak out of the room. She had seen her, knew she was still alive and breathing and it should be enough. She could just leave – but she didn't.

When their eyes finally met she could see the shock on Brittany's face, could feel her own face turn hot. They were both sat, staring at each other and slowly finished their drinks.

The tension was unbearable, they way they challenged each other. It drove Santana crazy.

She tried really hard to interpret the blonde's face, to read _anything _in her features but she couldn't.

The Latina felt her heart beat faster in her chest when the inevitable happened. Both of them had finished their drinks, trying to decide what to do next. Leave? Order another Martini?

Before she had a chance to think about the situation any longer, her body had made the decision for her. She got up from her chair and walked straight to the restroom, giving the blonde a meaningful look on her way. She didn't say anything, she left the decision up to Brittany if she would follow.

She closed the door and examined herself in the mirror, looked at her flushed cheeks and took a deep breath, supporting herself on the sink. Her hands were shaking on the cold white material and her heart almost stopped when she heard the sound of the door behind her slowly opening.

Santana saw the blonde behind her, their eyes meeting in the mirror. There was no turning back and she knew it, there was no way she could hold herself back from doing what she was about to do.

She turned around in one quick movement, pushing Brittany into an empty stall, locking the door behind them. She was glad it was a Monday and there were barely any other people hanging around in the bar at that time of the night.

"Santana, I... -"

The Latina pressed her hand on the blonde's mouth.

"Shut up, okay? Just shut up. Don't even think about talking to me. Don't even think this means anything, because it doesn't."

The blonde did as she was told and Santana pressed her against the wall, hard. She replaced her hand with her lips, forcing her mouth against the blonde's, moaning at the contact she had been longing for every night since their breakup.

Santana pushed her knee between Brittany's legs, saw her eyes roll back into her head as it hit the hard wall behind her. She needed to be in charge.

The Latina bit blonde's lips, sucking her lower lip into her mouth while pulling her panties down just enough to get access to her wetness. She wasted no time, didn't drag this out for long. She needed this, needed to get off and hoped then she could just forget her.

Brittany was mimicking her actions, the blonde's hand soon rubbing against her clit.

They were panting against each other and Santana was pushing her fingers inside the other woman as deeply as she could.

They were trying to be quiet, trying not to attract too much attention in case anyone would come inside, though it was hard for Santana to hold back her moans.

She told herself again and again it meant nothing, that it was just sex, but her anger let her know that was a lie. She had never felt this way and it scared her, the mixture of anger and desire so strong. The wish to be rough with someone and kiss them tenderly at the same time made no sense.

Their fingers moved fast inside each other, sweat beading on their foreheads. The stall was hardly romantic, too dirty and exposed, but the moment made its demands and neither woman could resist.

"I missed you" Brittany whispered into the brunette's ear and Santana shut her eyes.

"I said no talking" she ordered but her voice was much softer than before, the blonde's words having too much of an effect. She pumped her fingers in harder, to emphasize her point, saying what words couldn't.

She wanted to look away when Brittany came, didn't want to see the pleasure on her face, the expression she had loved so much, but she couldn't. The way she quietly moaned her name, the way her muscles were clenching around her hand, it was far too overwhelming and sent her over the edge herself.

She felt her body turn weak, needing to support herself against the blonde's body. She hated the way the other woman was protectively embracing her while she was regaining her power but she couldn't bring herself to push her away.

When she could, finally, she quickly stepped away, pulling up her underwear and straightening her dress.

She had to look away, couldn't meet her gaze. She knew right then that it had been a bad decision, that it wouldn't let her sleep better, not at all.

Santana quickly unlocked the door, attempting to leave without another word, but Brittany caught her arm before she could get out of the stall, forcing her to look at her.

"San... please... give me your number, tell me how I can reach you – _anything_."

She didn't miss the desperation in the other woman's words and somehow it hurt, but she couldn't. She just couldn't.

"I can't" she stated honestly. "I'm sorry."

She softly brushed the blonde's arm away, giving her a last apologetic look.

"Good bye, Brit."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

TBC

**Geez, this was all so dark and angsty... Hope it didn't get too much.**

**Thanks once again for the many nice reviews, also to those anonymous reviewers - wish I could reply to all of your comments as well! I appreciate all of them very very much! **


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Oh wow, now I let you wait so long and all you get is a filler chapter... boo me! And wow 2, once again my beta Steph saved my ass with her mad editing skills, I'm just far too busy and too tired lately to get any good writing done.**

**Well, I promise this will all lead to some hopefully more interesting stuff in the (near) future ;)**

**So I've been thinking a lot about what to do with the story and I decided I will not drag it out too long, it just wouldn't fit the story to suddenly start with too many sub-plots. I think you can expect around 3-5 more chapters after this one though :)**

**Chapter 10**

When Brittany stepped into her apartment she felt like showering. She had been willing to do anything so that the Latina would forgive her, but the longer she thought about it, the longer she let that certain feeling linger in her body and mind, the more she realized that even she had her limits. What had Santana been thinking? Was that really all she was to her? A sex tool?

She could still feel Santana's scent all over her and it was driving her nuts. Sure she had wanted this all along, had wanted to get another chance to kiss her, touch her, feel her - but she had also wanted forgiveness or maybe just _some_ kind of affection. Even if Santana couldn't forgive her, even if she felt like she couldn't see her anymore, Brittany had still hoped the brunette would at least have a few nice words left for her. Maybe just a friendly 'good bye and good luck'. But no, she had gotten less than she had asked for, she had gotten a rough good bye fuck in a dirty toilet stall that felt as if her body had been branded. She had almost expected Santana to have thrown dollar bills in her face as she left, as a final degrading gesture.

She closed her eyes in the shower, didn't move, let the hot water run down her back. She wasn't sure how long she had been standing there, it could have been ten minutes, could have been an hour - her mind was just blank. New feelings were starting to flow through her body, replacing the bitter sadness she had felt the past days. This new feeling was... acceptance. Yes, she was finally accepting that she'd have to be alone.

Brittany was thankful to have her daughter and wanted to try to make it work with her. This was all that should still matter to her. No one was going to love her, no one was going to be willing to put up with such a complicated situation and she was tired. She was tired of fighting, tired of hoping for something better and then being disappointed no one thought she was worth the fight, if no one tried looking beyond her job, if no one really cared enough at least to _try _to understand, then she'd finally give up and stop fooling herself.

She put on her bathrobe and walked into her bedroom, looking forward to a comfortable mattress and dreamless sleep. Turning on the lamp on her nightstand, Brittany's breath caught when she saw she wasn't alone.

The company in her bed looked a whole lot like herself and was staring at her with huge blue eyes and tousled hair, Brittany's blanket wrapped protectively around her small body.

"Hey baby, what are you doing here?" the blonde asked a little concerned, immediately sitting down next to the little girl and dragging her closer. She was wearing the pink nightgown again that they had made together, even though they had bought her brandnew pjs.

"Did you have a bad dream? Does Emma know you left your room?"

Abbey shook her head slowly and then let her head rest against her mother's arm. Brittany felt a rush of happiness warm her body. Her daughter's presence in her bed was the first ray of sunshine in a dark week and she was determined to enjoy the feeling.

"Sooo, I guess you're not sleep, huh?" she asked while glancing over at Winnie the Pooh who was wearing a pink shirt which matched Abbey's nightgown.

"Oh my god, did you make that honey?" Brittany asked cheerfully, grabbing the bear and examining it closely. She then spotted the missing pieces of fabric from the nightgown and had to grin.

"I hope Emma helped you with that, wouldn't want you to use scissors when no one's looking." Abbey nodded again, still smiling with pride.

"Looks absolutely awesome."

Abbey giggled and took the bear out of her mother's hands and hugged it to her chest. Brittany thought it was the cutest thing she had ever seen.

"Do you want me to bring you two back to bed?" the blonde asked softly and saw the smile fade from her daughter's lips. She looked down on Winnie's head, keeping quiet as always.

Brittany could tell her daughter missed her. Even if she weren't ready to speak yet, Abbey still needed her and it felt amazing. Brittany would do any to keep from disappointing her daughter.

"Oooor..." the blonde then started, taking Abbey's chin into her hand softly to make her look at her before playfully pecking her nose. "Or we could just make an exception and get some cocoa. Just you, me and Winnie. We'll have a little pajama party and watch Alice in Wonderland before we fall asleep together. What do you say?"

Brittany watched Abbey's face lighten, happiness shining through her eyes, and realized she needed Abbey as much as her daughter needed her. The small blonde nodded eagerly and jumped on her mother's lap.

"Great. Just give me a minute, I'll have to put on something pink!"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The next morning Brittany carefully climbed out of the king size bed, making sure not to wake the small blonde next to her who, with her sprawling arms and legs, took up at least half the mattress.

She met Emma in the hallway who was getting ready to leave. The redhead had the day off and was obviously looking forward to spending the night at home, judging by the happy smile on her lips.

"Brittany!" she exclaimed cheerfully, putting on her green coat and closing it with its huge dark green buttons. A matching cotton hat was sitting perfectly on her red and slightly wavy hair. "I bought bagels and some muffins and left them on the counter for you two. Do you have plans for today?"

Brittany did have plans. Last night had taught her that her daughter needed some alone-time with her mother again and she was more than willing to make the day nice for her, it was so rare that she had the day off.

"Oh, yeah, I thought I'd take Abbey out to this indoor playground today, you know? I loved them when I was her age. Maybe we'll still go to the movies later or something, if she's not too tired."

Emma nodded, smiling. "That sounds great, Brit. It's good if you two spend some time together, you have no idea how much Abbey misses you!"

"Did she tell you that?" the blonde suddenly exclaimed, hints of insecurity in her voice. Had Abbey opened up to Emma faster than she opened up to her?

"She didn't have to tell me with words" the nanny reassured her, probably sensing what the other woman was feeling. "But it's easy to see. She even refused to take a bath until I'd give her this rubber duck which I'm sure is yours?"

Brittany nodded with a proud smile. "His name's Mister Duckie. Just so you know for the future."

"Mister Duckie, all right, I guess I can remember that" Emma replied winking, carefully grabbing her bag and straightening her felt coat. "Give Abbey a kiss and a hug from me and enjoy your day okay? I'll be back by tomorrow evening then."

"All right. Take care, Emma" the blonde said friendly. "And thanks for the bagels and muffins". They both smiled before the redhead left the hallway.

Brittany immediately headed to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. It would be a special breakfast for a very special occasion.

She opened a few closets to search for some candles, surprised to see her spices in alphabetical order and her cleaning cloths sorted by size and color. Emma was probably the best nanny she could have hired.

When she finally found what she had been looking for, Brittany made sure to put some whipped cream on the muffins and stuck one small candle into each of the four pastries. She arranged them lovingly on the table, adding her most colorful looking tea cups and plates, along with jars of peanut butter and jam and a package of cream cheese.

Finally hearing small footsteps at the stairs, Brittany quickly lit the candles, anticipating Abbey who came through the door, rubbing her eyes and still looking a little drowsy.

The taller blonde ran over to the small girl and dragged her into an enthusiastic hug, twirling her around.

"A veeeery merry unbirthday" she told her with a huge grin and Abbey stared at her with widened eyes. Brittany knew her daughter loved that particular scene in the movie, especially the part when the mad hatter tried to repair the golden watch with jam and sugar, it always made her laugh hysterically.

A smile spread on the girl's lips when she spotted the table that looked as inviting as Alice's tea party.

"Make a wish!" Brittany suggested, hugging her daughter from behind and softly lifting her so she'd be tall enough to blow out the candles. Abbey hesitated.

"C'mon honey, it's your unbirthday, you know that's a special day, right? You can make a wish and maybe it will come true!"

The girl looked at her and shrugged, apparently having no idea what to wish for.

Brittany smiled at her before coming closer to whisper into the tiny blonde's ear.

"How about you wish for a huge ball pit? Or even better, a huge slide that ends right in a huge ball pit!"

Abbey's eyes widened at that idea and she seemed to consider her mother's idea before finally nodding again.

"Now blow them out, all at once!"

The girl took a very deep breath, puffing and blowing until the four small flames were extinguished.

"Wow, very good, all at once. Now it _has _to come true" Brittany grinned, ruffling her daughter's hair before handing her one of the chocolate muffins and pouring some cocoa into her tea cup.

"Eat sweetie, you'll need some energy today!"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

At first Santana snuggled into her blanket, yawned and dragged it closer to herself. She enjoyed the soft feel of it on her skin and the way her pillow smelled until the memories of the previous night slowly crawled back into her mind. Suddenly the warm bed felt less welcoming, leaving her with an uncomfortable ache in her stomach.

She struggled to remember her encounter with Brittany, trying to figure out how it had all happened and why it had ended so badly. She couldn't tell if she felt better now or worse after their time together.

She felt confused by her need to be with the blonde despite her fury toward Brittany. Even now, she couldn't put her feelings into words.

She knew what had happened between them, what _she_ had initiated, wasn't good, but it left her feeling empty rather than angry, though it all still hurt.

Santana tried to forget the look of sadness and pain on Brittany's face when she had turned away, how vulnerable she seemed.

She dragged the blanket over her head with a sigh. She felt terrible. Why did she feel so fucking bad?

She wondered if she had ended up hurting them both. No matter how hard she tried to convince herself that she had been the one who had been lied to, that Brittany had been solely in the wrong, she couldn't justify what she had done.

She knew in the past she had hurt others, left them feeling as if she had never cared, and had been able to walk away completely shed of all feeling, but this time was different. She had wanted to free herself from her desire for the blonde, but in the end all she had gotten was revenge and it felt like nothing like freedom or victory. She felt empty and if she were honest with herself, she knew nothing was finished between them.

Maybe the old Santana would have been satisfied that she had made her point – that she was still Santana Fucking Lopez and it had all been about sex and nothing else. But it wasn't true. She had acted much has she always had, but this time it all felt like a lie and she couldn't rid herself of the guilt for having been so cruel.

A look at her alarm clock told her it was time to get up, time to get through another unsatisfying day of work, so she finally got out of bed and got dressed, letting out an annoyed groan.

It was a cold day, even though it was summer. Santana dressed in one of her typical grey hoodies she used to put on for work, in combination with a red basecap. On the one hand because it was handy for work, comfortable and easier to drive with, on the other hand because no one would recognize her that easily in such an outfit, considering she usually dressed in a very feminine style.

When she finally arrived at work, she looked through the letters and parcels she'd have to deliver, examining the list with the addresses. Her eyes were skimming through the list when a particular name caught her attention and she had to close her eyes for a second in dismay.

'_Great'_ she thought. '_This is just fucking great_'. Of course something like this would have to happen at some point, of course one day she'd have to face people she knew, but why today? She really wasn't in the mood to be confronted. Had she not needed the job so desperately, she would have quit on the spot to avoid the embarrassment.

She wondered if she could ask one of her colleagues to take over for her, just this one time, but she figured no one would be willing to do that for her and drive across town because Santana didn't feel like facing another ex. On top of that, not bothering to make friends with her co-workers meant no one would be inclined to do her a favor.

Santana sighed and rolled her eyes at her own pitiful self, deciding she would just do it. It was yet another point on the long list of things she'd get over, so she stuffed all of the letters into her red backpack and climbed on her bike, putting her headphones on and turning up the volume. Maybe some old loud Rihanna songs would distract her on the way.

When she finally arrived at the address she'd been dreading, she suddenly had to realize that she didn't care as much as she had thought. This was just another woman she had dated, just another woman she'd gone through an ugly breakup with. Sure, while the chick was still living a fancy lifestyle she herself was wearing a hoodie and delivering letters on her bike - but she'd be dignified and just ring the bell and smile and get it over with. At least she was hot and had her whole life ahead of her. At least she didn't have to worry about menopause.

Holding the huge envelope in front of herself, the Latina waited for the door to open, trying to keep a strict and professional face. Still, her face fell the second she saw the other woman in the doorway.

The blonde woman greeted her with a smile, then took a closer look at the figure in front of her and started smirking. Santana immediately felt like wiping that smirk off the older woman's face.

"Santana?" she asked grinning, quite dismissively looking up and down the Latina's body. "Oh look at you... what a cute basecap!"

The brunette felt herself grip the envelope harder, her knuckles turning white.

Terri was one of these women who already looked perfect in the morning, as if she had just stepped out of a coffee commercial. One of those commercials where the guy prepares breakfast and wants to wake his wife with fresh and awesome smelling coffee and the woman opens her eyes, wearing flawless makeup and hair that looks salon perfect.

To make it all worse she pretty much looked like a retired Victoria Secret model, dressed in a light purple satin robe which was far too revealing. Her well-formed breasts were clearly visible, a dark red lace bra peeking out.

"Will you sign this please...?" Santana just asked, handing her the envelope and a black clipboard with the form that required the woman's signature.

"Who is it, honey?" she heard a raspy female voice in the background and the Latina just rolled her eyes once more. Of course she'd have company. Of course she'd rub her new girlfriend in her face.

A woman appeared next to Terri in the doorway and wrapped an arm around her waist. She was much older than Santana, probably even older than Terri, and her breath smelled like alcohol. At fucking 9 a.m. in the morning. The Latina made a slightly disgusted face.

"Oh, it's just the delivery girl" the woman said grinning. "The delivery girl who also happens to be an old... _friend._" She emphasized the last word with a superior grin. "It's Santana, I think I've told you about her. Santana – April. April – Santana" she introduced the two women, her eyes quickly glancing between them.

"Oh is that the little whore who spent all your money?" April wanted to know nonchalantly, talking about Santana as if she weren't standing right in front of them.

"Yes, looks like she finally found a way to earn her own money..." Terri concluded, smiling at her girlfriend with evil sarcasm in her voice. "Poor girl, was no one willing to take you in anymore?"

"She's not getting younger either, at some point fucking for a roof over your head isn't an option anymore..." April commented aloud and Santana tried her best not to slash her with some vicious words of her own. She couldn't get too emotionally involved again. Being emotional at work just led to one thing – being fired.

"Just sign it, I don't have all day..." she repeated angrily, pushing the clipboard against Terri's barely covered chest.

"Sure, sweetheart, me neither, April and I were just getting ready for a nice shopping trip" she explained, signing the form and handing it back to the Latina. "You enjoy your day, Sannie. Though you might consider pedaling a little faster, I heard it's gonna rain pretty heavily today and I guess it must be hard to ride with an umbrella on that cute little bike of yours..."

Santana squeezed her eyes shut, trying to ignore the woman's attitude and not let it get to her.

"I'll get going. Good bye, Terri..." she mumbled, stuffing the chart into her bag again. "Have a great life with the old boozehound."

She jumped back onto her bike without looking back and turned on her music again. Riding along the streets of New York City she realized the women's words didn't really leave her mind.

Whore. Of course. It wasn't the first time she'd been called that. It was a term often used to dismiss women – but it resonated differently this time.

Was there actually some truth to the word in her case? Was fucking for a roof any different than fucking for money? She figured you couldn't compare it like that. Terri and Shelby and all of the others had been women who she had _chosen_ to sleep with, women whom she basically dated.

Still - had she ever wanted more of these women than their money? Had she ever truly cared? Would they have let her stay with them if she hadn't gone down on them every night, whether she wanted to or not, just to make sure she was keeping them happy and entertained, making them dependent on her youth and sexual skills?

Santana suddenly felt sick. Maybe she shouldn't have judged as harshly as she did? Was she just a hypocrite?

In her defense, she had been desperate, she hadn't known what to do with her life, it had all seemed easy and logical... but what had Brittany's motives been? She realized she'd never bothered asking or thinking about it.

Santana felt confused, only a honking horn, preceding the screeching brakes of a car coming to a full stop inches from her bike broke her from her thoughts.

"Watch where you're going girly" an angry looking business man in a suit shouted out of the window of his silver BMW, waving his hands in the air and flipping her off.

Santana didn't bother defending herself anymore.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Spending the day with Abbey had been wonderful and Brittany couldn't make herself get out of the car after pulling into the driveway, reluctant for it to end.

She had loved watching her daughter at the playground, she had loved sharing icecream with her, she had loved the silly 3D movie they had watched together at the cinema. Abbey had looked adorable with the huge glasses so that after the film, Brit had decided to take her daughter to a photo booth. They had taken tons of adorable pictures with 3D glasses, making faces while she bounced the little girl on her lap, making them both laugh.

It was late in the evening and Abbey was sound asleep on the backseat while her mother looked at the pictures once more, carefully running her thumb along the image of the two blondes who seemed to be so happy together. Like a family.

She turned her head around to examine her sleeping daughter and it made her feel calm and satisfied to see her rest so peacefully, her pillow hugged in front of her chest. There was no denying, Abbey was a true joy in her life. She may not have been the best mother up to this point, but that was going to change. Abbey was still young. It wasn't too late.

Brittany got out of the car and opened the door in the back as quietly as possible, not wanting to wake the little girl. She carefully opened her seatbelt and lifted her up, embracing her so that Abbey could let her head rest on her mother's shoulder.

Trying to close the door just as quietly, Brittany fumbled for the keys to her front door, realizing most things were a little more difficult when carrying a small child in your arms. Giving the car door a small push with her hip, she sighed when she accidentaly dropped the bunch of keys and it landed on the grass in her frontyard.

"Wait, let me help."

The familiar voice made her blood freeze and she was just glad she didn't drop her daughter.

She hadn't seen Santana sitting on her doorstep, she'd been too busy enjoying the afterglow of this day with her daughter to notice. Suddenly, the brunette was all she could see.

Brittany noticed Santana wasn't dressed up, her outfit was casual and she barely wore any makeup. She was just standing there, staring right back at her, looking much less angry than the night before, almost a little bit shy.

She wanted to hug the Latina, but she knew that would be a mistake. Stroking Abbey's head, Britany reminded herself that her daughter was the only real thing in her life, the only thing she wanted to do right, the only thing worth fighting for. A child who could love her just as she was, someone to care for who wouldn't judge her. She was all that mattered.

"I want to talk to you..." Santana said, moving toward Brittany. Her brown eyes searched the blonde's for permission.

"I think you already said enough..." Brittany replied in a tight , yet calm voice. She looked Santana in the eye, trying not to let this vulnerable feeling from the previous night crawl back into her bones. She needed to be stronger than that.

"I realized what happened in the bar was a mistake..." Santana just went on, looking at her sincerely.

"What do you mean? The night you met me or the night you decided to use me?"

There was some sadness but also some bitterness in Brittany's voice, yet she tried to talk quietly, not wanting Abbey to wake up. She absent-mindedly started stroking her child's hair, happy to have found something to do with her hands that'd distract herself from the brunette's piercing looks.

"It wasn't like that, Brittany, I -" Santana tried to defend herself, her words barely more than a whisper, but the blonde interrupted her. She herself stepped a little closer to the Latina and looked at her again, speaking slowly to emphasize her point.

"I know what it was like. I do. And it's okay, Santana. It really is."

She took a deep breath while Santana just stared at her as if she didn't understand what exactly was going on.

"I know you couldn't forgive me and I know you felt like you needed to punish me. You punished me by giving me no chance to explain myself to you, punished me by just cutting me out of your life and then punished me by doing what you figured would hurt me most, by showing me that I'm only good for sex and nothing else. And I got the message. Loud and clear."

Her tone wasn't really angry, it wasn't even sad, it was as if Brittany were trying to push down any potentially upcoming emotion. Santana looked stunned and a little helpless.

"I guess we should maybe talk inside and not have that conversation with your daughter in your arms..." she tried to suggest.

"I guess we shouldn't be having that conversation at all" was Brittany's immediate reply, stroking Abbey's back.

"What do you mean?" the confused Latina slowly asked, apparently not sure she really wanted to know the answer.

Brittany let out a deep sigh, breathing out heavily to regain some power. It didn't matter what she wanted in that moment, what she always wanted as soon as she saw the beautiful brunette in front of her. She couldn't go back. She needed not to.

"I mean that we're not good for each other" the blonde explained and Santana's eyes widened at her words.

"I shouldn't have expected you to understand. I know it was a lot to ask of you."

"But you never even asked..."

"You gave me no chance!" Brittany concluded a little louder than intended. "I just think it's better if we don't see each other again. I don't think I can do it."

The sadness was back in her voice, even though she had done such a good job at hiding it until then.

"I have a lot to worry about already, San - and a lot to feel guilty about. I can't spend all my energy on wondering if I'm ruining someone else's life, wondering if you're disgusted by me. I'd rather be on my own."

Admitting these things to Santana felt final and it hurt but it was the truth. She couldn't do this anymore, it was too painful.

"Brit..."

"Don't, Santana" the blonde interrupted the other woman who was beginning to sound desperate.

"If you think about it, if you _really _think about it and look at the obvious facts, you so know that I'm right."

The two women looked at each other in silence and a small, yet sad smile was forming on Brittany's lips, her eyes blinking away the tears that were so close to falling again. She stepped a little closer and let one hand rest on the Latina's arm. She thought she could see Santana's eyes fall close at the small contact but she chose to look away.

"It was really nice knowing you, Santana. It really was" she told the other woman sincerely.

"I had an amazing time with you before reality let us hit the ground and I am sure in another life you and I could work perfectly... but not in this one."

She tried to smile once more, enjoying the feel of Santana's skin on her palm for a few last moments.

"I'm sorry it had to turn out this way." She swallowed hard, the lump in her throat unbearably thick.

"Take good care of yourself, okay?" she added in a whisper and Santana still couldn't do more than stare at her, speechless.

Abbey was slowly waking up, raising her head from Brittany's shoulders and looking around confused. As she was letting out a full-hearted yawn, her mother affectionately stroked the small girl's cheek, kissing her forehead.

"Shhh honey, go back to sleep, okay? We're home now. I'll put you to bed."

"I'm sorry" was all Santana managed to say, looking almost like a little child herself.

Brittany just nodded.

"Me too."

xxxx

Watching the blonde step into her house, many things suddenly seemed so much clearer to Santana. Seeing this beautiful woman standing there with her child, being so tender with her, so caring, so _normal,_ she realized she had never bothered looking behind all of it, never bothered wondering what might have driven someone as gorgeous as Brittany into such a job.

She hadn't wondered what it must be like for her to do this, how broken she probably felt inside, how alone she had most likely been in those past years. All she had felt was her own anger for being betrayed and it had blinded her.

Even in the darkness of the night, Santana had finally seen the light.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

TBC

**Comments are as always appreciated! Also thanks again to the many nice anonymous reviewers!**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: I tried to hurry with this chapter so you get this update a little earlier than planned. I might not have so much time to write next week so chapter 12 could take a bit longer again...**

**Thanks as always to everyone who's still reading and to Steph who had to beta this chapter TWICE :P so double thanks.**

**Chapter 11**

Santana stirred the cereal in her bowl. She wasn't hungry so she watched the Kellogs turn all soft and mushy before finally emptying them in the toilet. Brittany had rejected her. She had wanted to make a move, wanted to talk but she had given her no chance. She knew she probably deserved it but it made her day even more hopeless.

She sighed, turning on the television to watch some random cooking show. She thought about calling Quinn and asking her for some girl time but it was a Sunday so she'd be having her own private cooking show with Sam, Mercedes and Matt in the evening. She knew Quinn would ask her to join them if she told her she felt bad but the last thing Santana needed was a reminder of how all of her friends were in happy and healthy relationships.

She sighed and turned the tv off again, feeling frustrated. Just when she was about to take an early afternoon nap she felt her phone vibrating. For a second she hoped Brittany might be calling her but then she remembered she hadn't even given her her new number. Why had she broken her old SIM card? She was no teenager anymore.

Santana looked at the display and saw the picture of Quinn smiling back at her. She frowned before pushing the green button.

"Are you psychic?" she asked into the speaker, raising one eyebrow.

"Huh?" came the blonde's reply. "Um, I guess not. Hey."

"Hey." Santana replied. "What's up? Aren't you at work?"

"Actually I am" Quinn told her. "That's why I'm calling..."

"You have a job for me?" Santana asked hopefully, though she wasn't sure what position she could possibly take in a hospital without any sufficient education. Maybe as a cleaning lady.

"No, I wish..." the blonde replied slowly. "Listen, I guess I shouldn't even be doing that but... um..."

"What is it?" Santana wanted to know, confused by her friend's concerned tone.

"Don't hate me but... you know who came in today? I mean, as a patient?"

Santana's mind was working fast, the worst scenarios displaying in her head. It couldn't be Brittany, could it? Quinn didn't even know her.

"Who?" she asked, preparing for the worst.

Quinn sighed. "Rachel. Rachel St. James."

"Um.." Now Santana really was confused. What did that have to do with her?

"I know you don't like her and I know you two pretty much hate each other, but I don't know what to do. She's in my ward and she's a mess. She got hit by a car... it's nothing entirely serious, I mean, she's more or less fine, but.."

"Wait.." Santana interrupted her. "You're an obstrics nurse, why would she be at your ward when she had an accident?"

Quinn was quiet for a moment.

"Isn't it obvious...?" she asked after a while, apparently not wanting to say it out loud.

"Oh geez, she's pregnant?" Santana blurted out surprised. "For real?"

"I mean, I'm not even supposed to talk about it, have to be discrete and all, but she insists that I don't call her husband and her mother is out of town, so I don't know what to do. I can't sit on her bedside all of the time and you're the only person I know who knows her as well. And.. you said you two kind of bonded the other night?"

"I wouldn't call it bonding!" Santana insisted right away but as much as she had disliked Rachel, she wouldn't wish getting hit by a car on her or anyone else]. She sighed.

"I'll be right there..."

"Thanks, San, really." Quinn said sincerely. "You know where to find me."

"Sure. See you soon."

The call disconnected and Santana immediately left the room to head for the hospital. She hated hospitals, though Quinn's ward was usually a happy place. Not that she actually thought about having own children, not yet at least, but she guessed no woman could spend too much time in these pink and light blue hallways with stork pictures on the wall without feeling at least a _little _bit of mother instinct kicking in.

But now she was going to visit Rachel? How exactly did that happen? And why had the brunette not told her anything the other night?

She hugged Quinn when she saw her, wishing the two of them would see each other more often. She had wanted to talk to her about Brittany but there had never been the right time, especially with Sam being constantly around.

"So where is she?"

Quinn just pointed at a door.

"I think she just needs someone around. Maybe you can talk some sense into her so she finally calls Jesse..."

"I hate Jesse." Santana clarified but Quinn just gave her that look which left no room for arguing.

"Fine, fine, I'll see what I can do..."

The Latina carefully knocked at the door, opening it slightly when no one answered.

"Rachel?" she whispered, looking over to the brunette who was connected to an IV drip, staring at the wall. "Can I come in?"

Rachel didn't even bother looking at her so Santana just walked inside, grabbing one of the heavy wooden chairs to put it next to the other woman's bed. She sat down.

"Geez, Rachel... what happened?" she wanted to know, surprised that she actually felt concerned.

"What are you doing here Santana, you don't even like me..." Rachel sniffled, her swollen eyes still fixed on the wall.

"Oh well, I guess I owe you after having puked on your mom's carpet the other night..."

Rachel's head immediately turned around and she stared at Santana with widened eyes.

"You did _what?"_

Santana had to grin. "Oh look, you're still your old self, good to know. Don't worry, I didn't puke."

Rachel breathed out in relief. "Thank god."

"Shelby still on her wellness trip?" the Latina queried, wondering if that was just what women did when they were rich and Shelby's age. It made her feel a little jealous.

"She's on a cruise" Rachel said in a numb voice. "Europe."

For a second Santana wondered if she'd be on that cruise, too if Shelby hadn't broken up with her. She always wanted to see Rome. She shook the thought off.

"What about Jesse?"

"What about him?" Rachel hissed, dragging the white blanket over her body.

"Well, he's your husband, don't you want him to know you're here?"

Rachel didn't say anything.

Santana just shrugged, leaning back in her chair and turning on the tv. If Rachel didn't wanna talk she'd at least keep herself entertained and do her duty until Quinn would let her go again.

They both stared at some old re-runs of MTV's 'Date My Mom' until Santana realized the irony of the moment and turned it off again.

"I'm pregnant" Rachel suddenly said and Santana gave her a sympathetic look.

"That's what I thought... Is it Jesse's?"

"Oh my god who else would be the father?" Rachel asked offended and the Latina just raised her hands apologetically.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what you might be doing when he's not at home..."

"I wouldn't cheat." Rachel stated matter-of-factly and turned around again to stare at the ceiling.

"Mind if I eat that?" Santana asked, looking at the other woman's breakfast leftovers. Not eating her cereal hadn't been the best idea, she was starving.

"Sure, whatever."

Santana grabbed the cherry yoghurt and started eating, eyeing the other woman closely.

"Does he even know?" she asked, the spoon still in her mouth.

"He doesn't. He's been treateing me like shit lately so I just didn't want him to know until, ... well, until I did feel like telling him."

Santana turned quiet for a moment.

"You know, Rachel..." she started after a while. "I know it must sound weird coming from me, but it's really the best to be honest with the people you care for. You could have lost the baby today. Imagine what it would have been like if he had found out about like _that. _He has a right to know. Maybe he wants to make it work with you, maybe he just doesn't know how to show it. Maybe he's scared of something. Maybe he just needs to figure things out. Sometimes people may seem distant even though they wanna be with you, but that doesn't mean you should lie to them."

"Are we still talking about Jesse?" Rachel asked frowning and Santana couldn't help but blush.

"Who else would we be talking about?"

"Nevermind" Rachel replied, turning to face Santana again.

"So have you talked to her again?"

"This isn't about me." Santana wanted to stop the other woman before she could start confusing her with a topic she wanted to forget.

Rachel sighed.

"You know, I'd forgive Jesse if he were a gigolo. I'd forgive him if it meant he'd actually look at me again as if he desired me, as if he could be truly happy with me. Hell, he could be a porn star and I wouldn't mind, if only he still loved me."

Santana almost had to laugh.

"Sorry, Rachel, but I doubt it. No offense."

"Anyway" the brunette replied, rolling her eyes. "Have you forgiven her yet?"

Santana thought about it for a moment, biting her lower lip.

"I...I don't know. Maybe."

"Then do something, fight for her!" Rachel exclaimed as if it was obvious.

Santana just shook her head.

"Rachel St. James...I didn't think you'd ever defend a hooker..."

Rachel started coughing, looking away.

"Are you okay?" the Latina queried, sensing something was odd. "Oh c'mon, what are you not telling me? Have you worked as a phone sex operator or something?"

The brunette shook her head.

"Then what?"

The other woman gave her a meaningful look. "Promise you won't tell..."

Santana just raised an eyebrow. "Oh c'mon, who would I be telling, it's not like you're _that _interesting."

Rachel looked at her a little offended but went on anyway.

"Jesse and I ... we... kind of... " she cleared her throat. ".. we kind of hired a call-girl once? For a ... threesome?"

"Holy shit." was the only thing Santana managed to say. "Um... and how was it?"

"It wasn't bad" Rachel said, shrugging. "She was really pretty... and she knew what she was doing..."

Santana stared at her a little longer. She had really underestimated Rachel. She wouldn't admit it out loud but she almost felt like she could like her... if she weren't the daughter of her crazy ex.

"Well, mine was really pretty as well..." Santana finally said, realizing how silly it sounded but it was true. Brittany was gorgeous and adorable and she could only imagine what a great mother she was, judging by the few minutes she had seen her together with Abbey.

"Well, then you know what you have to do" Rachel concluded, smiling at her.

"Will you call Jesse?" Santana asked, challenging her but smiling as well.

Rachel reached out her hand for Santana to shake it.

"Deal." she said, sighing.

Santana took Rachel's hand in hers. "Deal."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Brittany felt tired when Dave dropped her off at the hotel. It was another one of those nights where she didn't feel sexy at all. It was a date set up on short notice, the kind she hated because she didn't have much time to prepare herself. Usually clients booked her several days in advance because the blonde was quite popluar, yet sometimes Artie would stuff in some spontaneous dates when the client was willing to pay extra.

She wasn't nervous before these dates, nothing was really surprising her anymore. The middle-aged rich guys bored her, she'd just put on her seductive smile and get over whatever kinky thing they had planned for the night that their wife at home wasn't willing to do with them. Sometimes she was lucky and they'd take her out to dinner first, which would omit take at least half of their paid time together, but these simple hotel dates mainly consisted of sex and nothing else.

Brittany straightened her dress before knocking at the door, keeping her reviews and ratings in mind. She'd try to do better, try to get back to her old professional self and please the client as well as she usually did. As much as the past weeks had dragged her down, she would have to get past this and be good at her job again. Confronting a client with her emotional numbness wasn't an option, money was important - especially now. Now she had a bigger goal for all of it. She'd save a big part of it for her daughter's college education. She'd buy her a car when she was old enough, buy Abbey a condo as soon as she needed one. It would be worth it, at least it wasn't all for nothing.

A few moments passed and still no one had opened the door. Brittany frowned and knocked again, a little more firmly this time.

When the door finally swung open, Brittany couldn't see anyone. She looked into the empty hotel room, carefully stepping inside.

"Um... hello?" she asked slowly when she felt a figure behind her who had apparently been hiding behind the door until Brittany was in the room. The door closed and the blonde turned around, her jaw dropping.

Santana was standing in front of her, supporting herself against the door as if she were trying to make sure the blonde wouldn't run out. She looked vulnerable, her eyes nervously glancing around. She opened her mouth to say something but no words came out, so she bit her lower lip, breaking their gaze and looking down to her feet.

Brittany shook her head, feeling a sudden wave of rage run through her. Was she kidding her? Had she actually booked her for sex now? She thought they had said everything that needed to be said, she thought Santana would have understood that what had happened in that bathroom had been hurtful and degrading, but _this? _This was the cherry on top, no doubt about that.

"Is this some kind of joke?" she blurted out, staring at the other woman questioningly.

"Don't you think you already punished me enough? Seriously Santana, even I have my limits and this is too much, I'm leaving!"

She walked towards the door with fast steps, trying to push the Latina aside, but Santana grabbed her arm in a tight grip.

"Hey, wait. You can't..." Santana said in a shaky voice. She cleared her throat.

"You can't leave... I paid so you have to stay."

Brittany closed her eyes for a second, swallowing hard. This had to be a fucking joke.

They were standing so close to each other, both pressed against the door and Brittany tried her best to avoid Santana's eyes. Was she actually going to do this? A few minutes ago she had been telling herself that she needed to be better with her clients again, that she couldn't disappoint Artie anymore if she wanted to keep her very well-paid job - and now? Was she going to have sex for money with a woman who actually meant something to her? Could he put herself through such emotional torture?

Brittany sighed and looked the other woman in the eye, biting the inside of her cheek to stay calm.

"Okay then..." she breathed out, their faces only inches apart.

"So what is it that you want, Miss? I have a wide range of talents" she hissed angrily. "Roleplay? Handcuffs? Spanking? Up against the wall again? You certainly seemed to enjoy that.."

The look Brittany gave the other woman was defiant. Santana stared at her, looking intimidated. Maybe she would back out. Maybe this would be over in a minute.

"I'm not here for sex..." Santana whispered, still holding Brittany's arm but loosening her grip.

"Then what are you here for?" Brittany wanted to know. She could smell Santana's perfume and it was driving her insane, she didn't want to have that scent on her anymore, it was too painful, brought back too many memories.

"Honesty" Santana finally replied after a few long seconds. "I want honesty."

Brittany was confused.

"I think you already know everything. If it hasn't been clear to you - this is my job, this is what I do. I get the call and here I am, ready to do what I'm told. _Disgusting_, isn't it?"

All the emotions were back. It didn't matter how much time had passed since they had seen each other, it didn't matter how many times she'd old herself it was over], it was all still there. Even the hurtful memories of Santana's reaction the night she had found out the truth, her look of disgust, the pure resentment.

"Brit... please sit down" Santana said softly, motioning towards the bed.

Brittany gave in with a sigh, doing as she was told. Brushing some strands of hair out of her face she realized how hot she felt, this room was suffocating.

Santana sat down next to her and Brittany was thankful that she left some distance between them.

"I mean it, Brit... I'm here because I want to know, okay? I want to know everything. I want to know you. I want to know all of it."

Her brown eyes were searching Brittany's who didn't really know what to do with that information. She wasn't prepared for this, not at all. She had accepted that their relationship couldn't work out, why was Santana mixing her up again? Why did that woman have such an effect on her? Only a few minutes in the same room with her and Brittany already felt like throwing all of her resolutions out of the window - especially when she was looking at her like _that. _And damn, she was beautiful.

"I can't deny that I was angry when I found out and it sure as hell hurt that you lied to me, but I never gave you a chance to let me in, so... I'm here now. I wanna be let in."

There was a sad little smile on Santana's lips. Brittany could tell she was nervous as hell. Where had she even gotten the money? She had to pay the agency's fee in advance and a night with Brittany was expensive. Had she actually paid that much just to talk to her?

Brittany sighed, her features softening a little.

"You could just have called, you know? It would have been a lot cheaper..."

"I was afraid you'd hang up on me..." the Latina admitted. "I figured this was the only way I'd get your full attention."

Santana had a point.

"Okay... so... what do you wanna know?"

"I don't know... everything. How did this all start? What did you do before? What got you into this business?"

There was so much insecurity in the way Santana acted, Brittany almost felt like comforting her. She could tell the other woman was trying to be careful, not wanting to say the wrong thing. Did she really want to hear it all?

"Are you sure you want to know? Cause... well, it's all pretty messed up."

Brittany had to laugh, somehow the situation was absurd. Was there actually a chance that Santana wanted to understand?

'_Don't get your hopes up, just don't' _she mentally kicked herself. Maybe the other woman just needed this final explanation to get over her? To remind herself why it was complicated and fucked up?

She crawled a bit further onto the mattress, patting the spot next to her so Santana would lie down beside her. She herself was lying on her back, staring at the ceiling, suddenly feeling nervous.

"I grew up in Brooklyn..." she started, somehow afraid of this trip down memory lane.

"We never had much money. My dad was an alcoholic, so he stopped working at some point. It depressed him I guess, so he took his anger out on my mom..."

Santana was eyeing the blonde closely and Brittany realized how different their childhoods must have been. There was no rich daddy in her story who ran some succesful company.

"So... I don't wanna blame it all on them, but I always had to look out for myself. I tried my best to get through high school, but I had trouble focusing. I wasn't unpopular, I even was a cheerleader because working out distracted me... but yeah, school was confusing for me. My parents weren't exactly in a good place to help me with my homework and I had no motivation to study, even though I always wanted to be different than them. I tried to listen to what the teachers said in class but somehow my thoughts always drifted off and I was somewhere else, just not where I was supposed to be..."

Santana nodded slowly, waiting for the blonde to continue.

"I never graduated. I was held back twice and just gave up then. I had this naive dream of becoming a dancer because it used to help me deal with stuff, to let out some tension..."

"Did you ever try?" Santana asked.

"I couldn't afford dancing classes, most stuff I tried teaching myself until I found a small group of dancers to hang out with. I wouldn't have known where to start actually, I guess I just hoped if I worked hard enough, maybe someone would notice me. I didn't have a plan..." She shrugged.

"One day I met Puck, he was working at a gym in Brooklyn..."

"Who's Puck?" Santana wanted to know until she remembered the situation with the police. "Wait, Noah, right? Puckerman? That's what the officer said."

"Yeah, Noah" Brittany clarified. "We often met at the gym and soon started an affair. We've never been official but he let me stay at his place when it got too much for me at home. I was thankful to have a place I could escape to."

"Did you love him?" the Latina queried, eyeing Brittany closely.

Brittany glanced over to her, not really knowing how to answer.

"I guess for a while I loved him just for being there... He was a bad boy, often in trouble, but I didn't know any better." She shrugged again. "But I knew I didn't wanna spend the rest of my life with him... I knew that even before I caught him in bed with another girl. So yeah, I packed my stuff and left, ready never to come back. I didn't know that I was already pregnant at that point..."

"How did he react when you told him?"

The blonde chuckled sarcastically. "I didn't tell him..."

"Oh wow..." Santana replied, frowning. "What happened then?"

"Well, naive as I was I had decided I could look out for myself. Even before I knew about Abbey I had talked to my friend Tina who used to dance with me and my friend Mike in our little crew... She was starting her own... well..._business_ and offered me a job. She promised me good and easy money..."

Santana cleared her throat. "I guess I see where this is going..."

"Yeah" Brittany sighed. "It all happened pretty fast actually. I was desperate, I had literally _no _idea what to do with myself. My dad's condition was getting worse and my mother was too busy taking care of him to be able to take care of another person. Puck was gone and I had nothing, not even a diploma. It seemed so simple. Guys had often told me I was... well... good."

She looked back at the ceiling, feeling embarrassed. She had never talked to anyone about this, not even to Dave. She felt naked, even though she was fully dressed.

"How was it... the... uh... first time?" Santana stammered awkwardly.

"It was awful" Brittany admitted right away. "I had no idea what I was doing... Tina and one of her friends had rented an apartment out of which they ran the whole operation. There were only three rooms, one for each of us. When the men arrived in their cars they watched them out of the window before letting them in, judging whether they looked dangerous or not... If they did, they just wouldn't open the door. At first I just sat there and watched... Watched the men come inside, watched one of the girls lead them into the room and collect the money, giving them some time to get comfortable before the door was finally closed and they didn't come out for half an hour or so. After they had finished, Tina or the other girl would just sit down next to me on the couch, popping in a stick of chewing gum as if nothing had happened... I remember how terrified I was and they were just acting as if it were no big deal. Told me I'd get used to it..."

Santana just stared at her, stunned. Brittany knew it must be a lot to take in.

"After a while they asked me if I was ready for the next guy who'd come in. I wasn't and I told them so... But they told me I'd have to do it at some point if I wanted to make some money... So..." Brittany sighed, all these memories making her feel weird.

"One day I made myself go through with it... they introduced me to this man, told him I was the new girl and asked if he wanted to try it with me, told him he should be gentle since it was my first time with a client. I remember how he looked at me, how he gave me the once over, how turned on he got. I don't think I ever felt more disgusted in my life. Of course he agreed and... yeah. That's how it all started."

"It sounds... awful" was the only thing Santana managed to say and Brittany nodded.

"I remember Tina whispering into my ear before I went into the room. She told me I should just imagine he was my boyfriend." She laughed bitterly.

"The guy went right to business... I remember how stunned I was. I had no idea what to do and it felt as if I were outside of my own body, watching myself. He did what he wanted and I just let him, telling myself that it would be over soon. I wanted to scream and push him away but I kept quiet, closed my eyes. Tried to imagine I was in a different place, tried to make up some fantasy scenario... Now I know how to do that, but back then? It was almost impossible."

Talking about this was something Brittany had never experienced before, all of these feelings were suddenly back, feelings she had been pushing down for so long.

"When he was finished I watched him get dressed. He told me I was great and that he hoped it was for me too. I remember how I tried to force a smile and nodded. How I thought that this was the first and very last time I'd ever be doing this..."

Her voice was shaking and she turned to look at Santana with teary eyes.

"And look where I am now, almost five years later..."

She brushed a tear away from the corner of her eye. Why was this getting to her so much? It had been such a long time ago. So much had happened.

"It's strange that at some point I accepted this was my destiny. I soon started to appreciate the money I earned. It was easy. I only had to put myself through an hour of hell to get rewarded with more money than I had ever earned. It was so fucking easy to get dependent on it. I had thought about taking a normal job, but why put yourself through eight hours of work when you could make the same money in only one hour?"

Santana nodded slowly. "Well... I guess it's easy to be blinded by all this..."

Brittany smiled sadly. "It is. I was so blinded that I gave up my own daughter. I already hated myself enough at that point to know I'd never be good for Abbey. Only a few months in the business had changed me, my whole personality. I was stuck so much faster than I had expected and I saw no way out. How could I take care of a child? There was just no possibility. I guess I can be thankful that Puck even took her. I still don't understand why he did it. I guess he's a good guy at heart, I don't know..."

Santana reached out for Brittany's hand, taking it into her own and stroking it softly.

"I can't even imagine what it must have felt like... to make that decision."

Brittany enjoyed the feeling of Santana's hand against her own, it felt warm and comforting. As painful as it was to talk about this, it was a relief.

"I tried to push down all of these feelings. My work had taught me a lot about ignoring my emotions, so I tried to deal with it the same way. I visited her sometimes but I couldn't even bring myself to see her more often than for the occasional Christmas and birthday visits. It hurt to see how much she'd grown up in the months I hadn't seen her. I just sent Noah money every month, more money than he needed, just trying to assuage my guilt. I put all my focus on my work and as weird as it sounds... I got good at what I was doing. It was easy for me to figure these men out, I quickly knew what they wanted and it didn't take long for me to get a good reputation. At some point I found my agency and stopped working for Tina - and the money I make here? Well, I guess I don't need to tell you..."

"No, you don't..." Santana agreed. She had been embarrassed, but she ended up asking Quinn for some cash in order to pay for the night. Of course she hadn't told her what it was for.

Brittany looked back at the ceiling, trying to reflect her life. It was something she rarely did.

"You know... I think sex is a choice. For some it's just fun, for some it's an obsession, some use it to express love or anger. I use it to make money."

Santana nodded again, taking in the blonde's words. It was a lot to process.

"Did they ever... um... did you... I mean... when you were with them... did it ever mean more?" Santana stuttered. "Like... is it always terrible or... do you also..."

"You wanna know if I get off?" Brittany asked straight forward, looking at her again.

Santana was blushing. "Yeah... I guess that's what I'm asking."

Brittany smiled sadly, moving a little closer to the other woman, squeezing her hand.

"No..."

The room was silent and they were just looking at each other for a moment.

"Actually you've been the first one who... well." She cleared her throat. "The first one in a very long time."

Santana couldn't help but smile.

"Sex becomes different for an escort" Brittany explained. "It becomes meaningless, an act. And at some point you get so used to drifting off while you do it that you forget how good it can feel when it's with someone you truly desire..."

She looked her straight in the eye when she spoke, hoping Santana would understand her point.

"So much about it is an act. Your name, the whole personality you're playing that night. At first it was confusing to see clients on a regular because I never knew what story I had told them on a previous visit. Was I a waitress, a dancer? I could never remember. Sometimes they requested certain roles beforehand... the stepdaughter coming home from school, the scared woman who knows someone's outside watching her... they come up with the weirdest things. Some want you to hit them, but that's something I can barely bring myself to do, even if I hate most of these men..."

"Brit?" Santana suddenly asked, sitting up and looking at her.

"Hm?"

"Since I am technically your client now..." she almost whispered. "Will you be someone for me tonight? Someone who really turns me on?"

Brittany was confused for a moment.

"Who's that...?" she asked carefully.

Santana smiled softly, letting her hand rest on Brittany's thigh.

"You" she simply said. "Just you. No one else. No escort, no actress. Just you. I couldn't imagine anyone who'd make my legs turn weaker."

Brittany felt her heart beat faster, felt the blood pumping in her veins. She felt light-headed. After all this, after laying basically _everything _about herself out in the open, every disturbing little detail, this was what she was getting? It felt surreal. Completely surreal.

She smiled at Santana, taking her hand and dragging her closer. The excitement she felt when they finally kissed was something she had never experienced before. They had kissed many times, but Santana had kissed a liar who had been hiding herself. Now she was kissing Brittany. The real woman. She had waited so long for this and she had been sure she'd never get it.

Brittany was so nervous, she couldn't hold back a moan when their tongues met, pressing her eyes shut. She was sure Santana would be able to hear her heart hammering in her chest. The warmth of Santana's mouth against her own made her breath speed up, made her hands shake. She wanted her so much, wanted her more than she ever had before.

When the blonde reached out for the hem of Santana's shirt, trying to take it off, the brunette caught her hand in the process, shaking her head. She smiled.

"No..." she said softly. "Not like this. Not tonight."

She kissed her blonde head, embracing Brittany's shaking body.

"We only have half an hour left..."

Brittany nodded, lying back down on the blanket. Her body was full of desire for the other woman but she could wait. She wouldn't let anything get between them anymore.

Santana snuggled closer to her, letting her hand rest on Brittany's belly and her head on the blonde's chest.

The feeling of hope was back, but this time she would not push it down.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

TBC

**A/N 2: I hope this chapter didn't have TOO much dialogue, I just felt like there was a LOT that needed to be said between them, especially concerning Brit.. so yeah, hope it worked for you, too! Tell me ;)**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Santana pushed Brittany softly against the door, smiling. Brittany leaned in to kiss her once more, smiling back happily. Her hand reached out for Santana's neck to caress the skin there, playing with some strands of dark hair while their tongues met and she teasingly nibbled at her lower lip. Brittany sighed contently.

"I don't know how I'm supposed to sleep tonight" she breathed against the brunette's mouth. "Are you sure you don't wanna go home with me?"

Santana grinned, kissing the blonde's forehead.

"We should take it slow. I wanna spend the day with you. I wanna go out with you. I wanna introduce you to my friends... there are so many things I wanna do with you that we've never done before..."

Brittany's smile grew wider, the exciting tickle not leaving her belly.

"I'm not dreaming this, right? I'm not gonna wake up tomorrow and realize it was just a dream?"

Santana shook her head. "Definitely not."

She kissed her again, slowly but passionately, stroking her cheek.

"Damn, I missed you..." Santana admitted, searching the other woman's eyes whose cheeks were flushed and rosy.

"I missed you, too... and I'm gonna leave now or I won't be able to hold myself back any longer."

Santana nodded, biting her lower lip with a sheepish grin. "Okay."

"Okay..." Brittany repeated, still not making any attempt to move.

"Then go..." Santana grinned, her lips slowly moving to the blonde's neck to let her tongue run along the salty skin there.

"I will..."

"Uh huh..." the brunette mumbled, nibbling at Brittany's earlobe.

"I swear, I will just go..."

Her eyes fell close at the sensual feeling of the other woman's wet tongue on her skin, her warm breath sending shivers through her body. Santana's hand slowly moved along Brittany's hips, up her toned stomach until it almost reached her breast.

"Ok, stop" Brittany said, her vision blurry. "Stop right now. You're a terrible tease."

"I know" Santana replied, showing her the tip of her tongue.

They looked at each other for a while, their bodies pressed closely against the doorframe, enjoying each other's presence for a few more seconds before the blonde would leave. Brittany cleared her throat, looking away but taking Santana's hand in hers, entangling their fingers.

"I... I wanted to ask if..."

"Hm?"

Santana looked at her questioningly, her free hand reaching for Brittany's chin to make her look at her again.

"Would you like to... meet Abbey? I mean, really meet her? We could just hang out or, I don't know, go somewhere... We don't have to, I mean, we can also do something alone, as we used to. Maybe it's too soon for that? I don't wanna freak you out, I understand if you wanna wait and take things slow and -"

"Brit!" Santana interrupted the blonde's incoherent mumbling, smiling at her genuinely.

"I would love to meet her. I'd be honored."

Brittany felt as if some heavy weight had fallen off her chest. She thought she was going insane, thinking about all these new possibilities that were suddenly in front of her. They could actually date, be exclusive. She wouldn't have to be scared that they'd run into someone who might reveal her secret, she wouldn't have to hide anything anymore. She could be herself and the feeling was completely overwhelming.

"Okay" she smiled, squeezing Santana's hand tightly. "How's Wednesday?"

Santana sighed, letting her head rest against Brittany's shoulder. "Too far away... but I'll manage."

"It's my next night off and I want us to have time for ourselves, I don't wanna have to leave in the evening..."

"I understand that" Santana nodded, putting a small kiss on Brittany's cheek. "Wednesday sounds good."

"All right.. then I'll really get going now before my driver storms in here and beats you up" Brittany grinned, peeking at her phone. Three missed calls, she was sure Dave was worried already.

Santana agreed, holding the door open for her and leaning in for one last kiss.

"Oh, before I forget it!" she suddenly exclaimed, grabbing Brittany's phone to open her contact list. "My new number..."

She quickly saved the number before putting the phone back into Brittany's bag. "We will talk before, right? You can call me, also after work."

"I will."

The fact that Santana was apparently looking forward to their next meeting as much as she did herself was almost too good to be true.

"And San?" she asked shyly.

"Yeah?"

"What I said... that one night... about lesbian parenting... I mean, not that I want to raise Abbey with you, oh my god, that's not what I mean, it's just... it was some silly excuse, I never meant it that way."

Santana smiled.

"It's okay, it makes sense now."

"It does?"

"Yeah, all of it" Santana nodded and gave her a soft and small push towards the exit. "And now go, I'm kind of scared of your driver now."

"Oh, he's a sweetheart actually, I'm sure you'd like him."

"Well, then let's give him a reason to like me. Move your sweet butt downstairs..."

Brittany had to grin. In fact she hadn't been able to stop grinning for minutes now.

"I can't wait for Wednesday."

"Me neither" Santana replied honestly.

When the door finally closed Brittany couldn't hold back a short and silent excited dance in the hallway. She felt like some hormonal teenager and it was the best feeling ever.

Xxxxxxxxx

The following days Brittany and Santana called each other every night. They told each other about their day and chatted about god knows what, though both of them tried to avoid talking about Brit's encounters with clients. Santana would ask if work was okay, ask if she felt all right, and Brittany would agree, tell her that nothing particularly special happened. With that the topic would be discussed and they'd move on to something else. It was enough that Santana _knew, _she would spare her any disturbing details that might make things awkward and weird between them.

They had agreed to take Abbey to the zoo, so when Wednesday finally arrived, Brittany was a nervous wreck. Not only was this their first official date after the truth was out, it was also the first time Abbey would meet Santana and she hoped, more than anything, that her daughter would like and accept the other woman.

She dressed Abbey in one of her cutest summer dresses, curling her blonde hair as the little girl sat between her legs.

"So, Abbey..." Brittany started, braiding some strands of her daughter's hair. "Santana will be here soon and... She's really great, you know? I hope you'll like her, cause... I really really like her. She's super nice and funny and she's so looking forward to meeting you."

The girl didn't say anything and just played with her pink Hannah Montana comb.

"She makes me really happy because she's an awesome... friend... and..."

Brittany felt silly, what was she even telling her daughter? She thought about explaining to her that if this were Lady and the Tramp, Santana would be her Lady and she'd want to share spaghetti with her and live happily ever after, but she figured this would be odd and confusing for a four year old.

"...and, well, your opinion is important to me. I don't wanna invite her to our home if you don't like her..."

Abbey was still quiet, focusing on her comb, and Brittany sighed, finishing her daughter's hair.

"Okay, done!" she announced, getting up. She helped her daughter to her feet and looked at her, proud at the result. "You look so pretty."

Abbey examined herself in the huge mirror, spinning around to let her dress twirl.

"How do I look?" she asked Abbey, standing next to her so she could see both their reflections in the mirror.

She herself was wearing jeans and a white blouse with a pretty necklace. She had changed her outfit countless times. Whenever they had met in the past, Brittany had always been dressed quite seductively. Not only because they often met after work, mostly because this was how she had wanted to impress her, because it was the only thing she felt she had to offer, all of her female charms. But things had changed. Santana had made it clear that she wanted _her _and not the role she had been playing, so Brittany was trying to give her that.

Abbey looked at her mother in the mirror with her huge blue eyes and hugged her leg. Brittany decided to take that as a "you look great" and smiled.

When the doorball rang, Brittany couldn't help but jump in excitement.

"Okay, she's here. Um, just be nice and friendly and smile and ... nevermind!" Brittany mumbled and ran to open the door.

Santana smiled at her, obviosuly taking in the sight of the woman in front of her. She was carrying a huge paper bag with groceries and she herself was dressed quite casually in blue bermuda shorts and a light yellow blouse that was knotted above her belly. Her lips were shining from her lipgloss and Brittany felt the need to kiss her, doing her best to ignore that impulse in front of her daughter for now.

"Hey." Santana said, smiling.

"Hey" Brittany replied, her eyes glowing. "You look beautiful."

"So do you" Santana assured her and Brittany knew she meant it.

"And you must be Abbey" the brunette added, stepping inside and putting the bag on the table. She knelt down to be on eye-level with the small blonde, reaching out her hand for Abbey to take it. "It's so nice to finally meet you!"

Brittany stared at the scene in front of her and felt a rush of relieve run through her body when Abbey took Santana's hand and shook it.

"Such a pretty dress!" Santana told Abbey. "Did you pick that yourself?"

Abbey was blushing, moving from her left to her right foot nervously, a shy smile on her lips. She shook her head and pointed at her mother who stood a few feet away.

"Oh, your mommy picked it?"

Abbey nodded.

"Well, then your mommy sure knows what looks good on you!" Santana exclaimed smiling and the small blonde turned even redder, running away giggling to jump on the sofa and play with some toys that were lying around in the room.

"Oh my god, she likes you, I'm so relieved..." Brittany whispered. "She's embarassed when you give her compliments, that's a _good _sign!"

Santana had to laugh and Brittany touched her back softly as they both watched the girl undress one of her Barbie dolls.

"So what's in the bag?" Brittany queried and Santana picked it up to take it to the kitchen.

"I thought we'd make some sandwiches and snacks to take with us to the zoo? Maybe we can have a small picknick somewhere."

Santana had sure thought of everything.

"Sounds great" Brittany said happily as they both started preparing their lunch snacks.

It was weird but Brittany had to realize that being here with Santana in her kitchen while her daughter was playing in the other room felt great. She had only been here for a few minutes and it already felt familar and... _right._

When they were done Brittany went to Abbey's room to get her daughter's turtle backpack. She stored a small tupperware in it, together with Winnie the Pooh who she figured shouldn't miss their little trip. The rest of the food she stuffed into her own bag, not wanting Abbey to carry anything too heavy.

Abbey loved her backpack and looked excited when her mother helped her put it on.

"A turtle backpack?" Santana asked amused. "This is too adorable, seriously."

The girl looked proud, looking at the two women expectantly as if she couldn't wait to finally get going.

"All right then baby, ready to meet some monkeys and elephants?" Brittany asked.

Abbey nodded eagerly.

"What about you, Miss Lopez?"

Santana had to grin. "Oh, so ready!"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They were having a great time at the zoo and Brittany was amazed to see Santana and Abbey interact so well. She had never expected the other woman to be so great with kids, especially since her daughter wasn't exactly easy to handle for everyone, considering she never spoke.

Santana not once seemed unsure what to say or do, kept finding the right words to make Abbey smile. At the pony compound she lifted the girl up so she could pet the animals, even though Santana was highly allergic to all kinds of horses. Her eyes were turning red and slightly swollen and she sneezed, yet she waited patiently for the girl to stroke each and every pony she wanted to pet.

Abbey was enjoying herself a lot, soon running a few feet in front of them, a long strawberry popsicle in her hand. She was hopping in the direction of the penguins and Brittany took Santana's hand as they walked behind the girl.

"You're really great with kids, you know that?" she asked, smiling.

"I didn't even know I liked kids until today I guess..." Santana replied laughing, squeezing Brittany's hand. "But who wouldn't like Abbey, she's amazing."

Brittany placed a small kiss on the Latina's cheek as they approached the pool with the penguins that were swimming fast circles in the water.

Time passed by quickly as they watched all kinds of animals, randomly singing 'Hakuna Matata' and other Disney songs in front of the lion cage.

By the end of the afternoon, as they were heading towards the exit, Brittany took Abbey's hand in hers who reached out to grab Santana's. They casually ambled back to their car and Brittany looked at Santana, then down to Abbey who was walking between them. If someone had told her only a few months ago that this was how she'd spend a Wednesday afternoon, she would have called them crazy.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Back at home Brittany turned some music on and started preparing dinner in the kitchen. Santana had suggested they'd try cooking some lasagna, but she had bought some frozen lasagna just in case they'd mess it up. They both weren't exactly the greatest housewives but they were doing their best as Santana was stirring the sauce and Brittany browned the meat in the pan.

Abbey was lying on her belly on the living room floor, dozens of crayons rolling over the parquet.

The smell of food was soon filling the air and both women looked beyond proud at the meal they had created together.

"I think I've never actually cooked something that smelled that good..." Brittany admitted.

"Well, let's wait and see how it tastes before we start praising ourselves" Santana laughed and the blonde nodded.

As Brittany was setting the dinner table, Santana walked over to Abbey to see what she was drawing. She looked at the picture in front of the little girl and had to smile. There were three people on it, two with yellow hair, one with black hair. There was a huge smiling sun, a few birds and something that Santana figured had to be a purple elephant.

"You're quite an artist!" Santana told Abbey who blushed. "Is that us?"

The girl nodded.

"So did you have a good time today?"

Abbey hugged her legs in front of herself, grinning but looking away.

"Me, too." Santana stated honestly. "We have to do it again some time, what do you say, sweetie?"

The small blonde smiled happily, collecting her crayons to put them back into their box. Emma had apparently taught her a few things already.

Brittany came closer to Santana and let her head rest on her shoulder to see what the other woman was looking at. They didn't say anything, Santana just turned her head a little to look at the blonde who was smiling contently. Santana put a small kiss right next to Brittany's lips and put the picture on the living room table.

"Let's eat, I'm starving!"

The lasagna was missing salt, but Brittany didn't mind, she couldn't help but feel that it was the best damn thing she had ever tasted.

They were chatting about the events of the day until everyone was finished and Brittany took Abbey to the bathroom to help her brush her teeth. She brushed her hair carefully and helped her daughter put on her pajamas before bringing her upstairs. At the stairs Santana was waiting for her, handing her the picture Abbey had drawn earlier.

"Hey, don't forget that honey!" Santana exclaimed. "It's so pretty, maybe your mom will put it on your wall in your room" Santana suggested and Abey took the piece of paper, smiling.

"Night Abbey! Sweet dreams!"

Abbey was obviously tired and clinging to her mother who was carrying her up the stairs. She looked over Brittany's shoulder and waved at Santana one last time before burying her head in her mother's neck.

As Abbey crawled underneath her blanket, Brittany happily stuck the picture above her daughter's bed with some sticky tape.

"You'll be an artist one day" Brittany said grinning, still looking at the colorful drawing. "Or a trainer for purple elephants."

She had to realize that it didn't matter what job Abbey would have one day, as long as she did better than herself. She'd do anything in the world to spare her child the experiences she had to make in her own life. She would always support her, no matter what.

Brittany turned on the small night light so Abbey wouldn't have to sleep in complete darkness. She knew she had hated darkness when she was a kid.

She put a soft kiss on her daughter's nose and Abbey dragged the blanket closer to herself, nuzzling her head into the soft pillow.

"Good night baby, I love you" Brittany told her, taking one last look at the small blonde before heading back to the door.

"Good night."

Brittany froze. She turned around again but Abbey's eyes were closed. She was lying there in quiet but the two words and Abbey's tiny voice were echoing in Brittany's ears louder than anything she had ever heard.

Before she knew it, tears were streaming down her face. And she had to laugh. She couldn't stop laughing.

"Good night" Brittany said once more, not believing what had just happened. She had almost been sure she would never hear that voice again. She knew it didn't mean they would be having great conversations over breakfast the next morning, but it was more than the young mother had hoped for. It was a start.

She was still smiling when she closed the door, still smiling as she walked down the stairs and still smiling as she saw Santana standing behind her wooden bar, her yellow blouse all messed up with some red liquid, cursing to herself.

"What are you doing?" she asked curiously, raising one eyebrow.

Santana cleared her throat in embarassment.

"Apparently I didn't close the damn shaker right..." she mumbled, trying to clean up the wooden counter.

"You messed up your shirt... " Brittany remarked teasingly as if it weren't obvious.

"Yeah... I wanted to mix us some virgin cocktails..."

"Because we are such virgins..." Brittany grinned.

"That's right" Santana said with a wink until she realized the woman in front of her looked as if she had been crying.

"Wait, are you okay?" she asked concerned, examining Brittany's still teary eyes.

"I am." Brittany nodded. "I'm so okay."

Santana smiled, unsure what exactly this was all about, but willing to enjoy the fact that the blonde seemed happy.

She sat down next to her on the barstool, handing her one of the fruitcocktails. Somehow it reminded her of the first night Santana had visited Brittany in her apartment, yet the situation couldn't have been more different.

"Today was great" Santana finally said and Brittany nodded.

"And it's not over yet" the blonde replied.

They looked at each other as their legs were touching softly and Brittany let a hand rest on the other woman's thigh. Brittany missed the feel of Santana's skin, tried to remember what it felt like underneath her shorts.

"Brit?" Santana suddenly asked, a little shy.

"Yeah?"

"Don't you think there are... other options for you?" she wanted to know and Brittany let out a sigh.

There was the tension again. The day had been amazing but Brittany knew it didn't change who she was, as much as she wished it did. There was still this certain issue that made things complicated and she figured she couldn't blame Santana for bringing up the topic, now that they were alone again.

"It's not like I never thought about it..." Brittany explained slowly. "It's just hard... Having worked in this business for so long, it's just not easy to find anything else." She shrugged.

"Most women who try to get out end up doing similar things in the adult industry, simply because it's what they know and what they can do..."

"Like what?" Santana asked, though Brittany figured it should be obvious.

"Well, there's porn, obviously... Stripping of course..." Brittany used her fingers to count all the options that popped into her head. "There's webcam work, like, you know, doing such live things on the internet..."

Brittany was too caught up in her thoughts to notice how Santana's eyes were widening more with each word she spoke.

"There's domme work, which seems more or less okay since you don't have to actually sleep with them... or the foot fetish industry! It's more popular than one might think... and it's also okay, I mean, you just let them touch your toes, maybe let them lick a bit, walk over their face or whatever..."

She shrugged again.

"Oh, or masseuse with a happy ending! But I'm sure that's kind of difficult, all these low-life men who want to convince you to break the rules and do more than just getting them off if they throw in some more cash. I suppose it's too tempting to consider it..."

Santana just stared at her, speechless.

"Um..." she coughed. "Well, okay, it seems as if you considered other possibilities..."

"Yeah..." Brittany said. "But to be honest, really none of them are as well-paid as what I'm doing... so if I ever quit... I don't know, I guess it will have to be for something entirely different."

"Well..." Santana started again, staring at her drink before finally looking the blonde in the eye again. "I just want you to know... I'm here."

Brittany smiled.

"I'm here if you ever find something else... and until then, I'll try to deal with it somehow... with the fact that someone else is touching you..." There was some bitter sadness in her eyes.

"...though the thought is killing me a little."

The brunette looked back down on her hands.

"It means nothing San, really _nothing_, you know that right?" Brittany asked hopefully, softly stroking Santana's leg.

"Of course I know... it's just... yeah... I'll have to get used to it. But I'll try okay? I really wanna try. I don't wanna let you go again..."

Having the other woman's support meant the world to Brittany. She leaned in closer to finally kiss her again, more than just the occasional sweet peck on the lips that they had shared during the day.

The blonde closed her eyes, her hand on the other woman's cheek. Santana's mouth opened instinctively and Brittany loved the taste of fruits on the other woman's tongue, loved the sweet and sensual way she was sucking her lower lip into her mouth.

She let her forehead rest against Santana's as they broke the kiss, both already a little out of breath, their eyes still closed.

"Wanna go upstairs?" Brittany whispered.

"Hell, yes."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They quietly tiptoed along the hallway, their fingers still entangled, until they reached the door to Brittany's bedroom.

Finally inside, Brittany half-expected Santana to push her onto the bed or against the wall but she was just standing in front of her, looking at her with more emotion in her eyes than she had ever seen on her features before. She slowly opened the knot in her blouse, then each of the small buttons as their eyes were still fixed on each other.

Brittany had to lick her lips at the sight in front of her, the beautiful woman she desired slowly undressing herself in front of her. She wanted to touch her, wanted to bury her face in her neck, wanted to rip those shorts off her legs, but she just stood there, mesmerized.

The blouse fell to the ground, so did the top she was wearing underneath. Santana kicked her shoes into the corner of the room as her hands were slowly moving to the fly of her pants. She smiled softly at Brittany, though there was so much desire in her eyes. Brittany felt her heart beat faster, felt the tickle between her legs.

Brittany caught her breath when the shorts followed the other pieces of clothing on the floor and Santana stood in front of her in her matching black lace bra and panties, brushing some strands of dark hair behind her ear. She couldn't hold herself back any longer.

She stepped forward, embracing the petite Latina and immediately started trailing wet kisses along the woman's collarbone, grabbing a fistful of hair to move her head aside for better access.

Santana closed her eyes and let out a small moan as Brittany's tongue traveled along her skin, as she left small bite marks and already let her hands run along her back to unclasp her bra.

Already half-naked, Santana quickly started tugging at Brittany's clothes.

"Off. This. _Now._" she mumbled, not in the mood to talk much.

Brittany followed her command, ripping off her own clothes as fast as possible

They both fell onto the bed, Brittany on top of Santana, as the blonde kept on kissing every body part she could reach.

"Oh god, I missed this so much" she breathed against the brunette's neck, her hand softly kneading Santana's breast. "So fucking much."

"Me, too" Santana panted. "Believe me, me too"

Brittany's mouth traveled lower, her lips soon closing around the other woman's nipple, sucking it fully into her mouth. She loved the salty taste, loved the way she felt it harden underneath her tongue, the sound of Santana's voice as she breathed out her name. She had waited too long for this.

Her left hand kept massaging Santana's other breast, rubbing her nipple in between her thumb and index finger as her right hand traveled lower to push her lace panties aside, pleased with the wetness she had hoped to find in between her legs.

"Fuck..." Santana moaned as Brittany started rubbing her already hard clit, stil licking and sucking her breast.

Brittany only stopped for a second to remove her own bra, quickly throwing it out of the way to press her body against the shivering brunette. She could feel Santana's heart beating just as hard as her own as she grabbed the woman's panties and pushed them down her legs.

Their eyes met and Brittany smiled softly as the black material fell onto the floor and she kissed her way back up, appreciating the feeling of Santana's skin underneath her tongue. She loved how the other woman shivered as she licked the inside of her thighs, how her hips bucked as she breathed against her clit.

Brittany managed to maneuver herself out of her last remaining piece of clothing until they were finally both naked. She spread Santana's legs wider, positioning herself in between before letting her tongue run along her slit in one long movement.

"Oh god..." Santana moaned and Brittany had to smile. She inhaled the other woman's smell, the smell she had missed so much, sucked her clit fully into her mouth, letting her tongue rub the spot right underneath.

She wanted to suck her until she'd come hard against her mouth, wanted to taste all of the other woman's arousal, but she missed looking at her. Something inside of her wanted to be able to see her, wanted to be close to her face, wanted to take in every detail of her beautiful features as they were doing this.

Santana groaned in disapproval as Brittany's mouth left her clit, but Brittany quickly replaced her tongue with her hand. She spread the brunette's legs even wider until she was able to position herself so that both their centers were touching.

Brittany was half sitting on top of Santana and leaned down to kiss her so the brunette would be able to taste herself on her tongue. Their breasts were pressing against each other and Brittany felt closer to Santana than she had ever felt before. She slowly started moving her hips and had to groan at the sensation of their clits rubbing against each other.

This time it wasn't one person fucking or licking the other, it felt more intimate somehow, the way their bodies were in complete unison, circling their centers agaisnt each other in one smooth rhythm.

The way their most intimate places were touching as they were still able to look each other in the eye, to kiss each other – it was intoxicating.

Brittany smiled softly at Santana as both were breathing heavily, sweat building on their foreheads. Some strands of blonde hair were falling into Brittany's face and Santana reached out to carefully brush them behind her ear, stroking her cheek with her thumb in the process. The blonde leaned down to kiss her again, softly sucking her tongue into her mouth, mimicing the rhythm of her hips thrusting against Santana.

She couldn't stop looking at her, needing to kiss every spot on her face, appreciating her beautiful features and her soft olive skin. Her hands were back on Santana's breasts, paying full attention to them as she watched her eyes roll back into her head whenever she pinched a nipple. She loved the perfect weight and size of them in her hand. Santana's soft moans and sighs were like music in her ear, her small cries filling the quiet bedroom.

Brittany felt Santana's hand move in between them, traveling lower so she could reach the woman's entrance from behind and push two fingers inside of her very slowly. Positioned like this, the blonde's legs spread wide, Santana could push them all the way in, going even deeper than usual.

"God, yes..." Brittany moaned, suppporting her head against Santana's. "Fill me up... please..."

Santana's finger's were twirling inside of her, hitting the spot that made her groan.

Taking their time was wonderful but both of them got so aroused that their movements soon became faster. Brittany had to bite her lip, the sensation of Santana adding a third finger blurrying her vision.

"Kiss me.." Santana moaned and Brittany didn't need to be told twice as their lips crashed against each other once more. Their hips were thrusting harder against each other and Santana's fingers kept moving inside of Brittany in the same fast rhythm.

The blonde was panting hard, trying to muffle her high-pitched noises against the Latina's neck.

"So close..." she breathed into Santana's ear. "Are you?"

Santana nodded, grabbing a fistful of blonde hair with her free hand, pressing Brittany's face even closer to herself as they both slowly felt their orgasm build up.

The brunette could feel Brittany's muscles clench around her fingers, pulled them almost completely out before fully thrusting them inside again with one final push that sent her over the edge.

Brittany came hard against Santana's hand, doing her best to keep up the fast rhythm of her hips to create enough pressure on the brunette's clit. It only took her a few more thrusts until Santana finally followed her, kissing her as she came, biting her lower lip.

The aftershocks of their orgasms were still sending occasional spasms through their bodies as they held each ther tightly, Brittany's heart still hammering in her chest.

"That was..."

"...breathtaking..." Santana finished the sentence for her, a lazy smile forming on her lips.

"Yeah..."

They looked at each other and Brittany had to chuckle, somehow not able to believe how lucky she was.

"I don't ever wanna have to wait so long for this again..." Santana admitted, stroking the blonde's hair affectionately.

Brittany was quiet for a moment, taking Santana's hand in hers before bringing it up to her mouth to kiss her fingertips. They were still a little wet and smelling like her.

"Move your stuff here..." she said after a while, her voice barely more than a whisper.

Santana looked at her questioningly, her eyes moving quickly in her head as if she was trying to make out if Brittany was serious.

"Brit, I don't know, I... -"

"Only temporary" the blonde quickly added. "I don't mean to pressure you, I don't mean to make any huge commitments here... it's just... You pay for these stupid hotel rooms every night and I have so much room here... We can look for a new place for you, find you a nice small apartment, but until then... just stay here. With me."

Brittany eyed the other woman hopefully, suddenly feeling insecure.

"What about Abbey, Brit? I mean, isn't this weird? I don't know..."

"Abbey likes you a lot and Emma is basically living here, too. You can even have your own room, it's not like we have to share a bedroom like some old married couple. It would just make it so much easier for you, financially, and...". She swallowed. "And I'm not gonna lie... the thought of doing _this _with you... as often as possible..."

Santana smiled as the blonde leaned in for another kiss, letting her lips linger on the brunette's for a long moment.

"I'll think about it, okay?"

Brittany nodded, crawling off the brunette's body and dragging the blanket over them.

Santana turned around so she could spoon the other woman, her lips softly brushing Brittany's shoulder.

"I'll think about it."

Brittany closed her eyes. She knew this was all she would get from Santana for now but she figured it was okay. After all this, they would finally be okay.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

TBC

**A/N: Oh, good times and less angst, who would have thought that?**

** I need to thank my beta Stepha again for teaching me so much about grammar and the english language in general, writing has become a LOT more fun since you make me feel more confident with my English skills :)**

**Also, again, thanks to everyone who's reading & commenting! =)**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: OMG I'm sorry for letting you wait so long, shame on me! To my defense - I was on vacation for a couple of days and the other night when I COULD have written, I ended up watching the Glee porno with my friend. (but hey, no judging, even Naya said she wants to see it :P)**

**so let's move on to the chapter...**

**Chapter 13**

"I need to talk to you."

Santana's voice was serious as she was standing in her hotel room, staring out of the window, her phone pressed closely to her ear.

"Sure, you can come over, Sam and I just wanted to - "

"Without Sam!" the Latina interrupted Quinn, "I need to talk to you _alone._"

Quinn knew something was up when her best friend made use of that particularly strict tone and it was better not to object.

"Okay, tell me where to meet you..."

xxxxxxxxx

They were meeting in one of their favorite little cafés, sitting in a hidden corner of the room, both of them sipping their hot vanilla latte. Santana was looking insecure, an expression Quinn only knew too well. She had seen that same expression on Santana's face back in high school when she had told her she was gay. Or when she had confessed to her that she had broken off any contact with her father. The blonde was worried.

"So what did you wanna talk about...?" she carefully asked her friend who was stirring her latte, adding more sugar to her cup than neccessary. Santana cleared her throat, avoiding Quinn's eyes.

"Remember when I told you Brit and I broke up because I've seen her with some guy?"

"Vaguely..." Quinn said grinning, remembering exactly how the Latina had furiously yelled into the speaker that her life sucked and it was better not to trust anyone but yourself.

"And remember that I told you we were getting back together because she apologized and I forgave her?" Santana continued slowly.

"Yes, I do remember, but what's wrong now? Don't tell me you caught her again, I might drive over to her myself and slap her..."

"No..." Santana said softly. "We're good. Great actually..." She had to smile despite herself.

"I'm glad to hear, but then what is it?"

Quinn leaned a little closer to her friend, nudging Santana's leg with her knee to make the Latina look at her.

"Tell me!"

Santana sighed.

"Please, just listen to me before you start judging okay?"

Quinn had to raise an eyebrow but nodded.

"Okay so... the _real _reason we broke up is because... she..." She wasn't sure anymore that this was the right thing to do, telling Quinn the whole truth, but she felt as if she needed to talk to her, felt as if she needed her best friend, her support, her help making such tough decisions.

"She...?" Quinn echoed a little impatiently.

"She's kind of... an escort."

The blonde was choking on her latte, coughing loudly while trying to process what she had just heard. She leaned even closer, her voice not more than a whisper.

"You mean e_scort _escort?"

Santana had to roll her eyes.

"What other escort, Quinn?"

The blonde put her cup back on the table, looking around the room as if someone might spy on them, apparently not sure what to say.

"Please, Quinn..." Santana tried to calm her friend, "I wasn't even sure if I should tell you, but I had to, we've never kept any secrets from each other and it's been bugging me all this time now..."

Quinn nodded, trying not to look too shocked.

"Okay, um, an escort... and you saw her with a client?"

"Yeah..."

The blonde let out a deep breath. "Wow."

"But she's not like that Quinn; not what you might think. She's... well, she's all kinds of amazing... and I've learned a lot about her past and about her motives and she's been through a lot, okay? I know it doesn't really justify anything, but... she's a great mother, her daughter is the cutest thing on the planet. She's funny, she's caring, she's beautiful..."

"But a prostitute" Quinn finished the sentence for her. It didn't sound like an attack, though Santana realized it was hard to make others understand, especially people who didn't know Brittany, people who hadn't seen her.

"I don't see her like that... at least I'm learning not to. Believe me, if you knew her, you'd see so much more than that..."

Quinn nodded again, trying to look understanding.

"Sure, I mean, you know me San, I want what's best for you and I'm doing my best to be objective and understanding here..."

Santana bit her lower lip, looking like an insecure child. She wished it was all easier than that.

Seeing her friend like that, Quinn laid a hand on Santana's who was still gripping her cup hard. She stroked the Latina's skin with her thumb in encouragement, smiling.

"You've fallen really hard, haven't you?" she said slowly, somehow glad to see her friend's usually tough facade fade a little.

Santana finally met the blonde's eyes again, searching for her support.

"I think I really did... I..." she stuttered. "I think I might be falling in love with her..."

Speaking it out loud felt weird and scary but she knew it was the truth. She just needed someone to tell her it was okay, that she wasn't running into a dead-end.

"Wow..." Quinn said once again, not quite able to remember the last time she had heard those words out of her best friend's mouth. Not sure if she had _ever _heard them.

"You know San, I really don't support prostitution, I - "

"Neither do I, Quinn!" the Latina interrupted her. "...or _did_... I mean I still don't _support_ it, but I wanna support _her_... I understand what she's been through and all I wanna do is get her out of it... even if I think she's not ready yet... and I have no idea how to do it..." she blurted out, helplessly shaking her head.

"I mean look at me, I have nothing to offer her, no money to look out for the both of us... _she's _ the one with all the money..."

"You're really being serious..." Quinn stated in disbelief. "Do you actually have real plans for the future with her?"

Santana had to look away, coughing. Quinn was frowning again.

"She asked me to move in with her..." Santana admitted in a whisper, once again focusing on her latte.

Quinn couldn't help but cover her eyes with her hands, shaking her head.

"San, not again..."

"Hey, she asked _me_ okay? This isn't the same... this is fucking not the same..."

Santana was getting angry. She was tired of being treated like that kind of person, she was changing, and Quinn - of all people - should notice.

"I'm not trying to live on her money, I have not once mentioned that I want her to take me in... I didn't even say yes... she's not like all the others to me, she's just not..."

"Okay, hon, calm down, okay? I believe you..." Quinn quickly said. "C'mere..."

She dragged Santana closer into a warm embrace, kissing her forehead.

"All I can say is that I'm happy for you that you finally let yourself feel so much for someone... and hell, at least she's not a serial killer..." She had to laugh.

"...but even _then_ I guess I'd find a way to be happy for you..."

Santana felt tears of relief run down her cheeks, needing to hear those words from her best friend, and reveled in the hug and comfort she was receiving. She sobbed a little.

"Do you still want to meet her?" she asked shyly, none of her tough Lopez-facade left.

Quinn laughed, teasingly ruffling the brunette's hair.

"Oh my god, how can you even ask that? Now probably even more than before" she said with a wink.

"And what do you think I should do... about the house situation...?"

"I can't tell you that, San. I say do what your feelings tell you..." Quinn stated honestly. "...I was going to say heart, but I didn't want to sound too cliched" she quickly added, and they both started laughing.

"Thanks, Quinnie..." was all Santana managed to say and also all she truly felt.

"You're welcome, Richard Gere"

"Oh shut the fuck up."

xxxxxxxxx

Santana dropped the huge traveling bag in front of her feet with a loud thud.

"Only temporary. Only until I found my own place."

Brittany was grinning madly from one ear to the other while leaning against the doorframe and staring at her girlfriend in awe. She stumbled over the bag, falling into Santana's arms and pressing her lips on hers with a squeak.

"Wow, that was enthusiastic..."

Santana tried to sound cool but couldn't hide feeling flattered and excited herself.

"Come inside, roomie! Make yourself at home... _literally._" Brittany exclaimed, grabbing the heavy bag to lift it up and carry it through the living room, up the stairs and into Santana's new bedroom.

They immediately started unpacking Santana's stuff which hadn't been much in the first place, only some clothes and cosmetics that they were storing in one of Brittany's many half-empty closets.

"You know you're not just another Shelby to me, right..?" Santana asked after a while, folding a few tops on the bed.

"Don't be stupid, of course I know that."

"Okay..."

They continued putting jeans and dresses on hangers without talking, though Brittany was constantly whistling a most likely self-composed melody.

"I... umm..." Santana started again, stuffing the empty bag under her bed.

"Hmm?"

"I want you to meet my friends" Santana announced, looking at Brittany.

"Yes, sure, I'd love to, I told you I was looking forward to meeting them" the blonde replied happily, smiling as she was closing the drawers.

"Well, the thing is... you need to know that Quinn _knows_... I told her about you..." the Latina admitted, scared she might have done the wrong thing and put her girlfriend in a position she didn't want to be in.

"Please don't be mad, I just... She's my best friend and I can tust her and I promise you she won't tell her husband, even if it eats her, she'd rather choke on her own tongue than tell him things I asked her to keep quiet about, I -"

"San! " Brittany interrupted her, laughing. "It's okay... I understand."

"You do?"

"Yeah, I mean..." The blonde sighed, shrugging.

"... it's always kind of awkward, especially since she's your friend and I kind of want her to like me... but I trust you and your judgment when it comes to involving other people..."

Brittany's voice was sincere and for a second Santana felt as if they were going to find solutions for everything as long as they were being honest with each other.

"I'm glad to hear that..." she admitted. "I told her we'd come around tomorrow afternoon actually."

"Uh, I have to work San, I don't know..." the blonde hesitated.

"Yes, I know, but you won't leave before eight, right? I agreed we'd have cake and coffee together, probably with Mercedes and Matt. Then we can just leave so we'll be out there by seven or something."

"Hm... okay." Brittany finally agreed, stepping closer to Santana.

"Okay."

They were smiling slightly, though somehow Santana felt as if there was some tension between them, tension she couldn't explain but that she really wanted to ignore for now.

Brittany must have sensed it, too, trying to shake off any insecurities and suddenly grinning again.

"Hey roomie?" she asked as she was storing the last piece of clothing in the closet.

Santana had to laugh. "Yes, roomie?"

"How about... " she started, putting on her best seductive smirk, "...we celebrate our newly shared apartment and your new bedroom properly...?"

Brittany dragged Santana closer, unbottoning her shirt while teasingly biting her lower lip with a devilish smile.

"I like the way you think..." the Latina replied grinning.

When her girlfriend finally pushed her on the mattres, Santana was sure that any kind of tension had been forgotten – at least for now.

Xxxxxxxxxx

Quinn's and Sam's kitchen already smelled like warm apple crumble and Santana was relieved that everything had gone well so far. Quinn had greeted Brittany warmly, had hugged her and told her it was great to finally meet her. They had been chatting about random things as Quinn was still in her red checkered apron, cleaning up the rest of her baking supplies.

It felt good to finally introduce a real girlfriend to her best friends, someone she truly wanted them to like.

Brittany looked pretty, wearing her blonde hair in a ponytail, the blouse with the blue flower pattern perfectly matching her ballerinas. It gave her this innocent touch.

"The cake smells great, Quinn" Brittany stated smiling, peeking into the oven. "And it looks even better."

"Thanks" the other blonde replied friendly. "I hope it tastes as good."

Santana was hugging her girlfriend from behind, looking forward to the rest of the afternoon.

"Where are the others, I'm hungry" she complained, right before Sam pointed out of the window.

"There's their car" he said, looking outside to their driveway.

Santana let go of Brittany, walking over to Sam as her smile froze. The people getting out of the car looked certainly _not_ like Matt and Mercedes. She growled.

"Okay, Quinn, what the fuck is _she _doing here?" she hissed, pointing at Rachel who was closing the passenger door and heading to the front door, followed by her husband.

"Um... I invited her, I thought you wouldn't mind since, you know,... -"

"You thought it was okay to invite the daughter of my ex to the first meeting with my new girlfriend?" Santana yelled at her and Brittany stepped closer to Santana, taking her hand to calm her down.

"Well, now when you put it like that..."

Sam had already opened the door and Jesse entered the kitchen only seconds later, his gaze immediately resting on Brittany who looked like a deer in the headlights.

"What is _she_ doing here?" was the first question that left his mouth as he was pointing at the blonde who had suddenly turned pale.

Rachel soon followed, smiling happily until she, too, spotted the tall blonde next to Quinn and Santana. Brittany closed her eyes.

"Heather?" Rachel blurted out, realizing right away what she had said, blushing and faking a cough attack.

"Uh, I mean... hey! _Hey!_" she exclaimed in an exaggeratedly chipper voice. "It's Brittany, right? Yes, Brittany, Santana's new girlfriend, that's your name..."

"Yeah, Brittany..." the blonde said in a tiny voice, reaching out for Rachel's hand to shake it.

Jesse was grinning, looking between the two women in front of him, biting his lip to prevent from laughing out loud. He cleared his throat.

"Nice to _finally _meet you, Brittany" he said, grabbing the blonde's hand to shake it enthusiastically.

"You, too..." Brittany whispered, looking as if she were wishing for a hole in the ground she could escape into.

Quinn was frowning and Santana raised an eyebrow at the weird scene playing out in front of her when she looked over to Rachel who was staring at the floor, her cheeks red. Just when she was about to wonder what on earth had made this moment so awkward the realization hit her. Her eyes widened and she stared at Brittany, shaking her head vehemently.

"No... nonono... Youv'e gotta be fucking kidding me... " she blurted out. This couldn't be true, could it? There was no way that such coincidences existed. God had to be joking and she certainly didn't like his sense of humor.

"Tell me that this is a fucking joke!"

The doorbell rang again and Quinn winced at the sound, jumping to the door.

"Excuse me while I get this..."

Sam was staring at the four people in front of him as he was picking some crumbles off the baking tray and stuffing them into his mouth.

"You know each other or something?" he mumbled with his mouth full.

"_No!_" Brittany and Rachel exclaimed at the same time. Jesse was smirking and Santana glaredd at them as if she were about to kill them all.

She roughly tugged at Brittany's arm, pulling her head lower so she could growl into her ear.

"Tell me that this isn't real, that this is _not _what I think it is" she hissed angrily and Brittany gave her an apologetic, helpless look.

"San... I had no idea" she whispered. "How could I have known?"

"I'm gonna throw up..."

"San..." Brittany pleaded, trying to stop her girlfriend from running out of the kitchen.

Matt and Mercedes were entering the room in the same moment but Santana just pushed them aside.

"Hey, where are y_ou _going so fast?" Mercedes asked frowning but the Latina didn't reply, just slammed the door shut behind her.

"Um, okay..." Mercedes simply said, shrugging, when she finally saw the new face of the group in front of her. Her features were lighting up.

"And _you_ must be the mysterious Brittany, the woman who turned our good old Santana into a mushy lovestruck teenager - so pleased to finally meet you" she exclaimed grinning, dragging the blonde in for a hug.

Brittany felt the need to run after Santana but didn't want to be rude, so she just stood there, paralyzed, letting Mercedes and Matt greet her as she was smiling half-heartedly.

"I'll be right back..." Quinn announced with a concerned look on her face, quickly leaving the kitchen.

"San, are you all right?" she asked, carefully knocking at the bathroom door.

"This was a bad idea. A bad, bad, _bad _idea" she heard her voice through the thick wooden door.

"I'm so sorry I invited them, I had no idea it would cause any trouble..."

"Go back to your guests, Quinn."

"San... I actually have no idea what's going on, I can only guess, but..."

She heard a small click in the lock and the door swung slightly open, allowing the blonde to come inside. Santana was sitting on the floor next to the toilet, her legs hugged in front of herself.

"I think Brit is gorgeous..." Quinn started. "Even more gorgoeus than you described her... and whatever happened now, I think she truly cares for you and you can solve it, okay? So come out of here and have cake with us before the crumble gets cold..."

She was touching the Latina's hand, rubbing it softly as she smiled.

"This will be some fucking awkward afternoon..." Santana mumbled, still she accepted Quinn's hand who helped her get up from the floor.

They all sat down at the huge dinner table, eating and talking about music, movies and whatever else popped into their minds. Santana was constantly avoiding Brittany's gaze who was pretty much avoiding everyone's gaze.

"So, tell us about your acting job" Mercedes finally said, smiling at the blonde sitting across from her.

Jesse chuckled.

"Um... it's nothing special, really. It's just a small theatre thing... I'm actually looking for other options" the blonde stuttered, keeping her eyes on the crumble that she had barely touched since they had sat down.

"Oh, I'm sure it's great. Did Santana get to see you play already?"

Brittany was just as quiet as Quinn and Rachel who seemed to be very interested in their own fingernails.

"I did." Santana suddenly stated. "And she was very convincing."

Her voice was numb as the images of that night flashed back in front of her eyes and she rememberd exactly _how _convincing the blonde had been in her role.

"What's the play about?" Matt wanted to know and Santana couldn't believe that they were actually so damn interested in all of this. She finally allowed herself to look over to her girlfriend and felt her chest hurt. Somehow she felt mad at Brittany for having slept with Jesse and Rachel but she knew she couldn't hold it against her. This whole coffee thing had been her own idea and she had brought her in a terribly awkward situation. A wave of compassion and sympathy washed over her as she grabbed Brittany's hand under the table and started stroking it softly.

"Let's just say Brit was the star of the whole thing. She looked gorgeous and sexy, just as she did the first time I met her. From the moment I laid eyes on her I knew I wanted to be with her..." she said proudly.

Mercedes started laughing out loud, shaking her head.

"Hell, Lopez, who would've thought that? Congratulations, Brittany. You certainly have to be special."

Brittany finally smiled again, squeezing Santana's hand who had entangled their fingers.

"I guess I'm gonna clean up a little bit" Quinn announced, getting up to bring the dirty dishes to the kitchen.

"I'll help you!" Rachel quickly offered, glad to have found something to do.

Santana felt the need to talk to her girlfriend in quiet so she led her a few steps away from the others where their conversation wouldn't be overheard.

"I'm sorry, you have to believe me" Brittany whispered but Santana just put a finger on her lips, making her shut up.

"Me too, it's not your fault..." She sighed. "It's just... oh my god, it's Rachel and Jesse, you know?"

Brittany nodded.

"Believe me, I understand this is beyond fucked up for you."

"And for you" Santana added and they both had to grin.

"We're just both pretty fucked up" the blonde finally concluded and Santana got up to her tiptoes to place a kiss on her girlfriend's cheek.

"It sucks that I have to leave again" Brittany admitted sadly. "But please, stay. Have a good time with your friends. Later you can warm the bed for me if you like."

Santana liked the thought. She didn't want Brittany to leave, despite all of the awkwardness, but she couldn't deny that it made her feel all warm inside to imagine there was actually someone in her life again who was worth waiting for, someone who would crawl into her bed at night, even if it just meant sleeping next to each other.

She smiled, nodding.

"I will."

Just as they were kissing again, a little more passionately, Sam, who had observed the scene from the sofa shouted over to them.

"San should bring her girlfriends over more often" he stated with a grin. "This is even better than when she was dating that MIL-"

"_Sam!_" Quinn yelled at her husband who was choking on the word, just now realizing that Rachel was still in the room with them.

The brunette gave him one of her typical 'what the fuck' faces.

"I can't believe this..." she said, laughing ironically as she shook her head.

"Oh c'mon darling" Jesse tried to calm her down, "he's a guy and your mom is.."

"_You_ better not say anything else" she hissed at him and Jesse quickly lowered his head in submission.

"I'm sorry guys, but I have to get going..." Brittany announced, still holding Santana's hand.

"But it was really nice meeting all of you."

Mercedes got up first to hug the blonde.

"It was nice meeting you, too. You and San should absolutely join our Sunday dinners from now on."

"I'd love that" Brittany replied.

"Have fun at work. I hope we get to see you perform at some point" Matt added cheerfully as Quinn, Rachel and Santana once again tried not to look at each other, trying hard to ignore the terrible irony in his suggestion.

Jesse had to grin again.

"Yes, we certainly wouldn't wanna miss it..." he stated, followed by a loud '_ouch'_ as Rachel kicked his leg under the table.

Santana glared at Jesse as if she were about to rip his heart out of his chest and eat it for dessert - with cherries on top - yet she tried to keep her temper and turned to her girlfriend to place a soft kiss on her lips.

"Be careful, okay?" she whispered against her mouth. "Please."

"I always am" Brittany reassured her, kissing Santana's forehead. "See you in a few hours"

xxxxxxxxx

Santana was sitting on Brittany's couch next to Emma and Abbey, watching TV. Emma had fallen asleep and Santana was stuffing tacos into her mouth as Abbey let her head rest against the Latina's hip, yawning.

"You tired, honey?" she asked the small blonde who snuggled a little closer and nodded.

"Want me to take you upstairs to your room?"

Abbey looked at her with small eyes, barely able to keep them open. Santana hadn't even realized how late it had gotten, it was already past midnight.

She lifted the tiny girl up in her arms to carry her up the stairs and into her room, softly laying her down on the mattress.

"Don't tell your mommy we didn't brush your teeth tonight, okay?"

The girl shook her head and Santana smiled, kissing her forehead.

"Sleep well, sweetie."

Emma was still snoring on the sofa when she returned to the living room and Santana figured it was best to send her to bed as well. Emma apologized several times for not having brought Abbey to her room herself, but Santana assured her that she didn't mind.

"Don't you wanna sleep as well?" Emma asked her as she realized the brunette was still fully dressed and settling down on the sofa again, the tacos back on her lap.

"Won't you have to get up early for work? Brit is always so late, who knows how much longer you'll have to wait..."

"Thanks, Ems, but I want to wait."

"All right, then I hope she'll be back soon. Good night, Santana" the redhead said friendly.

"Night, Emma. And also thanks for being so cool with me staying here."

"Well, that's of course not my choice to make but I'm glad to see Brittany happy and I have absolutely no problem with you staying around" she reassured her and Santana had to admit that she liked the woman, despite her weird cleaning attacks. She smiled at her once more before Emma finally headed to her room.

Time was passing excruciatingly slowly and Santana had to realize that this late night TV program was anything but distracting. She put the television on mute and closed her eyes for a second, trying to find anything else to do as she was waiting for her girlfriend to finally come home.

Santana waited and waited, the ticking of the clock on the wall hammering loudly in her ears.

The longer she sat there, the more she could feel this nervous uncomfortable feeling rise in her stomach. This was different than waiting for Brittany in her own hotel room, though she couldn't really explain why. Somehow their lives had been more separated then, somehow there was this certain distance that had allowed her to ignore what Brittany might be doing before she visited or picked her up. But now, being confronted with the blonde's empty apartment, thoughts came to her mind that she knew she shouldn't be having. Thoughts about what her girlfriend might be doing in that exact same moment as she was sitting here, waiting for her to come home.

Suddenly she could see her, suddenly it was all so clear in front of her inner eye, images she had tried hard to ignore. Brittany in some motel, Brittany with some stranger, Brittany kissing someone else, Brittany fucking someone else.

Santana was feeling sick, realizing how the uncomfortable feeling quickly turned into anger. She knew what she had gotten herself into, she knew she had willingly agreed to all this, but actually being put in that situation was harder than she had imagined. She was sitting in _her _apartment, on _her _sofa. The sofa that Brittany had paid with the money she earned by letting some asshole do _things _with her.

Then the thing with Rachel and Jesse popped back into her head. Who knew who she was with right now? She could be making out with anyone else Santana knew, with any of her exes, with any of her former friends, right this minute. The thought made her head spin.

The Latina stared at the clock again. It was late. Fucking late. Unusually late.

Despite all of her efforts, Santana felt close to freaking out as she quickly grabbed a cigar to smoke it on the porch, in hopes that it would calm her down, as it always had in the past.

What if it were even worse than she thought? What if it wasn't only some cheating douchebag who was with her right now? She realized she not only had to worry about Brittany being fucked by someone else, she also had to worry about her girfriend being hurt. She shouldn't have read these damn online blogs about escorts. All she had wanted was a better understanding of the situation, but the stories she had read were still making her shiver when she thought of them.

The thought of Brittany being hurt was beyond disturbing, yet she couldn't erase these images out of her head - how someone was groping her ass, some fat ugly bastard humping her delicate body, some fucker hitting her, chaining her,... It made her sick.

She took another deep drag from her cigar, trying to stop her hand from shaking.

What was this driver's name again? Daniel? David? She should have asked for his number. It would have been the least Brittany could do, giving her his number so she could call and check on her in situations like this.

What had said about her evening's booking tonight? Had she even said anything at all about this! Next time she'd make her write down all of her appointments so she could keep track on them. Oh my god, was she turning into some control freak?

She sighed and closed her eyes for a second, breathing deeply as she finally heard the engine of a car that was pulling into the driveway.

She could see Brittany lean over to her driver and give him a peck on his cheek before getting out of the vehicle.

"Good night... Yeah you, too!" Santana heard her chirping before Brittany slammed the passenger's door shut. Nice that at least s_omeone_ seemed to have had a good time.

Brittany looked surprised when she saw a smoking Santana sitting on the porch, yet her features immediately lit up even more.

"I told you you didn't have to stay awake" the blonde said smiling, greeting her tired girlfriend.

"Couldn't sleep..." was all the Latina managed to answer, putting out the cigar in the flower pot next to her.

"Well, I'm not gonna lie, I like the fact that I still get to talk to you... and kiss you... " Brittany said softly, leaning in closer to kiss Santana right next to her lips. The Latina remained stiff.

"Let's go inside..."

Upstairs in Brittany's bedroom, Santana quietly stripped down to her underwear to get ready for bed. Brittany hugged her from behind, starting to trail soft kisses along the brunette's neck, breathing softly against her skin.

Santana knew what the blonde wanted, knew how many times Brittany had already initiated sex like this, but she still felt awfully tensed.

"I missed you" her girlfriend purred against her earlobe and Santana had to shut her eyes, shrugging her off.

"Don't you wanna shower first?"

The moment she spoke those words she realized how they sounded, realized how the blonde behind her was tensing. She felt sorry for having brought it up, but it was too late to take it back anyway. They both looked on the floor.

"Um yeah,... sure..." Brittany whispered. "You wanna join me?" she added hopefully but Santana still had her back turned to the blonde.

"I already showered earlier, thanks..."

"Okay..."

When Brittany returned from the bathroom, Santana was already in bed, wrapped in the sheets. Brittany climbed into bed next to her to spoon the smaller woman.

Santana could smell her shampoo, her body lotion, and she could only guess how soft her skin must feel. She wanted to reach out and touch her, wanted to yell at her own mind to stop making her feel that way, but she couldn't. Instead she took the blonde's hand in hers, saying nothing.

She didn't know why she felt that cold all of a sudden but there was this weird pain in her chest that wouldn't leave, even now that Brittany was home and safe.

Brittany was still embracing her, stroking the hand that Santana kept pressed close to her belly. The Latina thought she could feel Brittany's heartbeat pounding against her back as she was coming closer again, pressing her body against her. She was kissing her again, it was like a desperate attempt to get Santana's attention back, to get her desire back.

For a second Santana wanted to ask Brittany how she could possibly still be in the mood for sex after having been fucked all night, but she managed to hold herself back, knowing this would be a step too far and hurt the other woman too much. She knew she'd regret it later.

As much as she was trying to ignore the blonde's kisses, her girlfriend knew her body far too well by now. She was touching and kissing all the right places, making all the right noises, and Santana soon found her body responding, almost against her own will.

When she finally gave in, Brittany smiled at her, turning Santana around to kiss her lips and let her hands run over the fabric of her bra.

Santana kissed her back, deciding to ignore her previous thoughts. Brittany was amazingly skilled in bed and getting off would probably wipe her thoughts clean.

Just when she was about to trail some kisses along the blonde's collarbone, she noticed the red marks on her neck and quickly pulled away. She glared at the small red bruises, not even realizing how her hand was forming into a fist. They weren't huge and didn't look too bad, yet they were the only thing the Latina was able to see. Red, glowing brandings that some stranger had left on Brittany's flawless skinn. On her _girlfriend's _flawless skin.

"Who was your client tonight?" she suddenly asked, looking Brittany straight in the eyes, her voice cold as ice.

Brittany shifted in bed nervously.

"San, I thought we agreed not to talk about this and leave my job behind us when I'm home..."

"Yeah..." Santana laughed ironically. "So easy when I can basically see his teeth marks all over your body."

Brittany protectively put a hand around her neck as she was sitting up, dragging her legs close to her body.

"San..." she said softly, reaching out for the woman's hand who quickly pulled it away.

"Don't" Santana stopped her, cursing herself for getting so emotional. She could already feel her eyes getting teary and it made her even angrier.

"Santana, please. I thought you understood..." Brittany pleaded. "I thought you knew what it was gonna be like..."

"Knew what it would be like?" the Latina yelled at her.

"How can anyone possibly know what it's like to sit here, waiting for you to come home, hoping that you will be okay, hoping that no one rapes you or forces you to do disgusting shit in bed..." She hated how her voice sounded so high-pitched whenever she got this upset but she wasn't able to calm down.

"How can it possibly be okay to imagine how someone else is kissing and touching the places that only _I _should be touching and kissing? How can it be okay that the person you love is being fucked by some random cheating asshole?" she almost screamed, tears suddenly streaming down her face, tears she couldn't hold back anymore.

"It's not okay, Brit" she blurted out sobbing, her voice breaking, "not okay!"

Brittany just stared at her with widened eyes.

"Wait, what did you just say?" she asked the smaller woman, her cheeks flushed, her breath short.

"You heard me, Brittany. It's making me fucking sick. So sick! I tried to understand and I fucking wanna be with you, more than anything, but geez, it _hurts_. Already now it _hurts_ and I don't wanna go through this every night. I don't wanna know how much worse it gets the more you mean to me..."

Brittany was reaching out for Santana's cheek, brushing the tears away with her thumb.

"You said you loved me..." she said, smiling shyly.

"What? I did not..."

"You did" Brittany stated. "You said 'the person you love is being fucked by someone else'..."

"I was generally speaking..." the Latina tried to explain herself, avoiding Brittany's eyes and looking down on her hands.

Brittany still couldn't do more than stare at the woman in front of her, her own cheeks wet by now.

"I love you, too..." was all Brittany managed to whisper. She didn't try defending herself for what Santana had said before, she didn't feel as if she could do it right now, her mind was blinded by the other woman's admission.

Santana's whole body was tensing at hearing those words. Anger and hurt were quickly mixing with a wave of desire and - well -_ love_ that took her by surprise.

Their lips pressed against each other forcefully, Santana's hand quickly gripping wet blonde curls. She pushed Brittany's bathrobe open, cupping her breasts with her palms, squeezing them roughly while kissing her cheek, her chin, her neck.

Brittany quickly reached around the Latina, unclasping her bra in one fast and well-practiced movement.

After mere seconds they were both naked, Santana straddling Brittany. She was still squeezing her breasts, pinching her nipples hard, making Brittany moan in a cruel mix of pain and pleasure.

Santana's mouth was traveling lower, along Brittany's collarbone, her tongue darting out as she was leaving wet trails on her skin. She was licking and sucking before Brittany had to cry out at the sensation of Santana biting down hard at the flesh of her neck, far more roughly than usual.

She didn't want to hurt her, didn't want to treat her as she did that one time in the bathroom, yet she couldn't find another way to express what she was feeling. Her actions were suddenly speaking so much louder than her words ever could - a desperate attempt to show Brittany who she belonged with.

"Shit, San.." Brittany panted as Santana's hand traveled lower between their bodies and pinched the blonde's clit hard.

"What do you want? Tell me" Santana moaned out of breath, her fingers dangerously close to Brittany's entrance.

"I want you inside ... please..." Brittany managed to bring out, trying to kiss the Latina who quickly pulled away.

"Uh uh..." she said, shaking her head. "I want you to say it like you truly mean it..."

Santana was shocked by her own need to struggle for power but she had to know. She needed to know that she was the only one who'd have that effect on her, the only one who'd make her beg.

"Please, Santana..." Brittany repeated.

"Say you're mine... only mine..." Santana whispered against the blonde's lips, her breath hot against Brittany's mouth. "Say it!"

"I'm yours..." Brittany whispered, the need to finally feel Santana almost too strong to handle, the Latina's fingers only slightly brushing against her entrance driving her insane.

"Say you belong to me" Santana commanded, breathing into Brittany's ear, able to feel the shivers running down her girlfriend's skin. "Do it!"

"I belong to you, Santana..." Brittany said and it was more than obvious how much she meant it as she stared at the woman above her with teary eyes, raw emotion reflecting on her features. "I love you."

They stared at each other for a moment, both of them overwhelmed and not used to having such a heavy statement lingering between them. Brittany was smiling softly at Santana, nodding slightly as if trying to make a point.

Before she knew it the smile was wiped off her face as Santana pushed three fingers inside of Brittany in one surprising movement, both of them groaning at the action.

Santana was fucking her fast, her fingers quickly pumping in and out of the thin woman underneath her, Brittany's wet hair sprawled all over the pillow. Santana couldn't help but notice that Brittany looked gorgeous, completely devoted to her, and she felt her heart break a little more. Brittany loved her. She fucking loved her, how could she even consider doing what she did? How would s_he_ feel if their positions were reversed?

Santana shook her thoughts away as she heard Brittany's moans become higher, as she feelt her body tense around her fingers. Santana knew Brittany was close.

She started brushing some strands of damp hair out of the blonde's face, the action being a complete contrast to the fast pumping movement of her hand inside of her girlfriend, somehow resembling her own emotional confusion.

"I want you to come..." she told her, her voice softer this time. "For me."

When Brittany finally did, Santana tried to savour every bit of it, tried to remind herself why this was worth it. Why she would do anything she could to keep fighting for their relationship to work. Why she had to give a fuck about her own damn insecurities.

Then, when she heard Brittany scream her name, Santana closed her eyes to burn the sound into her memories. Part of her knew that the blonde could only let herself go like this with her, she knew it was different with those many people she met, she knew she couldn't compare it. But despite all that - what Santana knew more than anything else was that this simple knowledge wasn't enough.

Santana knew she wanted Brittany to be hers and hers alone.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

TBC

**So.. if I don't change my mind anymore because some unexpected additional plotpoint pops into my head, then the next chapter is going to be the last! I'll also write an epilogue, but I'll most likely publish them both at the same time so you can just read it in a row.**

**Thanks everyone for reading and reviewing and THANKS to Stephanie once again :)**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Okay, here it is, the END. I'm posting Chapter 14 AND the epilogue at the same time tonight, so make sure to look out for the next part as well :)**

**Chapter 14**

Brittany felt a hand on her face as she woke up, her eyes slowly adjusting to the sunlight in her bedroom. At first she thought it was Santana who had snuggled closer to her until she realized there was only one person she knew who could possibly need so much space in bed.

She had to smile as she saw her daughter lying in between herself and her girlfriend, both still asleep soundly.

Abbey was lying on her belly, her left hand on Brittany's face, her right arm hugging the sleeping Latina.

She carefully brushed the tiny blonde's hand off of herself and slowly got out of bed, putting on her robe as she took in the scene for a few moments longer.

She wouldn't mind waking up like this every day for the rest of her life.

xxxxxxx

Brittany's mind had been with Santana all day. They hadn't gotten the chance to talk much and the blonde felt as if there were still quite a few things they needed to discuss. They had declared their love for each other for the first time, and even if Santana hadn't truly admitted it, Brittany knew exactly what her girlfriend's words and actions had meant.

She had seen her face, had seen her tears, had sensed her desperation, and she knew the Latina well enough by now to analyze her to her core. She knew she was expecting a lot from the other woman, knew it was most likely terrible for her to have to deal with her job and the consequences that came with it. She had never wanted Santana to feel that way and she had always known it would be difficult, but actually seeing her girlfriend so hurt and furious was extremely hard to take. She felt guilty but helpless at the same time.

Santana had tried to smile at her during breakfast, had tried to act normally as she had left for her own work, but Brittany knew that the feelings of the previous night were still there and occupying the Latina's mind. Santana had hugged her, told her once again to be careful at work, but she hadn't met her gaze as she positioned a quick kiss on the blonde's lips and stormed out of the apartment.

Brittany had left before Santana returned from work and she wasn't sure Santana would stay awake for her again that night - she didn't expect her to. Would it always be like this? Both of them working at different times of the day until Brittany would come home to her sleeping girlfriend who didn't really want to touch her because all of these thoughts and images had kept her mind busy all night? How long would they even last if it stayed that way?

Brittany figured it was absurd that these thoughts occupied her while her client was above her, kissing her and moaning what 'bad and dirty things' he wanted to do to her. As he was licking her neck, all Brittany could think about was how she hoped he wouldn't leave any hickeys, how she hoped she'd be able to get rid off his smell before she stepped into her apartment again.

She wished Santana would somehow know and understand the difference, wished she had any idea what it was like for her to be with those dates. Her body was so numb, her senses so completely turned off, she felt absolutely nothing for this person. She knew she couldn't justify it like this, couldn't use it as a valid argument to defend her job, but to her being with this man and being with her girlfriend seemed to be the most different things in the whole universe. She used her body as a tool and nothing else.

Brittany had to roll her eyes as the man groaned into her ear, telling her that she was 'the best fucking slut he had fucked in a while' and she shortly wondered how many of her colleagues had already been with this jerk. How many of her colleagues had most likely laid on a mattress as she was doing it right now, wondering when he'd finally finish. How many of them might have had a boyfriend or girlfriend waiting for them at home? How many of them would understand what she was going through, would understand what it felt like to be so torn on the inside?

For so many years this hadn't been her problem, for so many years she had been alone and hadn't needed to worry about any of this, and to some extent it had been easier. But would she want to change it back? Would she choose easy over complicated? Money over love?

How long would she be able to do this until Abbey started asking questions about her work? How long until she would start having to lie to her? What kind of mother did that even make her? What was she even scared of? Not being able to pay the bills? Not being able to find another job to look out for her daughter? What was worse? Being a mother and sex-worker who could at least provide her daughter a nice home and a good education, or being a mother who'd then most likely face unemployment and money problems?

The man was fucking her roughly and Brittany was glad when he finally collapsed on top of her, giving him a few seconds to regain some strength. She wanted to get up and out of bed as she realized something was odd. She pushed the man aside as she felt the wetness between her legs that did certainly not come from her own non-existent arousal. She only needed a second to realize what was wrong and felt the thick knot in her throat. This was not supposed to happen.

She looked at the man who wanted to get rid of the condom, quickly realizing himself that the piece of rubber had burst.

"I... um..." he stuttered, wrapping the condom into a tissue and throwing it into the nearest dustbin. "You're on the pill, aren't you?"

Brittany felt like throwing up. Her face was hot and she stared at him, studying his features for the first time that night. Who was this guy? She didn't know anything about him. He could be screwing five different women every night without protection for all that mattered.

"Yes, of course I am" Brittany replied, closing her eyes as she started massaging her temples in order not to freak out.

"Okay, no problem then, I'm healthy, so..."

Sure. Healthy. It wasn't the first time she had heard that. It wasn't even the first time that something like this had happened, accidents could happen any time, though of course she had always tried to be very careful. But things had changed. She had responsibilities now. She had a daughter. A partner.

Images were flashing through her mind, worst case scenarios repeating in front of her inner eye. What was she doing? What was she risking? For what? What if she ended up being HIV positive at some point? What would she tell Santana then? What would she put her through?

"You need to leave" she told him and the man nodded, getting dressed.

"No need to freak, babe, I - "

"Let me decide what to freak about, okay? And I'm not your babe..." Brittany hissed at him and the man frowned, putting on his jeans. She felt angry. Angry at the guy for not paying attention, angry at herself for being who she was, angry at the condom industry for not producing unbreakable condoms, angry at the world for letting diseases like AIDS and god knows what exist in the first place.

It was then that Brittany realized she had been a fool. All these years she had told herself that it didn't matter, that it didn't matter if she got sick and died because she wasn't important, because her life wasn't important. But even though she was thankful to have found Santana, thankful to have Abbey - these two people shouldn't be the only reason for her to quit. A big part, yes - but wasn't she worth anything to herself? Wasn't it time to start caring about her own needs, her own health, her own feelings?

She looked the man in the eyes before he left, looked at the wet spot on the sheets and suddenly she knew. Suddenly she knew it was over.

xxxxxxxxxx

"Are you okay?" Dave asked her concerned when Brittany sat down next to him in the car, looking slightly pale.

"Yeah... I guess" the blonde said slowly, still feeling uneasy.

"Santana called me."

Brittany's eyes widened in shock.

"What? Why? Is she okay?"

Dave gave her a sad smile.

"She was worried... I don't know. I mean, it was the first time I've spoken to her, she told me she'd asked you for my number earlier this morning, but I don't know... I could somehow feel what she was going through... I'm not sure she will be able to put up with all of this, Britts."

"What did you tell her?" Brittany wanted to know, looking down at her lap. There was that feeling of guilt again.

"Well, I told her she shouldn't worry, that I'd be waiting for you and that I'd beat the crap out of anyone who'd try to hurt you. I told her to go get some sleep..."

"It's not that late yet..." Brittany replied slowly, looking at her watch.

"I know it's not, but I suppose she's not really able to distract herself when you're gone. I don't know..."

Brittany nodded.

"Take me home, okay?"

They drove in silence and Brittany wasn't sure what to think or feel. She didn't want to go through another argument with her girlfriend, didn't want to see her hurt again - yet she didn't want to raise Santana's hopes until she had talked to Artie, until she had made at least _some _kind of concrete plan. Somehow the thought of talking to her boss scared her, she knew what he was capable of.

When she stepped into her apartment everything was dark and silent. Emma and Abbey were most likely asleep and Santana wasn't waiting for her.

The blonde silently undressed and used the light of her phone to guide her through the hallway and into her bedroom, not wanting to wake the Latina.

Brittany could barely see anything, could barely make out the silhouette of her sleeping girlfriend. She climbed into bed next to her and placed a kiss on her forehead when she spotted the bottle of wine on the nightstand.

She carefully reached out to lift it up, realizing it was empty.

The lump in her throat was getting bigger and she imagined the woman she loved sitting in their bedroom, trying to deal with her feelings. She imagined Santana, how she was trying to stay strong, drowning her worries in alcohol until she grabbed her phone and called Dave to get some reassurance that everything was going to be okay. It was just sad. It couldn't go on like this.

She felt tears building up in her eyes and reached out to brush some strands of hair out of the sleeping woman's face.

"It will be over soon, okay?" she whispered. "I promise you that."

She kissed her once more before climbing out of bed again. She couldn't sleep, her thoughts were driving her insane and she didn't know how to control them, how to bring order to them, how to get rest.

Grabbing a pen and a piece of paper, Brittany sat down at the dinner table. She felt as if she were standing on the edge of a cliff, waiting to make this one final step, this life-altering decision - and it was scary.

She stared at the white sheet of paper for a few more moments before the pen finally touched its surface.

_Dear Noah,_

_please read the letter and don't throw it away - there are several things that I need to tell you._

_A big part of me wants to say sorry. I'm sorry, okay?_

_I'm sorry that we ended up in this situation. I'm sorry that you are in jail - and I know how that sounds. I know that if things had gone wrong, differently, I could be in the same situation as you, I know all this. And I don't think you deserve it._

_I'd like to say that I know you, Noah. I know who you are and I know where you come from and I know we're not too different. I've thought about you a lot in these last few years, and not only when I sent you that money or when I came by. I've thought about you every day and never stopped feeling guilty._

_We probably couldn't have worked and I don't know if you ever wanted us to work, but that doesn't matter anymore. What matters is that I put you in a situation that wasn't fair. It was not fair._

_I want to say thank you. Thank you for taking me in when I needed you. You knew how fucked up I was and you never asked any questions. You let me stay because you knew I needed you. Just like you took in Abbey because you knew she needed you._

_I know we've never been truly in love and I guess it was because we were both not really able to love at that point. We were damaged. You took it out on me, I took it out on you._

_Yes, sometimes I wished you could have said the right things, sometimes I wished you could have protected me from all the wrong decisions I made, but it wasn't your job, not your responsibility. We can't always expect others to save us, sometimes we need to save ourselves._

_I wanted us to go separate ways, I wanted to stand on my own two feet - l was so stupid. _

_I didn't know I was pregnant, Noah. And I'd like to say that if I _had_ known, none of this would have happened. I'd like to think that I would have found a way to make things work, that I would have been responsible enough - but I don't know if that's true._

_I can't turn back time. I can't build a fucking time machine._

_I don't know if you regret it, I don't know if you'd decide not to take her in if you could make that decision again, but part of me feels that you needed her too. I know you love her. _

_I can only imagine how many times she's made you smile._

_Seeing her now, every day, I can't imagine living one more day without her because she's the most amazing little girl anyone could wish for. I can only imagine what it must be like for you not to see her anymore and it hurts me to think about it. I feel so sorry._

_I don't know what it's like in jail. I don't know if you are okay. I'm scared to visit you._

_I'm scared to see my girl's daddy behind bars. I'm scared to see you look at me with all that hate that you have left for me. And I don't even blame you. I understand it._

_But Noah, please remember Abbey. Remember that none of this is her fault. And she loves you. And misses you. Let the thought of her give you strength to get through this._

_I know you won't be out in a while and I don't know when we will see each other again. I don't know if I will be strong enough to come visit you at some point and I don't know if you'll even let me. But until that day, you should know that our daughter is fine and I'll do everything in my powers not to screw this up a second time._

_You've done a great job raising her. And yes, you've made mistakes, probably a lot of them, but so have I. Let me just say that I'm proud of you for what you've done._

_You deserve to know that taking Abbey back has changed my life and made me realize a lot of things. I do _not _want to be that kind of woman anymore. I do _not_ want Abbey to pay for my mistakes. _

_I'm going to quit tomorrow, Noah. _

_I should have done this a long time ago, but I was a fucked up coward. I'm not like that anymore. I have found someone I want to share my life with, someone who's willing to help me look after Abbey and I don't know if it's gonna last forever. All I know is that we will do our fucking best to protect her and take care of her and make her happy._

_I hope you'll be happy one day, Noah. And I hope that whenever they release you, you and I will find a way to deal with the situation peacefully. _

_I'm finally a mother. Finally becoming the person I should have been almost five years ago._

_I'm truly sorry. _

_And I thank you. For everything._

_Please stay strong. And take care of yourself. And remember there's this little blonde girl who loves you a lot. You're still her daddy. Still her hero. No matter what._

_Brittany_

She just then realized the wetness on her cheeks, taking a deep breath before brushing the tears away. She folded the paper and put it in an enevlope, staring at it for a long moment before finally putting it into her pocket.

Tomrrow was going to change her life forever. Once and for all.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Santana was glad to take out quite early the next day. She turned the key in the lock and was disappointed to find the apartment empty as she stepped inside. She hadn't woken Brittany in the morning, deciding the blonde needed her sleep, and had hoped at least now they'd find some time to talk before her girlfriend had to leave for another date again.

She put her bag on the nearest chair and was about to get a diet coke out of the fridge as she noticed the small note on the counter.

_I'm out, gotta see Artie. I hope it won't take too long. I look forward to seeing you._

_xo, Brit_

Artie. Santana hated the guy even though she had never met him. The things Brittany had told her about him were enough to make the Latina want to kick his ass.

Brittany had been quite discrete, not going into details, but it had been clear that the man had constantly tried to take advantage of the young woman. When Santana had asked her if ever anything happened between them, the blonde had looked away, mumbling something along the lines of 'some things just come with the job' and 'you don't know what he's like'. It had been clear that she was scared of him.

Just when Santana was about to look for anything edible in the fridge, her phone vibrated. She was surprised to see her girlfriend's name on the display and curiously opened the text.

_Meet me at the bar at 6. _

That's it? Meet me at the bar at six? No explanation? The Latina frowned. A look at her watch told her she had about half an hour left. She'd better get ready.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

When Santana stepped into the bar she saw the blonde sitting on one of the barstools, two drinks in front of her. She looked stunning, much like the first time they had seen each other. Her make-up was just as dark and her lips just as red. Santana figured her girlfriend would have to leave soon but she liked the thought of spending a little more time with her before she had to go.

Brittany smiled at her when she spotted her in the entrance, tapping the barstool next to her so the brunette would come over and sit down.

"Hey" she smiled.

"Hey" Santana smiled back. "I.. umm... here..."

Brittany frowned but grinned when the Latina handed her a rose.

"What's that for?" she queried, raising an eyebrow as she accepted the flower.

"Well, I walked here, and there was this Indian lady who sold roses and... uh, usually I don't do this shit, but somehow... I don't know, I wanted to apologize... I'm sorry, it's silly..."

Brittany took her hand in hers as she smelled on the red flower.

"It's not silly, it's actually kind of adorable."

Santana smiled shyly as she sat down next to her girlfriend.

"So... I have something to tell you..." Brittany announced but Santana brushed her off, putting a hand on her thigh.

"Me first."

Brittany nodded, handing the Latina the cocktail she had ordered before.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking lately..." Santana started, taking a sip and clearing her throat.

"...and I know I told you I could do this, I know I said I'd try... and I did... but I had absolutely no idea what it meant... I had no idea what it meant to... well... _feel _like that..."

She looked around the room, then down to her cocktail, smiling to herself.

"I had no fucking idea what it's like to care so much, okay?"

"I understand..." Brittany replied slowly.

"I don't wanna bitch at you, Brit. I don't wanna judge you. I don't wanna make you quit. I mean, I do, but I won't force you into it, I -"

"San..." the blonde tried to interrupt her.

"Uh uh, let me finish!" Santana exclaimed, shaking her head.

"I just want you to know something, okay?" She took a deep breath.

"I want you to know that... I never bought a silly rose for a girl. I never cared for any of my ex's kids. I never felt happy about waking up in the middle of the night to realize a four year-old girl is hugging me. I never made sandwiches with smiley faces for anyone to take to the zoo. I never felt the need to get drunk on wine because I was so scared for someone. I never met anyone who made me consider turning my life upside down and look for a job. I never found a woman's fucking giggle so adorable..."

Brittany couldn't help but chuckle at her girlfriend's honest words.

"See? That's what I mean..." she said, rolling her eyes.

"I never woke up next to someone and felt that way, okay? Gosh, I've never given anyone such a speech in my life before, and I never thought I would..."

She looked at the other woman and could see her blush, her eyes a little teary.

"I've never been so whipped, Brit. You do this to me, okay? Damn..."

Santana cleared her throat again.

"I've always dated women for their money, picked them based on their fancy houses. And never, you hear me, _never _did I think I'd find someone with whom I'd willingly move into a goddamn cabin in the woods. I'd move with you into a fucking one-room apartment, Brit. In a cheap little apartment where we'd sleep in the same room where we cook, I don't fucking care, okay? I don't care if you quit and we get rid of your place and find something else we can afford. I'll search for something else. I'll even consider calling my dad, Brit. I don't know if you know what that means, but - "

"I do, San. I do..." Brittany tried to interrupt her girlfriend again.

"Do you understand what I'm trying to say here?" she asked shyly and the blonde looked at her, biting her lower lip.

"I guess...?"

"What I'm saying is that..." she shighed. "I guess I'm saying that you fucking made me fall in love with you... geez..."

Santana quickly brushed a tear away from the corner of her eye.

"What was it that you wanted to tell me?" she tried to change the subject, taking a few more sips of her drink to regain some confidence.

"I quit."

Santana started choking on the liquid, coughing loudly. Brittany handed her a napkin.

"You... what...?" she asked in between coughs, looking at the other woman who only nodded.

"You heard me..."

"When...? I mean... how? Why?" Santana queried, shaking her head in disbelief. She felt huge waves of excitement run through her, felt her cheeks turn red, still not able to hold back a nervous laugh.

"Today. And do you really need to ask why? Well, let me put it like that..."

She turned around on her barstool so she was directly facing the Latina. She grabbed another napkin and wiped the red lipstick off her lips.

"This?" she said, showing the Latina the red color on the white tissue.

"This isn't me. I don't want it to be me. I never wanted it, to be honest I fucking hated every minute of it. And there were so many points that finally made me realize it... and yeah, you've played a huge part in all of this... cause you know what I never did?"

She took the Latina's hand in hers.

"I never knew what it was like to be cared for. I never knew what it was like to have someone waiting for me. I never knew what it was like to want to be truly _good _for someone. I never even knew that sex could be like this... the way it is with you... I never found anyone who made me see the good in myself, someone who actually _saw _the good in me, cause I know I've been hiding it very well..."

"It wasn't that hard to find..." Santana replied with a soft smile, shrugging.

"I'm not scared anymore, Santana. I mean, Artie was furious and for a second I thought he'd hit me or something, but I'm so done with him and all of this shit. I still don't know what to do next, but I have some savings. I have enough money on the side to get us through the next months until I find something else. And I don't care what it is as long as it's not _that..._"

Santana couldn't believe her ears, needing to pinch her own arm to make sure she wasn't asleep.

"The goddamn condom broke last night, San..." Brittany told her honestly, looking her straight in the eyes.

"And I'm just telling you that so you know, and I don't wanna make a huge deal out of it because it's probably nothing, and I'll get tested soon, it's just ... " she sighed. "The thought of what c_ould _happen, the thought of what I might put you and Abbey through if someday I got... well... sick or whatever. I could never live with myself."

Santana nodded, squeezing the blonde's hand tightly.

"I'm really proud of you" she told her girlfriend. "And damn, I'm so fucking happy and relieved, I don't know where to start..."

Brittany smiled.

"And I'm serious, if this asshole of an ex-boss ever contacts you again, I swear I'll rip off his balls or worse..."

"I know you will..." Brittany replied with a grin. "My badass girlfriend."

Santana laughed.

"How did we get from being such a hot couple to telling each other all that cheesy crap?" she asked, shaking her head with a bright smile on her lips.

"I think we're still pretty damn hot" Brittany said shrugging, leaning closer to put a kiss on her girlfriend's lips.

"Do you wanna get out of here?" Santana asked hopefully, pointing her head to the exit.

"Definitely."

They were walking along the streets of New York City and Santana felt relieved. She was holding her girlfriend's hand and was sure she'd never forget the way she was feeling in that exact moment. She couldn't wait to be home with her, to turn on the television and wrap a blanket around them on the couch. To cook dinner with her, to let Abbey show her all of the pictures she had most likely colored during the day, to go to sleep for a night when she wouldn't have to be scared.

"Should we call a cab?" she asked Brittany who nodded her head.

Santana waved her hand and a yellow car came to a stop next to them.

Both of them got inside and Brittany let her head rest on Santana's shoulder.

"Where can I take you two?"

When the driver turned around and smiled at her, Santana was sure that fate truly existed.

The familiar face looked between the young Latina and the pretty blonde and nodded knowingly.

"Home. Take us home..." Santana finally replied, kissing Brittany's hair.

"It's not far..." Brittany wanted to explain, "right next to th-"

"Oh, I know where it is..." Figgngs replied smiling, turning on his Bollywood CD as he set the blinker to move the car back on the road.

Brittany tilted her head in confusion.

"How would you... -"

"Sshh..." Santana interrupted her, pressing a kiss on her lips. "Don't even ask."

The Latina looked out of the window as they were driving along the streets of New York City. Santana knew that their future was uncertain, that they would most likely face a lot of difficulties. There was her father, there was the lack of money, there was unemployment, there were so many demons from the past they'd both have to overcome - but the past wasn't what mattered anymore.

Cause there was also Abbey. And there was Brittany. And there was a life ahead of her in which Brittany would be hers. Only hers. Santana figured that this was all that mattered.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

THE END.

Well, almost...


	15. Chapter 15

**Epilogue**

_3 years later..._

"Mmmh... that feels so good" the man moaned.

"A little lower..."

Brittany was smiling as her hands were wandering along her client's bare skin.

"Better?" she asked friendly.

"Oh yes, right there, perfect..."

The blonde was putting more pressure on the man's lower back and her client groaned once again.

"You really are tensed, Mister Woods. Did you go swimming as your doctor suggested?" she asked concerned, tilting her head.

The elderly man raised his head from the bench to look at the young masseuse.

"I did, but it's not as easy anymore for a man my age... It feels as if all of my joints and bones were completely rusty..."

"Well, that's why you have me" the blonde replied with a wink, handing the man his bathrobe. "Your wife had the same problem and she's doing so much better already. Say hello to her from me, will you?"

"I will" the man responded friendly as he was getting dressed and slipping on his shoes. "You see her on Friday, as always?"

Brittany's smile grew wider at the question and she quickly shook her head.

"Oh no, actually Friday's my day off, but I'm sure she remembers that."

Mister Woods returned her smile. "A day off for you, how nice."

"Yeah... actually..." the blonde started, her eyes glowing. "...my girlfriend and I are getting married this weekend..."

She felt her cheeks blush and her heart race only thinking about it, it was still unbelievably exciting and she felt like shouting out the news to everyone.

"Oh, that's wonderful!" her client replied sincerely. "Congratulations!"

"Thanks" Brittany giggled as she was putting some of her own stuff into her purse. Mister Woods was her last client for the day and she was looking forward to going home, even though she enjoyed her work.

Working as a masseuse combined most of the things the blonde was good at. Touching people had never really bothered her and her arms and hands were strong enough to execute her work with enough strength and pressure. The fact that she got to meet different people and could chat with them about their lives or the recent gossip was an additional bonus.

Mike Chang was a great boss and she only needed to work in the mornings and early afternoons until she'd pick up her daughter from school.

"Thank you Brittany, I do feel much more relaxed now" Mister Woods said, shaking the blonde's hand before he left. "See you next week then! And I wish you a wonderful wedding."

"Oh, it will be wonderful" the blonde assured him, leading the man outside.

She put on her jacket, checking herself in the mirror once more before she left the building. Even after all this time she still wanted to look good for her fiancée.

Santana was already outside, waiting for her. Her back was turned to the blonde and she had her phone pressed closely to her ear while balancing two Starbucks cups in her hands. She was obviously talking to some client on the phone, most likely settling a transaction for her father.

Brittany had to grin, taking in the sight of her beautiful soon-to-be-bride a few moments longer before tapping her shoulder and placing a kiss on her cheek. Santana always looked stunning in her tight black skirt and matching blazer, so sophisticated and almost... _bossy._ It was an undeniable turn on - every single day.

The brunette turned around when she felt the hand on her shoulder and the soft, familiar lips on her skin, her features immediately lighting up.

"I'm gonna call you back, okay? All right. My pleasure. Definitely. Yeah, you too. Bye."

Brittany took one of the cups away from the other woman so she'd be able to store her phone in her pocket.

"Hello, my hard working busy bee" Brittany said grinning before their lips locked. "How are you?"

"A lot better now" Santana replied with a wink, taking a sip from her coffee.

Brittany loved it when her girlfriend came by in her lunchbreak and they could pick up Abbey from school together. She would have to wait a few more hours until Santana would come home, so these thirty minutes were always a small highlight - for both of them.

The school wasn't far so they walked to the yard hand in hand, enjoying the first warm rays of sunlight. Brittany had always wanted to marry in spring, it was her favorite time of the year.

They were waiting underneath a huge maple tree until the school bell finally rang and they soon spotted a small blonde hopping across the school yard. As always she seemed a little lost in her own world, whistling as her eyes were fixed on the ground, kicking a few small stones out of the way, always making sure she wouldn't accidentally step on a bug or any other insect.

When she finally looked up, Abbey spotted Santana and her mother and happily ran towards them, jumping into her mother's arms.

"Hey mom!" she exclaimed, putting a kiss on the taller blonde's cheek.

Santana cleared her throat, pretending to be offended.

"Excuse me? What about me?" she pouted, putting a hand on her hip and raising an eyebrow.

Abbey rolled her eyes but grinned, reaching out to put a sloppy wet kiss on the Latina's cheek as well.

"Hey Saaaaannie."

Santana grinned and nudged the girl's shoulder playfully. "Much better."

"Soo baby, how was school?" Brittany wanted to know, taking her daughter's backpack to hang it over her own shoulder as they were slowly heading back to Brittany's work where the young mother had parked her car.

"Ohh, it was fine, we had to write a story about friendship, so I wrote something about two hedgehogs and I drew so many pictures, do you wanna see them? I'll show you at home. So this one hedgehog was always alone and wishing for a friend, like that one we once saw in our garden, remember? And the hedgehog was in love with this hairbrush, because it looked like him, but it never talked to him or anything, and soon he realized that it was no hedgehog after all, only a hairbrush, so he was sad and left his home and finds this other hedgehog which is a girl and they become friends and fall in love and are happy. I also want to have a hedgehog now, mom, can I? They are so cute, we should have kept the other one. I've seen a baby on television, it was super tiny, you would like it too, it looked all pink and wrinkly, I -"

"Honey! Breathe!" the blonde interrupted her daughter, laughing. "Not so faaast, you're babbling..."

"I just wanna know if you'll buy me a baby hedgehog, mom!"

The small blonde turned to Santana.

"Can you tell mom she should get us a baby hedgehog, Sannie?"

Santana had to chuckle.

"I'm not sure she will, Abbey, but if you're lucky she'll buy you a hairbrush that looks like one..."

Abbey frowned. "That's lame..."

Brittany shook her head, laughing.

"So are you looking forward to the weekend?" the young mother queried, opening the backdoor of their car so she small blonde would hop inside.

"I am..." Abbey started slowly, bluckling her seatbelt. "...but Kenny Roberts tried teasing me today..."

Brittany and Santana gave each other a concerned look as the blonde started the car and slowly pulled out of the driveway.

"What did he say, honey?" Santana wanted to know, turning around to look at the little girl.

"He said that his daddy told him it was wrong for two women to marry and that it's sick... and he used the bad D-word..." Abbey shrugged.

Brittany felt herself grip the steering wheel a little harder, knuckles turning white.

"And what did you tell him, sweetie?" Santana continued asking.

Abbey smiled.

"Well, Miss Summer wanted to send Kenny to the prinicipal, she was really upset and defended you. But I told her it was okay because I know he's just jealous that I get to have two moms and he doesn't."

The small blonde shrugged again and Santana couldn't help but smile brightly.

"I'm so proud of you, baby" Brittany said, looking at her daughter in the rearview mirror.

"Me, too" Santana agreed, nodding.

Abbey grinned.

"Cool, so can I totally have the baby hedgehog now?"

xxxxxxxx

"You look beautiful, you know that?"

Santana felt nervous as hell, looking down her own body and straightening her white dress.

"I'm not sure I can do this, dad. Fuck..."

"Hey hey, no swearing in a church" the man replied laughing, dragging his daughter in for a hug.

"I'm proud that I get to walk my little girl down the aisle..."

"Thanks, dad..." Santana took a deep breath. "My hands are shaking so badly..."

"Sweetie, this is what you want, right? I mean... I know I haven't been the most supportive father and you know it took me a hell of a long time to get used to you being gay, but... I want you to enjoy this day, okay? It's the most important day of your life and when I think back to the day I married your mother, the day I waited for her at the altar, just like Brittany is waiting for you right now, it's one of the best memories I have..."

"I wish mom could be here, too..." Santana replied slowly, turning her gaze down to remember her mother's face. The thought that her mother never got to know Brittany made her sad, but she was more than thankful that her father had finally come to terms with her sexuality.

After all this time she was finally standing here, with him, waiting to marry the woman she loved. And he was standing right beside her, something the Latina had never thought was possible.

She could still remember the day she had called him, almost three years ago. The day she had seen him again for the first time in years. His face right before he had hugged her closely. Santana figured that spending time apart from her father had taught him that he wasn't willing to lose another person he loved. And even if Santana couldn't forgive him right away, even if parts of her still felt hurt for the way he had treated her, a big part was simply relieved to have him back.

Their first meeting with Brittany had been awkward, but Santana soon learned that it was impossible for anyone to dislike her fiancée. Even Fernando Lopez had to come to that realization sooner or later and Santana figured the man knew that Brittany was more or less responsible for the fact that his daughter had contacted him again. He was probably thankful. Then, when he had finally gotten to meet Abbey, the last bits of doubt must have left the older Lopez.

Santana peeked through the big wooden doors, looking at the many people who were gathered in the church. All of their friends were there, all of them waiting for the organ to finally start playing. Santana felt her heart hammering in her throat.

Suddenly the big entrance door flew open and a very stressed looking Rachel St. James stumbled into the anteroom, followed by Jesse who was carrying a small boy with curly hair.

"You go inside and save us two seats, hurry! Screw this, I don't wanna sit in the last row just because you didn't get your damn car to work, Jesse. I can't believe I'll have to watch my friend's wedding from the last damn row, move!" she ordered out of breath, giving her husband a push.

"I saved you three seats in the front, Rachel..." Santana stated unimpressed, holding back a grin.

"Oh, _thank god_" Rachel exclaimed, pulling her friend in for a hug.

"You look great, Santana. Break a leg!" Jesse told the brunette before walking into the main hall with fast steps.

"I'm so sorry we're late, I swear it wasn't my fault!" Rachel quickly mumbled, eyeing the Latina's outfit in awe. "You look so good, I'd be so jealous, but it's your big day so you're allowed to look more stunning than anyone else" she told her, smiling.

"It's fine, nothing's happened yet" Santana reassured her. "And thanks, but I think I know someone who probably looks even better than me... though I haven't seen her yet..."

"I'm sure you both look amazing" Rachel nodded. "I'm so excited. Weddings make me so emotional, I can't even..." she said dramatically, biting her fist.

"Rachel, I'm already a nervous wreck and you're not really helping right now..." Santana replied frowning, stepping from one foot to the other.

A tall blonde, short-haired woman entered the room and smiled at Santana.

"Okay, I'm here and ready, how about you?"

Santana felt her heart skip a beat as Reverend Sylvester stood in front of her. It was about to start. No turning back now. Santana Lopez was going to get married.

"Uh... yeah, ready, sure, I guess."

The woman laughed, petting Santana's shoulder.

"No need to be nervous, believe me, I've married tons of couples already and you two seem to be one of the few exceptions who might actually last longer than a year..." she said with a wink.

Santana cleared her throat, deciding not to comment on that.

"Okay, I'll go and sit down. So _exciiiited_!" Rachel squeaked, hugging the Latina once more before quickly running into the main hall.

"All right, dad..." Santana said, looking at her father and reaching out her arm for the older man to take it. "Let's do this!"

xxxxxxxxxxx

Brittany could feel the blood pumping in her vains as she stared at the woman in front of her.

"And now it's time for the vows..." Mrs Silvester had announced and Brittany could feel her hands become sweaty. Santana was looking at her, clearing her throat, mentally preparing her little speech.

The Latina took her hand in hers, biting her lower lip and blowing an annoying strand of hair out of her face.

"Wow, I'm kinda nervous..." Santana broke the silence and a few people in the back laughed.

Brittany smiled at her reassuringly, squeezing the brunette's hand a little tighter.

"Brittany..." Santana started and the blonde had to close her eyes for a mere second at the sound of her bride's voice that was so close to breaking. She knew the other woman was just as nervous as herself and she couldn't wait to hear what Santana had prepared for her.

"...I love you. Today I give myself to you in marriage to be your wife." She cleared her throat once more, smiling shyly.

"... From the moment I laid eyes on you I've seen so much in you. I've seen a woman who has a story to tell, a woman who'd teach me things, a woman who'd make me see the world with different eyes. Then I got to know you better and found myself changing. I found myself caring for somebody in a way I had never cared for anyone else before. And for that I want to thank you. Because of you, I laugh, I smile, I dare to dream again. We've already been through good and bad times, but even the bad times - _especially _the bad times have taught me that there are things in life that are worth fighting for. I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you, to have a family with you that will always make me feel safe. I will always be the person that you can trust, talk to and the person that will always understand."

Brittany felt herself tear up at the woman's words, staring at her in awe.

"... I love every bit of you. Every bit of your past, every bit of our present, and already every bit of our future. I can't wait for that future with you because our journey begins today."

The blonde smiled, quickly brushing a tear away. She mouthed a silent _thank you _, taking a deep breath. She knew it was her turn and she felt as if she had already forgotten everything she had prepared.

"Santana..." Brittany began just as her bride had done it minutes ago.

"...I love you. Today I give myself to you in marriage to be your wife."

She looked around the room for a second to regain some confidence and saw Dave standing next to her. Her best man seemed to be fighting hard against his tears, blinking rapidly. Quinn had even more trouble fighting her own emotions as she was standing next to Santana, already blowing her nose, her eyes red and slightly swollen.

"...Where there has been cold, you have brought warmth. Where my life was dark, you have brought light. Today I want to thank you for saving me."

Brittany looked Santana straight in the eyes as she emphasized every word, hoping the other woman would know how much she meant them.

"... before you, my life was empty. You taught me what it's like to accept myself. What it's like to be accepted by others. You've changed me for the better, Santana. You've turned my life upside down and I don't know where I'd be in this very moment if I hadn't met you. I promise to give you the best of myself and I hope I'll be able to give you back just a tiny bit of what you've given me. Thank you for leading me out of this darkness. Thank you for giving me hope. Thank you for marrying me today."

Karofsky let out a loud sob next to Brittany and everyone had to laugh, including Santana whose own cheeks were wet by now.

"Now that was heart-warming, wasn't it?" Sue finally broke the silence. "Where are the rings?"

Brittany turned her head to the side to look for Abbey who came running along the aisle with fast steps. She herself looked like a small bride in her little white dress, carrying the basket with a proud smile on her lips.

"Ah, here they are, wonderful" the woman continued.

"So..." Sue said, turning to face Santana. "Do you, Santana Lopez, take Brittany Susan Pierce to be your lawful wedded wife? Do you promise to love, respect and honor her throughout your years together?"

Santana smiled brightly and nodded. "I do."

"Terrific. And do you, Brittany Susan Pierce, take Santana Lopez to be your lawful wedded wife? Do you promise to love, respect and honor her throughout your years together?"

Brittany grinned and nodded eagerly. "Damn sure I do!"

"Beautiful. Rings?"

Abbey held the basket up for her mother to take it.

"Thanks, sweetie" Brittany told her as she took the ring out of its case and stuck it on her wife's shaking finger. Her own hand was shivering but she was glad that the simple golden ring slid easily along her bride's skin.

Santana mimicked the action, smiling as the ring was finally on Brittany's finger.

"Okay, so here's the moment everyone's been waiting for, get out your tissues" Sue announced with a wink.

"I hereby pronounce you wife and wife..." she laughed. "I'll never get tired of saying that. You can now kiss the bride."

Santana grinned, leaning closer to the blonde in front of her.

"Finally..." she whispered.

"Yes, finally..." Brittany echoed as she closed her eyes and their lips finally met.

Rachel was the first to get up and applaud excitedly, quickly joined by Mercedes and the rest of the guests.

When Brittany opened her eyes again she first looked at her wife, then at the people who were gathered in the huge room. She looked at Sam who was sitting in the front row, a sleeping baby in his arms. The daughter he and Quinn had wanted for so long and that they had finally adopted only three months ago. She looked at Rachel who continued brushing her tears away with her silk napkin. Jesse, who was ruffling his son's hair. Kurt, Dave's new boyfriend who seemed to love weddings just as much as Rachel St. James as he was sighing contently, one hand on his chest. Her mother who had been sober for about a year and divorced her husband not too long ago. Tina, who was still working in the industry but would hopefully find her way out of there at some point. Emma who was smiling brightly, sitting next to Figgins who was giving her the thumbs-up with a wink. Finally she looked back at the most important person in the room, Santana, who smiled the happiest smile she had ever seen on the woman's lips.

Brittany was sure, if anyone had told her five years ago her that this was what her life would look like one day, she would have called them crazy. She figured she was pretty damn lucky.

xxxxxxxxxxx

"Okay, listen - I thank you all so so much for coming tonight, but even the best parties must come to an end..." Santana announced laughing, looking at the few guests that were still left in the huge ball room they had booked for the night.

"And I'm not gonna lie - I can't wait to have some privacy with my very sexy and beautiful wife" she added with a grin.

"Ohh yeah, I'd imagine" Mercedes slurred in a slightly drunk voice. "I guess it's definitely time for me to lie down too."

"I agree..." Matt added grinning, laying an arm around his wife's shoulder.

"We'll see you on Sunday, as always?" he asked.

"Definitely" Brittany assured him.

Quinn and Sam were already at home, considering they had a little baby and were taking Abbey for the night.

"Thanks so much again for coming" Brittany said friendly.

"Ohhh sure, it was a kickass party! Have fun you two wifeys!" Mercedes exclaimed and Matt only rolled his eyes, laughing.

"Have a great night you two" he told them and Brittany quickly waved at them as they were leaving the room.

"Finally alone" she told Santana who gave her a wicked grin.

"Hell, yes. Let's see if the honeymoon suite was worth the money!"

xxxxxxxxxxx

They stepped into the suite they had booked for the night and both of them seemed pleased with what they saw - a huge bed and a huge window with a breathtaking view over the whole city.

"This is amazing..." Brittany whispered in awe, stepping closer to the huge balcony. The cars driving along the streets of New York City looked like small toys and the many lights of the different buildings and billboards were reflecting in her eyes.

"It's definitely worth the money."

Santana nodded, smiling.

"So... Mrs Lopez..." she said, grinning. "How do we wanna spend the night?"

Brittany gave her a mischievous smile.

"I have a few ideas actually..."

Santana lit a few candles and turned off the lights so the room was only illuminated by the small flames. Brittany looked at her wife as she prepared the room, feeling more than proud that she was going to spend the rest of her life with this flawless woman.

"You're amazing, you know that?" she told her, sitting down on the bed as Santana blew out the match.

The Latina said nothing, just dragged her wife closer to her and kissed her on the lips, putting as much emotion into the kiss as possible.

"I love you..." she whispered, her hand caressing the skin of the blonde's neck.

Brittany looked breathtaking in her tight white dress. Her makeup and hair were still perfect.

"I wanna remember this night forever..." Brittany told her. She couldn't wait to touch and kiss her, to make memories that she'd never forget. Memories that would still make her smile when she was old and wrinkly, sitting in a rocking chair at the nursing home. This was her night - _their _night, the night she'd make love to the person who had chosen to marry her, the person who'd agreed to spend the rest of her life with her. _Her _person.

Santana put a CD into the player and Brittany sighed contently as the smooth rhythm of a slow R'n'B song filled the room, enjoying the beat of the bass pumping in her vains.

The Latina stepped closer again, kissing the blonde as she reached for the zipper of Brittany's dress, slowly opening it. She figured that this was the best part of the night, the moment she'd been waiting for for so many hours - stripping her wife out of this beautiful dress, exposing her lace lingerie and her soft, perfect skin.

Brittany sighed as Santana slowly slid the material of the dress over her skin, taking her time as she appreciated the view, staring at her as if she had never seen anything more beautiful in her life.

Santana took in the sight of the woman beneath her, white stockings, a tight white corset that was pushing up her breasts, emphasizing her perfect curves.

She was kissing her cheek, running her tongue along the blonde's jawline as she was massaging her breasts over the expensive material of Brittany's underwear. Her wife looked so stunning, it was almost a shame that she'd have to get her out of this lingerie.

"You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen..." she breathed against the blonde's neck and Brittany let her hand run through Santana's dark curls, closing her eyes at the sound of her sensual voice.

Santana slowly opened the corset, stripping the material down the blonde's breasts, kissing every part of her skin that she was exposing, taking her time as she took each hardened nipple into her mouth. Brittany's moans were like music in her ears.

When the piece of clothing was finally out of the way, Santana reached out to grab the bottle of champagne that she had positioned on the nightstand. She was straddling her wife, still wearing her own tight dress, looking at her with a seductive smirk.

She removed the cork with a loud popping sound, some of the liquid running down her fingers. She quickly licked them clean, her eyes never leaving her wife's.

"You're so fucking sexy..." Brittany whispered and Santana had to smile, moving down to kiss the blonde who hungrily captured the Latina's lips with her own.

"Fuck, I need you..."

Santana smiled, tilting the bottle to let some champagne run down her wife's body. The cold liquid was running down her neck to the place between her breasts until it almost reached her belly button.

The Latina's mouth traveled down her wife's body, licking the liquid off her skin and enjoying the prickling alcohol on her tongue as her hands were slowly sliding the stockings down Brit's long and gorgeous legs.

She pushed her right leg higher until Brittany's foot was lying on her shoulder. When the expensive lace was finally out of the way,the Latina slowly kissed her way up the other woman's leg, starting at her ankle, up her calves until she reached the inner parts of her thigh. Her tongue was leaving wet trails on the soft skin and Brittany moaned at the contact and the sight of the beautiful woman whose eyes were not once leaving her own as she caressed the sensitive area with her mouth.

When Santana reached for the blonde's thong, Brittany lifted her hips off the mattress, making it easier for the other woman to get rid of the tiny piece of clothing.

And there she was, Brittany Lopez, her wife, this flawless and beautiful person who looked at her with so much passion in her eyes, it made Santana's cheeks turn hot. She would never get enough of that view, never ever get tired of this. She knew many people had touched her, many people had kissed her soft skin, but all this didn't matter anymore, because she was finally hers. She had made her choice. She had chosen her - Santana Lopez.

"Turn around..." Santana ordered softly and the blonde smiled before exposing her back and well-formed ass to her wife who was fumbling a bottle of massage oil out of her bag.

"Close your eyes and feel me..." she whispered against her shoulder, trailing soft kisses along her skin.

Brittany sighed once more as her wife was warming the slightly cold oil in her hands and finally started massaging her shoulders and back, softly kneading the skin.

"Mmmh... you're so good at this, maybe you should be doing my job..." Brittany moaned and Santana smiled, enjoying the feeling of her wife's skin underneath her fingertips.

The smell of lavender and vanilla was quickly filling the room, a perfect addition to the already quite sensual atmosphere.

Santana paused her massage for a moment to get rid of her own clothes until she was naked herself, pressing her body close to the blonde's as she continued kneading the muscles between the woman's shoulder blades. The oil made it easy for her to run her hands along Brittany's skin, all the way down her back.

The blonde gasped as the Latina reached the cheeks of her butt, kissing and licking her skin as she massaged the flesh excruciatingly slowly.

Santana carefully let her fingers travel lower until they reached the other woman's sex, her middle finger slowly running up and down her slit.

"Oh my god..." Brittany whispered into the soft pillow, closing her eyes.

The Latina wasn't surprised to find her wife soaking wet and ready for her, the tip of her finger teasingly toying at her entrance.

Brittany groaned as Santana dipped her fingertip inside, making it wet enough to circle the blonde's clit in a smooth rhythm - it felt amazing.

"You like that, baby?" the Latina asked and Brittany couldn't help but turn around, needing to kiss the other woman.

"Shit, I love you so much..." the blonde whispered and maneuvered herself into a sitting position, reaching out for the brunette's neck, fisting her hair to drag her closer and press her mouth against hers.

"C'mere..." she said, motioning the Latina to turn around and kneel above her until the brunette's sex was positioned right above her face. It was her favorite position, her wife's center so close to her lips as Santana was straddling her. She could smell her arousal and didn't want to wait anymore, not one second longer until she'd taste her.

Brittany lifted her head off the pillow until her tongue was close enough to caress the Latina's clit. Her wife was mimicking her motions with her own mouth, bending her head lower until she reached the blonde's wet folds.

Brittany had to moan at the contact, the vibration of her lips around the Latina's clit sending hot shockwaves through Santana's body. She figured there was nothing more sensual and intimate than this.

"You taste so fucking great..." Santana groaned, her fingernails softly scratching along the blonde's thighs as she sucked the hard clit into her mouth.

"Mmmh, you too..." Brittany replied, positioning two fingers at the other woman's entrance.

When she finally pushed them inside, she could feel Santana's body stiffen as she pushed her hips backwards to meet the blonde's fingers halfway. Both of them had to moan, loving the sensation of being so close to each other.

The room was hot, sweat building on their skin and the smell of sex filling the air.

Santana's head was buried between the blonde's legs as she grabbed her legs and pushed them even further apart for better access. She watched her own fingers disappear inside the blonde, mimicing Brittany's rhythm, her tongue not once leaving the other woman's most sensitive spot.

Brittany was greedily massaging the Latina's ass as she licked her, the music barely loud enough to drown their moans. She felt herself getting close, pushing her hips up to meet the other woman's mouth whose tongue was pounding in and out of her.

"Fuck.. faster... please..." she moaned against her clit and Santana did as she was told, fastening the rhythm of her tongue and fingers.

Both of them were panting loudly, entirely lost in their sensual act.

Santana had to grip the sheets hard as she felt her orgasm rush through her body, groaning against the blonde's center.

Brittany could feel her come, could taste every bit of Santana's sweet juice on her tongue and lips, greedily licking her clean, taking in every small drop of the other woman's arousal. It didn't take long for her to follow her wife over the edge as she felt Santana's breasts rubbing against her toned stomach, felt Santana curling up her fingers inside of herself so they'd hit that particular spot that made the blonde see stars.

"Oh my god, shit, yes..." she screamed out, pressing her eyes shut as wave after wave of pleasure ran through every tiny one of her muscles.

"Fuck, you're... you're so, so fucking good..." Brittany mumbled and Santana had to laugh.

"I love your enthusiasm..." she said, climbing off her wife's body to crawl under the sheets next to her and finally kiss her lips again.

They could taste each other on their tongues which was undeniably one of their favorite parts of this whole act.

Santana sighed contently as she nuzzled her head against her wife's neck, feeling entirely happy and satisfied.

"So... we actually managed to get our own cheesy happy ending, haven't we?" Brittany asked Santana, kissing her dark hair.

Santana nodded, placing a kiss on Brittany's chest. Still she had to think that it was no cheesy happy ending, it was just a cheesy happy start.

Not too long from this moment, if she felt brave enough, Santana might ask Brittany if she wanted a baby with her, and Brittany might agree. And if she did, then Santana knew she would make sure that she'd be next to her during every doctor's appointment. That she'd be right next to her when Brittany went into labour. That she'd hold her hand and not let her go through this alone again. That they'd love their child just as they love Abbey. And that Brittany wouldn't have to wait four years until she'd sleep next to her child again. They'd be there from the start and they'd be in it together.

Brittany didn't know of Santana's plans, but if Santana was honest, she couldn't wait to tell her. She couldn't wait for whatever life had prepared for them, cause she was pretty damn sure it would be great.

xxxxxxxx

THE (very) END.

**A/N: I'm aware that this was a bunch of pure CHEESE. But hey, I'm a girl and I wanted a happy end with lots of love and rainbows and weddings, so don't blame me please ;)**

**I wanna thank all of the people who read and also reviewed this story, it has been a lot of fun and I'm also a little sad that it's over. I still hope that you enjoyed it and I think it won't be my last Brittana story!**

**Also an official THANK YOU to my wonderful beta Stephanie who has helped me a lot and improved my English so so much. You're really great :)**

**Oh and one last thing - changed my tumblr URL, so you can find it under lovebugxstories . tumblr. com from now on!**


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